Meet The Uchihas
by Not Really Yours
Summary: Naruto got Sasuke to let him spend the holidays with the Uchihas, and he's never been more excited. But will he able to survive Hurricane Uchiha? Or die trying? NaruSasu AU
1. Lucky Number Seven

**A/N: **This had been bothering me for a while, and I promised myself --and others, you know who you are-- that I'd upload it. So here it is! Just a few warnings before I get on with it: **don't trust me updating**. Maybe I upload two chapters in a row, or maybe I'll give you one and not upload at all, or in months… So don't kill me for it. So you won't be so confused, Naruto and Sasuke are like 19, share an apartment, and go to college. Think _Big Bang Theory_, Leonard and Sheldon, m'kay? That's about it… Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. If I did, Uchihas wouldn't be so dead.

* * *

**Meet The Uchihas**

**Chapter 1: ****Lucky Number Seven**

* * *

**Strategy ****1: Always Ask First, Giving Reasons To Why He Should Accept Your Request**

"I want to meet your family."

Naruto was losing it, Sasuke decided, as he choked upon the morning black coffee he had been pacifically drinking mere seconds ago, making the blonde on the other side of the table yelp in alarm and half-jump out of his seat.

He was probably just joking, Sasuke told himself, as Naruto bit his bottom lip guiltily --hard enough to draw a bit of blood, he noted-- and rushed over to the brunette's side.

Maybe _he_ had misheard Naruto, Sasuke contemplated, as the other people at the café started looking over to them curiously, watching Naruto pat Sasuke's back with one hand and rub the back of his neck sheepishly with the other.

There was always the possibility of it all being a dream, Sasuke mused, as his violent coughing subsided and he cleared his throat instead, while Naruto softly indicated him to breathe in and out, now rubbing his back tenderly.

Naruto was fucking **serious**, Sasuke realized, as he glanced at the blonde only to see a tentative grin curving his lips up, expecting Sasuke's answer on the matter in hand.

"No."

"_Whaaat_?!" Naruto's face fell drastically "Aww! Come on, S'uke! Why can't I meet 'em?"

"Because I say so." Was the simple answer he received. Sasuke took another sip from his, shockingly enough, intact coffee, as if nothing had happened. The blonde pouted.

"B-but, _Sasukeee_!" He whined "You know _my_ family, and pretty well, for that matter!" The stoic Uchiha just raised an elegant ebony eyebrow at him. He put the coffee mug down on the table "So?"

"So? _So_?!" Naruto straightened up, showing his true height to the whole café, who still had their eyes glued to the two boys "My family considers you part of my family, you bastard!"

"Again: so?"

"I want to be part of your family as you're part of mine!" Naruto kneeled down to match Sasuke's height as he sat, and took the pale hands into his own tanned ones "And I have a speech to convince you." Sasuke looked a bit hesitant about accepting, but he sighed in defeat.

"Go ahead." The blonde took a deep breath.

"I wanna get kicked out of the kitchen by the girls during Thanksgiving."

"You _did _get kicked out, remember? Hinata was willing to go very violent if needed to--"

"--Do. Not. Interrupt. Jerk." Naruto threatened him. He took a second deep breath "I wanna freak out when I loose your nephew at the park. I wanna glare along with everybody at your sheltered cousin's newest boyfriend. I wanna waltz with your brother because we're so hammered. I wanna steal bacon from your dad when he's not looking. I wanna help your mom clean the attic. I wanna hear your gramps' same war story over and over again, and be surprised every time."

The blonde took a second to examine Sasuke's expression. He seemed to be considering it, and there was the tiniest of smiles fighting to grace his lips.

"The point is, Sasuke, I wanna be there. Be part of it, 'cause it's part of who _you_ are, and I love you. Yet it's up to you, and only you, whether if you're going to let me be there or not."

One his soft and rare smiles was now settled in Sasuke's features without a doubt. Naruto swallowed.

"So? Whaddya say?"

"I say… That's one of the sweetest speeches you have ever given me." The brunette squeezed Naruto's hands, making him grin foxily "And?"

"And you give me a lot of speeches."

The grin widened a notch, lighting up Naruto's face, and Sasuke could hear the excitement of it all in his voice "_And_?"

"And I think that…" The dreamy smile turned into a deep scowl abruptly "…Not in a million years. Now let go of my hands, loser." He shook said members off his own, and stood up with his black messenger bag, leaving the café and abandoning both the blonde and the coffee.

"B-b-but, but…!" Naruto blinked once or twice, before crossing his arms tightly and huffing "You fucking prick!"

Meanwhile, the other clients and the café's staff just _stared_.

* * *

**Strategy ****2: If You Can't Convince Him, A Third Party Will**

"Naruto wants to meet your family."

At least, it _seemed_ Kiba was saying that. Sasuke couldn't be sure, with _Bat Country_'s guitar solo booming into his ears. He took out the ear plugs that provided him of such a thing.

"What did you say, Inuzuka?" He asked a little bit too loudly, still half-deaf from the music, earning himself shushes from the other people in the library. Kiba sat across from him.

"Naruto. Your family. Know what I'm talking 'bout, Uchiha?" Kiba leaned in, whispering harshly "He has been bothering me _all week_ about it, and complaining _to me_ that _you _won't let him meet them. So be honest with me, buddy," The Inuzuka's eyes narrowed slightly "Is the Uchiha pack a bunch of freaks or somethin' like that?"

Sasuke blinked, and then looked down to his medical textbook.

"I find them quite normal." Kiba snorted, and sat back, placing his hands behind his head "Then they _must_ be weird. You aren't exactly the epitome of normal, if you know what I mean… Didn't you scare _three_ psychiatrists away, after all?"

The darker-haired boy gave him the Uchiha Death Glare™ "Actually, Inuzuka, it was Sabaku who scared three psychiatrists. Get your facts right." He looked away "I only scared _two_…"

Kiba snickered "Whatever you say, Uchiha. Anyway, let's get real now. Why won't you let Naruto meet mom and dad? Does he embarrass you, maybe? 'Cause I've heard the Uchihas are really high class, and it'd make sense that you didn't want to introduce such a peasant like Naruto to them…"

Sasuke sighed tiredly, and turned his hands into fists to scratch his arms "Naruto doesn't embarrass me."

"Is your family the one that embarrasses you, then?"

"_No_," The Uchiha groaned "Nobody fucking embarrasses me."

Kiba tilted his head to the side "Not even an especially overly-cheerful Lee on an especially overly-cheerful day at the mall?"

"Not even him."

"Then why won't ya take Naruto to spend the holidays with your family, damn it?!" Kiba exclaimed, getting shushed instantly, making his cheeks redden, though one couldn't tell because of the red triangle tattoos on his cheeks and his tan skin.

"I'm not telling you fucking why! Figure it out yourself-- use the head on your shoulders once in your life, will you?" Sasuke said as loudly as one could when whispering. He placed the ear plugs back on their place, and mouthed a '_get the fuck out of here'_ at Kiba, who grumbled something, but stood up and left anyhow.

At the library's entrance, Naruto was waiting him. The blonde looked at him hopefully "So?"

"He's not budging, Blondie!" The brunette scratched the back of his neck and shrugged "I'm guessin' he's serious about not letting you meet them. Sorry."

"Oh, I'll make him budge." Ocean blue eyes narrowed dangerously and a smirk took over Naruto's face, giving him a sinister look "You just wait."

"Dude. I get your point and everything," Kiba started "But you gotta act so doctor Frankenstein about it?"

* * *

"_**Hiya! This is Sasuke and Naruto you're reaching. Right now we can't talk to you because we're having hot steamy sex.**_"

"_**No, we're not.**_"

"_**Don't ruin the tape, you asshole! Uh, anyway, y'all know what to do, don't ya? All you have to do is leave your thang right about… Now**_."

**BEEP**!

"_**Sasuke. You're living with someone else and didn't tell us?**_" A whistle "_**You're going to be in so much trouble, young one…**_" The man over the line chuckled "_**This is me, Obito, calling on behalf of your mother about Christmas! We're holding it at your parents' home this year. You coming, or there's no need to buy you a truck full of tomatoes**_?"

**BEEP**!

* * *

**Strategy ****3: Use Public Advertising**

Inari was happy.

No, scratch that-- Inari was _ecstatic_.

It wasn't every day, after all, that his father had a day off at the police station, and used it to spend it with Inari at a football game. Even grandpa had come! And that was an uncommon event all by itself, as the lazy old man would have preferred zillions of time staying at home and being pampered by his daughter than going to see a bunch of grown men act like animals over a piece of leather.

So, Inari was ecstatic, eating his hot dog as they waited for the half-time to stop, watching the message board turn and turn.

"Hey, dad," The little boy tugged at his step-father's sleeve, pointing with his hot dog towards the message board "What does it say there?" Even though he couldn't read, Inari knew that most advertises had lots of colours and pictures. This one, however, was white with black bold letters. He had seen one like it once, about saying no to drugs, but this didn't have the same letters.

Kaiza turned to the ad, and cocked his head to the side "It says '_Sasuke, let me meet your family_'." He chuckled "Hey, Tazuna. Take a look at that!"

Tazuna, the oldest of the three males, squinted to read the ad, before bursting into laughter "Well, isn't someone a pushy girlfriend! She must've paid a whole lot of money to put that up!"

"At least my salary in a year," Kaiza said, ruffling Inari's hair "Inari, when a girl does that, you take my advice: run."

Inari beamed at him and gave him a thumbs up "Okay, dad!"

"I SAID FUCKING **NO**!" A few rows down, a pale boy with a backwards black cap yelled, seething, as he threw his soda at the blonde boy that had been sitting next to him. As the blonde choked on his shock, the pale one stormed off, stomping at every step he took.

"S-Sasuke!" The blonde exclaimed once he recovered from the impact, going after the other one "I had to pay more than what a cop wins _in a year_ to put that up! Believe it!"

Tazuna blinked. Kaiza blinked. Inari took a bite from his hot dog.

"I guess then _he_ must've spent a whole lot of money to put that up and stick to his pushy _boy_friend's ways." Tazuna commented. Kaiza sulked next to him.

"More than my salary in a year."

* * *

**Strategy ****4: Get Him Into The Mood To Say Yes**

"Hi, Sasu." Naruto greeted the brunette with a little smile.

"Exactly how many nicknames do you have for me?" Sasuke asked him, and heard Naruto snicker behind him, before feeling a gentle yet firm grip on both of his shoulders.

"My, my, Sasuke. You're so tense! How 'bout I give you a massage, eh?" Without waiting for the answer, Naruto slipped Sasuke's plan grey t-shirt from him, and started rubbing his shoulders. The Uchiha frowned for a moment, but then fell into the touch, closing his eyes.

He hadn't gotten a massage from Naruto in ages. He had forgotten how good it felt.

Sasuke let out a pleased sound, and Naruto grinned inwardly. He hadn't lost his touch just yet.

Naruto moved from the shoulders to the back and massaged it, too. They were at it for almost an hour, and then the blonde stopped, making Sasuke sigh in disappointment as he opened his eyes.

"Thanks, loser. I really needed that." Naruto was smirking seductively now at him "I figured. After all, med school is so hard… I should know, I go with you. Besides, the holidays are always a stressful time, and you're such a workaholic… I guess I deserve a prize for helping you relax. Don't you think so, Sasuke?"

"Yeah." Sasuke slipped back into his t-shirt "Tell me, Naruto, what you want as a prize?"

"Oh, I don't know…" Naruto pretended to be pondering it "…Maybe you could… Introduce me to your family?"

Sasuke smirked back at him "Nice try, hot stuff. The answer's still no."

* * *

"_**Hiya! This is Sasuke and Naruto you're reaching. Right now we can't talk to you because we're having hot steamy sex.**_"

"_**No, we're not.**_"

"_**Don't ruin the tape, you asshole! Uh, anyway, y'all know what to do, don't ya? All you have to do is leave your thang right about… Now**_."

**BEEP**!

"_**Hi, Rave'. It's me again, Rab'. Aunt Miki's really pushing for an answer, and I have a championship comin' up. So when you're ready, and it better be soon, call her directly. Hurry up, you. It's only two weeks for Christmas, and if you're not there this year, heads are gonna roll. By the way, who's Naruto?**_"

**BEEP**!

* * *

**Strategy ****5: Good Ol' Bribery**

"Sasuke, do you know where I'm coming from?"

"From the mall." Sasuke said absently, not bothering to look away from the muted TV set.

Naruto nodded "Correct. And guess what I got?"

"Clothes in other colour than orange."

"_No_," The blonde sounded mildly peeved, but he didn't let his grin fall from his face "It's something much more better than that."

"It's '_much better_', moron," Sasuke finally tore his eyes from the TV and fixated them on Naruto "And what could possibly be better than you realizing there's more colours in the rainbow?"

"Hey, you're one to talk, bastard!" Naruto exclaimed angrily, a vein popping on his right temple like every time he was annoyed, and pointing an accusing finger at Sasuke "All you ever wear is blue and black, and black doesn't even count because it's a _shade_, and it's not--"

"--Off topic, Naruto." Sasuke interrupted the rant with an exasperated tone "Just tell me what you got."

The grin was back full force "Right! It's something real special, and just for you, the most amazing person who has ever walked on the face of this planet!"

"Quit the ass-kissing."

"You know you like it. Anyway, I got you… Drum rolls, please…" Naruto took two tickets from his back pocket "Tickets for Avenged Sevenfold!"

"**WHAT**?!"

On the other side of the city, in middle of her yoga class, Haruno Sakura looked up and blinked, convinced she had just heard her medicine major peer and platonic love, Uchiha Sasuke, screeching. She shook her head, brushing it off as hallucinations caused by being exposed to his sexiness for too long during classes.

"Uh-huh! That's right! And they can be yours on one condition!" Naruto informed him, raising an index finger to prove his point.

"What condition?" Sasuke clasped his hands together, as if praying, looking at the blonde in a mix of adoration and disbelief. He bit his bottom lip when Naruto's grin turned into a smirk.

"I get to meet your family."

Onyx eyes narrowed dangerously "That's playing dirty, you fucking…"

"I know. So," Naruto waved the tickets in front of Sasuke's face, taunting him "What's your choice? Lots of head-banging and sick guitar solos combined with excellent lyrics on exchange of visiting other Uchiha people? Or would you rather stay in this apartment, and get as only music a drunken Kiba singing Christmas carols?"

It was a tough decision. Naruto knew that, and thought he was pretty sure of Sasuke's answer.

So he couldn't help but to be surprised when Sasuke stood, his trademark sarcastic smirk in place, and just shrugged.

"Ah, well! I'll just have to wait 'till the next time Avenged Sevenfold comes to Konoha, won't I?" He winked at Naruto and left towards his room, leaving the blonde to gape like a goldfish all by himself.

* * *

**Strategy ****6: Act Angry**

"Loser, make some room, will you?"

Naruto just puffed his cheeks, looking oddly like a hamster, and turned around. Shikamaru blinked at his antics, and then looked over at Sasuke, who if anything, appeared vaguely amused.

"Okay, Uchiha, spit it out-- what are you two fighting about this time?"

"Naruto over here," Sasuke said "Wants to meet my family. And I," He motioned to himself "Being the big mean monster he says I am, won't let him."

"You're too small to be a big mean monster. You're a little mean monster." Naruto mumbled, Sasuke smirked.

"You're talking to me again? Ah, damn. Just when I was starting to enjoy the silence!"

Naruto snapped his head in Sasuke's direction "Then I'mma talk to you 'till your ears bleed!"

Shikamaru sighed "You two are so troublesome. Whatever happened to the '_I love him too much to hurt him_' your relationship was so filled with?"

"It was never there in the first place, man," Sasuke answered, shrugging "We would beat each other into a bloody pulp every day if we could. _Other activities_ keep us occupied, though."

"I don't want to know _nothing_ about your troublesome life together, so shut it."

"You told me to spit it out!"

* * *

**Strategy 7: Pretend You Gave Up**

Sasuke only found himself changing his mind when Naruto gave him a sad excuse of good-night, because he was a big softie when it came to the blonde. He had charmed his way into Sasuke's heart and wasn't planning on leaving any time soon, and Sasuke now had to deal with the consequences of that.

He knew Naruto was manipulating him, turning his back like that to him to say he was depressed, always with his head down, not trying to make a move on Sasuke when he was cooking dinner, and giving only monosyllabic answers to any questions anyone asked.

Sasuke hated how it worked _every time_.

"Fine," He growled out "You win."

"Uh?" Naruto mumbled, faking a groggy voice "Didn't hear you…"

"I said…" Sasuke sighed-- he seemed to be doing that a lot lately and he felt more sighing was to come "…That fine. You can meet my fucking family if you want it so badly."

"Really?!" Before he knew it, Sasuke was pulled into a tight embrace he returned half-heartedly "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! You won't regret this I promise! We have to call them now, don't we? Tell them you're coming-- don't think I didn't hear those messages from Obito and Rab. Whoever that is… They sounded like the same person, you know? And he called you Rave… Oh, oh, oh! I get it! Those are nicknames!"

"Pass me the phone, Naruto." Sasuke asked, and Naruto nodded vigorously as he did as told. The brunette pressed a few buttons and waited for someone to answer on the other side of the line, swinging his free arm over his eyes as if trying to shield him from an inexistent light.

"_**Hello, Uchiha residence. How may I help you**_?" A kind and warm female voice asked. Sasuke almost smiled, realizing how much he had missed her "Hi, mom. It's me, Sasuke."

"_**Sweetie, hi! You haven't called in a while, and I know what you're calling for: Christmas. Will you be here**_?"

"Actually, yes. I will be there. And…" He fidgeted a little and made a pause, looking over to Naruto, who smiled reassuringly "…I'm bringing someone with me."

"_**You are? That's a first.**_"

"Hope it's not a problem or anything…"

"_**No, no, no! I'm just surprised-- you never made much friends during childhood, sweetie. Konoha has done you good, hasn't it**_?" His mother giggled, and he smiled nervously.

"I s'ppose. Gotta go now, mom. It's kinda late."

"_**Oh, of course. You go to sleep now-- if I see you coming with dark bags under those eyes of yours, you're going to be in trouble! Bye, sweetie. I love you!**_"

"Bye, mom. Love you, too." The line went dead and Sasuke let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.

"There. It's done." Naruto hugged him again.

"This is going to be great. I can feel it!"

_So can I_, Sasuke thought, grimacing. It'd go alright, wouldn't it? Naruto was just as insane as his family, so surely they would accept him as one of them. He wouldn't be freaked out. There was no reason to worry.

…Right?

* * *

**A/N: **There! Chapter one! I'm already writing the second one. So tell me what you think and stuff. Bye!

--**Not Really Yours**


	2. Long Road To Ruin

**A/N: **Today I went to check my inbox, and it was **swamped **with story alerts, favourites, and reviews. Thank you so much, everybody! I feel so loved! Ugh. Now I feel like I'mma disappoint y'all. This is really filler-like, but they have to get there _somehow_!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Naruto owns me.

* * *

**Meet The Uchihas**

**Chapter 2: Long Road To Ruin**

* * *

"--Also, not _a word_ to Kakashi-sensei about any of this. He left us in charge of Mr. Ikku and of Pakkun while he's enjoying his holidays, and if he finds out we left his beloved plant and his beloved dog with someone other than _us_, we're dead. Okay, Hinata-chan?"

Hyuuga Hinata nodded, smiling sweetly at the orange object of her unrequited affection with cherry-tinted cheeks. They had been like that ever since he had given her a call two days before, and she was starting to feel the lack of blood on the rest of her body, so concentrated in her face as it was.

Naruto grinned foxily, like only he knew how to, inadvertedly turning her insides to goo.

"That's great." Behind them, Sasuke honked "Oi, loser, are you coming or not?"

"I'm going, I'm going!" He yelled back, and then turned to Hinata again "Let's go over this again-- what do you have to do here?"

"W-water Mr. Ikku, feed P-Pakkun, get the m-mail and the calls, c-call the cops if O-O-Orochimaru c-comes by again, a-and pick S-Sasuke-san's car at t-the garage." She recited by heart. How could she forget anything that came out of those heavenly and oh-so-kissable lips, after all?

"Aaand?" Naruto started to give little hops on the spot when Sasuke honked again. Hinata giggled.

"Don't w-worry, N-Naruto-kun. I-I won't tell a s-soul. P-pinkie promise a-and all." Hinata laced her pinkie with Naruto's for one brief second that was almost like sex to her, even though she had never done such a thing.

"You already have the keys, and remember our apartment is the A207, on the second floor! You've already been there like, two times, you should visit more! Thanks, Hinata-chan! Merry Christmas!" He jogged towards his copper Ford F-250 and slid over the hood to get to the other side easily. He opened the door and climbed onto the driver's seat. Sasuke, chin resting on palm, looked away from the window and smirked "Took you long enough. We can still back out from this, you know?"

"Is it because I left Hinata-chan in charge of our place? Is Sasu _jealous_?" Naruto pinched Sasuke's cheek, and the affected brunette slapped the hand away, grumbling.

"Asides from the fact that yes, I do believe leaving Hinata in charge of the apartment is an unwise decision, I still want to give you the possibility of living. Yet you keep choosing ultimate death." Sasuke explained, and Naruto started the ignition with a confused look.

"Why'd you think it's an unwise decision?"

"Come on, she's your biggest fan."

Naruto blinked at him, and then caught the brunette's train of thought and snorted "Tch. That fan club of yours really has you on the edge of your seat, don't they, S'uke? Don't be such a paranoid-- Hinata-chan's just a harmless girl with a harmless crush."

Sasuke frowned "You were a harmless boy with a harmless crush on me, and look how _that_ turned out, loser."

The blonde chuckled, and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly "You asked me out _first_."

"And you kissed me in middle of a stage in front of everybody _first_."

"We're even, then!"

"I think not, moron!" Sasuke pointed his index finger at Naruto "I asked you out only _after_ you raped my mouth!"

Naruto leaned closer to Sasuke, smirking seductively, and whispered in a husky voice "It's not rape if the other's willing." He licked Sasuke's lips, and then straightened on his seat "Besides, it was an accident! That kid pushed me!"

"An accident you used to your whole advantage." The Uchiha sighed, but he didn't sound the least irritated about it.

"Just have a little faith on Hinata-chan. Please? For me?" He gave the one beside him a kicked puppy dog, making Sasuke sigh again.

"Fine. But if we come back home, and you can't find your boxers anywhere, don't go saying the monster under the bed ate them!"

"I'm positive nothing like that will happen."

The F-250 took off, and as soon as it did, Hinata took out her lavender cell phone, almost dropping it to the ground because of her shaky hands. She dived through her contact list, barely reading the names until she reached the '_i_'.

She paced around until finally the one she was trying to reach answered "_**Hinata! Why are you calling so early?**_" Yamanaka Ino whined. She had been partying hard last night, and she had the hangover of the century. She couldn't appreciate people calling her at 8 o'clock in the morning.

"S-sorry, Ino! Y-you'll never guess w-who left me in charge o-of their apartment!" Her voice raised a notch at every word, as she was unable to hide her excitement.

* * *

Naruto was aware that it was a long trip.

When they had studied Geography at school, he remembered Oto being a black dot really, _really_ far away from the black dot Konoha was supposed to be on the map. When Sasuke told him he was from Oto, he had said "Damn! That's far!"

But this was ridiculous.

He had been driving for five hours, and they weren't even near it just yet. He asked Sasuke how much longer they would be travelling, to which Sasuke had answered with a nervous and slightly panicking "Why? Do you wanna go home? Let's, let's! I have no problem with it! Call Hinata, we're back!"

That had only fuelled Naruto forward. So he kept on driving.

When he almost got six hours on his driving counter, Sasuke offered himself to Naruto, causing them to almost crash to an electric post that went through the two sides of the otherwise desolated road.

On the blonde's defence, he had thought Sasuke was offering himself to do _stuff_, not offering himself to _drive_. The mean red bump on his forehead was totally justified.

At the first gas station they encountered, they stopped for a break. Attached to the gas station, there was a diner, so they decided they would eat their much needed lunch. The other clients besides themselves were a couple of arguing newlyweds and a bunch of Hell's Angels.

About the newlyweds, for what Naruto had caught of their hushed fight, the husband had been too cheap to buy a plane ticket for his wife and himself, and they had decided to go on a road trip to Kumo. But they had were lost, and they hadn't realized that was the way to Oto until the waitress told them, and now they had no idea how to go back. The wife was already talking about how she should've listened to her mother and marry that other guy, which Naruto thought was really sad, because he hated when marriages didn't work.

The Hell's Angels… That was a surprise. Naruto thought they _lived_ on their motorcycles, but he guessed that they were humans, too, and had to eat every once in a while. Still, in a _diner_? He had been stealing glances at them, until one of the female members noticed. She also noticed Sasuke, though, and immediately walked over to their table and started to flirt with the brunette. Blondes were possessive by nature, so obviously, even though Sasuke wasn't responding to her moves, Naruto was jealous. He told her to fuck off, which resulted on her boyfriend, a buff guy who looked ready to kill, coming over and asking if there was a problem.

Naruto had a big mouth.

"As a matter of fact, _yes_, there _is_ a problem, pal. Your girlfriend isn't all that faithful, ya know?"

To add to the red bump Sasuke had given him, there was now a black eye. They bought an ice pack and Sasuke decided he'd drive the rest of the way.

And now Naruto was bored. Since they were in middle of nowhere, they reached no radio stations, just static. Sasuke didn't allow him to bring any CDs, stating that his car's radio killed music.

He had never really been over The Killers' _Hot Fuss_ incident, in which they were listening to it in the car, and when Sasuke took it out, it broke in half-- it was kind of ironic, killing The Killers, and even though Naruto was quick to buy a new _Hot Fuss_, the Uchiha never forgave the F-250.

He thought about reading that old Spiderman comic that was always lying around his car, but whenever Naruto read in a car, he got carsickness big time, and didn't stop puking in at least half and hour.

Sasuke suggested he took a nap. Naruto complained, saying that was something Shikamaru would do, and he was no Shikamaru, yet he fell asleep, and had the weirdest dream in history.

It was _Alice In Wonderland_, and he was Alice. Blue dress and all. Kiba was the White Rabbit, and Sakura and Sasuke played the parts of the March Hare and the Mad Hatter, respectively. Shikamaru was the Cheshire Cat, and Hinata was the Queen Of Hearts. It had a few twists-- the Mad Hatter wanted to make out with Alice, and the Cheshire Cat fell asleep instead of disappearing. The Queen Of Hearts had a crush on Alice, and the White Rabbit's clock was a digital one.

But it was Naruto's dream. He could do anything he wanted in them.

When he woke up, they were_ still_ in the car; however they had finally reached Oto.

It was a pretty city, with no overly tall buildings, and rather clean streets. Besides, it had been snowing, so Oto was covered by a soft white blanket. The sky was getting darker, and the car's clock read 5:02.

Naruto couldn't imagine why Sasuke had left such a nice place. Not that he was complaining or anything.

"There's still the chance of going back to Konoha, you know?" Sasuke informed him at one point, and Naruto frowned and shook his head. Sasuke sighed and said they still would be driving for half an hour to get to the house, so Naruto decided to use that time to imagine what the Uchihas would be like.

He had known Sasuke since their freshmen year in high school, when Sasuke had came because of the transfer program, but they had never really discussed the brunette's origins. When Naruto had tried to coax it out of Sasuke, he had always answered with a philosophical phrase which always meant the same thing, but in different words: "What matters is the present."

Which was good and all, but he had the right to know!

The Uchiha had once mentioned that out of his parents, he looked more like his mother. The day before, Naruto had watched a marathon of _That 70s' Show_, therefore, imagined the Forman family. It resulted on imagining Sasuke's mother as a nurse, and that resulted on the mental image of Sasuke wearing a hot, tight nurse outfit.

Somehow, Naruto knew Sasuke wouldn't be exactly thrilled by that kind of thing. He didn't mind that the blonde fantasized with him, as long as he wasn't wearing dresses in them.

Naruto couldn't help himself, though. It was hot.

Like, really hot.

"We're here. And we can still go back, just so you know."

"Ah-- what--?" Naruto snapped out of his thoughts, and stared at Sasuke, whose onyx eyes were fixated on the steering wheel.

"I said we're here. See that little house? I grew up there." He pointed to a _huge_ traditional-looking mansion--_Little house my ass_, Naruto thought-- which they were parked in front of, and ocean blue eyes widened like saucers at the sight.

"You grew up _there_?!" Sasuke sighed deeply.

"Yeah. Now that you've seen it, can we go home?" Naruto tore his eyes from the Uchiha mansion to bore them into Sasuke "_Go home_? S'uke, you _are_ at home! You know how you always said your family home at Oto had a special place in your heart? Then your heart must be _enormous_, because this place is freaking--"

"--Huge. I know." The brunette looked away "Now let's have a quickie."

"W-what?" Not that Naruto didn't want to, or anything. It was kind of sudden, wasn't it? He couldn't help but to blush "Why?"

Sasuke gave him a disbelieving look "Oh, come on," He said exasperatedly "I'm not introducing you to _anybody_ with the hard-on you're sporting, hot stuff."

That was when Naruto learned that fantasizing before meeting your special someone's family could be considered both a good and a bad thing.

* * *

That's how they ended up at the Uchiha mansion's doorstep, with dishevelled clothes and tousled hair. Sasuke sighed again and bit his lip.

"Let's go back." He said, and turned to leave, but Naruto grabbed his hand and pulled him against him "Woah, buddy, you're not goin' anywhere! Didn't you say sex gave you a courage boost?"

"The boost is gone. I'm a scaredy-cat, not _let's go_!"

"Nu-uh! You're already here, jerk! Your family is expecting you to walk through that door and stay with them till the end of the holidays, and that's exactly what you're gonna do-- go through the door and stay with them till then end of the holidays! And surprise, surprise, I'm doing it with ya, bastard!"

Sasuke ran his free hand Naruto's hair nervously "There you go with your speeches again…"

"So _what_? Ring that doorbell, and it'll be over sooner, if you're dreading it so fucking much!"

But Sasuke wasn't able to do as told, as the door opened by itself.

"Who's yelling--? Oh. It's you. You smell like sex. Where you fucking my little brother in that car?"

Both turned to the door. There was a handsome young man standing there, with bags under his eyes. He looked almost like Sasuke, but he seemed to have rougher features and was older, the latter being an obvious thing.

"Hi, Aniki." Sasuke greeted the guy, just sort of like waving, and eyeing the man indifferently, if anything, a little bugged. Naruto pulled away from Sasuke instinctively, and rubbed the back of his neck, extending his other hand towards the man, grinning.

"Hi, I'm Uzumaki Naruto. The guy who lives with Sasuke." He introduced himself, his heart beating so rapidly he thought it was going to explode.

The man glared coldly at the hand --a glare Naruto quickly recognized as the Uchiha Death Glare™--, then looked up to Naruto's face to glare at it, not bothering to uncross his arms to seem a little more _welcoming_.

His hand awkwardly fell back to Naruto's side, and the grin faltered. Only then, did the man speak again.

"Hi, I'm Uchiha Itachi. The guy who wants you _dead_."

* * *

**A/N: **Shorter than the previous, I know, but I'm not even supposed to be here. I promise next chapter will be better! I'm off to the beach now, and I hate it, but the beach always inspires me, so when I come on Sunday night, I'll have a chapter 3! I think… No promises.

**--Not Really Yours**


	3. Death Glares, MILFs, And The Godfather

**A/N: **Guess who's back, and it ain't Eminem! Wanna hear about my weekend at the beach? No? Well, I don't care if you don't want to, so read on! We got there Friday morning, and it was raining. Hard. It didn't stop until somewhere during the night, so we didn't go to the actual beach, and instead played Boggle inside the beach _house_. Saturday, I discovered _Band Of Brothers_, and Joe Toye is my newest crush --s'not fair! Why did _your_ leg get blown off, Joey-Joe?! Why not the other's Joe?!--, and I'm grieving his death now, which happened… On 1995. Yeah, I know. Sunday I was _still_ watching _BOB_, and then I got my aunt to let me borrow the DVD to finish at home. But you don't worry, guys. I didn't forget you, and I while I waited for _BOB_'s opening to finish, I wrote. And I write fast, so here ya go! Chapter 3!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Lucky you, Kishimoto.

* * *

**Meet The Uchihas**

**Chapter 3: Death Glares, MILFs, And The Godfather**

* * *

He felt hated.

Then again, wasn't that the whole point of the Uchiha Death Glare™? Naruto supposed anyone dumb enough --like himself, it seemed-- to stand in its way would felt like that, and a weaker man would have most assuredly burst into tears and beg for his mother to come and comfort him.

He remembered the first time Sasuke had given him one, during high school. The brunette was convinced he hated Naruto --which he didn't, of course. Otherwise they wouldn't be where they were--, and wanted the other boy to get into that thick skull of his the fact that he didn't want to talk with him, eat with him, sit with him, or whatever with him and would never want to. He had Uchiha Death Glare™'d his way through the whole explanation.

Now, Sasuke was _really_ sweet inside. Of course, then, _his_ Uchiha Death Glare™ wasn't nearly as powerful as the versions of other, more experimented, Uchihas, but Naruto be damned if it didn't hurt anyways. It had left Naruto convinced he was nothing for the exact period of three days, fifteen hours, forty-three minutes, and two seconds, until Sasuke had begrudgingly came to apologize and say he hadn't really meant any of what he had said.

Many Uchiha Death Glares™ followed that one, but each one had less and less effect until Naruto found himself immune to them. Actually, if Sasuke Uchiha Death Glare™'d him now, the blonde would molest him, with the excuse it was a too cute look to pass up.

But wow. He hadn't counted on Uchiha Itachi and his own perfected version of the feared and aforementioned Uchiha Death Glare™.

It seemed as if it was alive, knowing exactly what it was aiming to make its victim feel-- like they were the scum of scum for daring to even just accidentally brush Sasuke's arm, tainting the pure, innocent angel he was with their dirty hands. And all of the sudden, their looks clashed far too much with the brunette's delicate black and white features, and they were unfit for said perfect creature.

Naruto knew Sasuke was anything but innocent-- _heh_. And he knew he was fit for Sasuke, for he was one of the hottest guys back at campus. The yearbook had said so. Besides, he was much more colourful than Sasuke, and that was a point to his favour!

With all those arguments to not be scared and stop sulking about that Uchiha Death Glare™, he followed the two brothers inside the house, taking his shoes off like they did at the entrance.

Traditional, indeed.

"Why in the world are you dating… _That_?" Itachi asked Sasuke, pointing to Naruto in a not-dissimulated-at-all way, making the younger brunette roll his eyes and sigh exasperatedly, as if saying '_this is why I didn't want to come_'. Naruto glared at Itachi --and decided that the Uzumaki Death Glare™ was far less intimidating than the Uchiha Death Glare™--, puffing his cheeks, and childishly promising himself he wouldn't talk to Itachi until he apologized with him for being such a meanie.

They walked until they reached the ending of the hall, and there, Itachi slid a door open, and by the sound of dishes clanking, he guessed it was the kitchen. They entered, greeted immediately by the sight of a woman --or man, because after seeing that guy Sasuke listened to sometimes, Haku, on a music video, he was never the same-- of long ebony hair, with her --or his-- back turned to them, apparently doing the dishes.

"Mother," So it was a woman! "Sasuke's here. With his…" Itachi spat out the word like it disgusted him to no end the mere fact of thinking it "…_Acquaintance_."

Naruto would later tell Kiba, once they were back in Konoha, that all he had to do was imagine Sasuke with breasts, a much kinder face, and long, long hair. This would result on the Inuzuka calling Sasuke '_Sasuko_' for the rest of the day, which would result on a visit to the E.R., but that's a different story for a different day.

As he found Sasuke the most beautiful creature in the Universe --as any other man in love--, he obviously found his look-alike mother truly stunning.

Naruto had, I repeat, a big mouth.

"_She_'s your mother? Wow! What a MILF**(1)**!"

And suddenly there was a new swelling joining the red bump and the black eye in the collection, courtesy of Itachi. They certainly wouldn't do any good to what the family thought of Naruto, as he now looked like he had been in a street fight. Itachi narrowed his eyes, but didn't go as far as using the Uchiha Death Glare™ again.

"You think Mother is a MILF? You want to fuck her, just like you did with Sasuke? Is that your fantasy? A threesome with Mother and my foolish little brother? Oh, you sick pervert… Heard that, Sasuke? You must cut all bonds that tie you to this freak. Right now. Send him back to Konoha, and-- _don't touch my brother right in front of me_!"

The arm that had been swung over Sasuke's shoulders was removed in the blink of an eye, and now Itachi was definitely using the Uchiha Death Glare™.

"Aniki, stop twisting it! It's not like that!" Sasuke turned to his mother with a cute pout he was probably unaware of "Mom, tell him it's not fucking like that!"

"Honey, it's not like that. Let the two be." His mother said, taking off the pink latex gloves she was using to clean the dishes, and placing her now bare hands on her hips.

Itachi growled out something that resembled a '_sorry, Mother_', and Sasuke crossed his arms and smirked in victory.

"Well, take a look at this young man! Aren't you handsome?" She started cheerfully, turning to Naruto, who smiled a bit bashfully. She put her hands on each of the blonde's shoulders "Does my son know how to pick 'em or what? My name's Mikoto, _very_ pleased to meet you!"

"Sasuke's hasn't picked _anyone_, Mother." Itachi mumbled.

"Yes he has, honey, and I can tell it was a great choice!" Mikoto didn't loose the cheerful tone. The warm, welcoming smile that had been lighting her face up --Naruto wasn't pointing fingers at anyone, but someone, whose name started with '_i_' and finished with '_tachi_', could learn a thing or two from her-- disappeared, as she traced the black eye with motherly care.

"Oh, sweetie, what happened to him?"

"He called a Hell's Angel's girlfriend a cheater 'cause she was flirting with me. Naruto over here was never exactly the brightest crayon in the box, you see." Sasuke explained, with the triumphant smirk still in place, and Naruto pouted at him.

"Shut the fuck up, asshole." Mikoto shook her head at the boys' antics, giggling.

"So your name is Naruto? How odd-- fitting, though." She commented, and Naruto cracked a foxy grin "Thank you, Mikoto-san."

"Drop the formalities, please. You have the balls to do so-- not everybody would dare to shag someone in a car before meeting that someone's family!"

So _that_ was where Sasuke's sarcasm came from! He thought he had seen the sarcastic spark shining in the back of her eyes.

Naruto choked on the air he was breathing, flushing so badly he was putting tomatoes to shame "I-I-I'm incredibly s-sorry about that, a-and, and I'll try--" Itachi rolled his eyes like Sasuke had done earlier.

"Uzumaki, we all know you're not sorry for it."

"That's not true! I _am _sorry for it!"

"Are you saying you are sorry you were with me?" Sasuke inquired, feigning hurt, but Naruto was panicking too much to notice it, as the brunette leaned his upper body closer to him, the oh-so-famous sarcastic eyebrow raised "Come on. I'm not _that_ bad, am I?"

"Yes, he is saying exactly _that_!" Itachi exclaimed at the opportunity "Now break up with him!"

"N-no! You're not bad! At all! You're, you're _amazing_! I see fireworks every time!" Naruto was looking cutely terrified, and Sasuke couldn't help but to snicker at his expression.

"You poor thing! We were just teasing you!" Mikoto said with a sympathetic smile. Itachi looked awfully surprised "We were?"

"_Yes_, honey, we were." The smile disappeared as she went into Authoritarian Mother Mode to glare at her eldest son "Now give it a rest." She turned to the bewildered blonde with the smile back on its place "It's only natural that you do such a thing with Sasuke, so at least on my part, you don't have to worry. As long as you don't get too freaky." She giggled, and Naruto tried to laugh awkwardly with her. Her onyx eyes met Sasuke's "Sweetie, your father's in his studio. Why don't go you introduce Naruto to him?"

Naruto gulped and straightened up as much as he could with Mikoto's hands still on his shoulders. This was the real deal. The father was the ruling figure of the house-- if Naruto could get his approval, all the family would approve him, too.

"Let's go, loser." Sasuke grabbed Naruto's hand and took him out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Mikoto yelled after him and so did Itachi.

"Good luck, sweetie!"

"Hope he kills you!"

"We can _still_ leave this place. I don't mind ordering pizza for a Christmas dinner, or going to Applebee's." Sasuke whispered, making Naruto frown.

"Nu-uh! We've made it this far, bastard! And I plan on continue going." Sasuke sighed "You're gonna have to stop calling me '_bastard_' for a while. I'm not a fatherless kid, as you're about to witness."

* * *

"Father?"

Sasuke knocked on the door softly, secretly hoping the sound would go unnoticed by his father, hidden under the classical music that the elder Uchiha was listening to. No such luck, though, as his father was quick to say "Come in."

Sasuke slid the door open half-way, peering inside. He kind of smiled at his father and waved a little, before sliding it all the way, shutting it once they were both inside.

"Ah, Sasuke. Nice to see you back. Who's your friend?" Sasuke's father didn't look much like him, although there was a bit of resemblance. He had deep frown marks, a tanner skin, and his hair was going more for dark brown, unlike his wife's and two sons'.

"Likewise, Father. This is Uzumaki Naruto-- he'll be spending the holidays with us." Sasuke sat down on one of the free chairs, and Naruto sat on the other one, standing up a bit to shake the man's hand.

"Yes, your mother mentioned something about it. I'm Uchiha Fugaku, Sasuke's father."

Naruto nodded solemnly "Pleased to finally meet you, sir." Fugaku's eyes left his form to fixate on Sasuke's.

"Let's catch up, son. Tell me, how are you doing in college?" Sasuke and him then engaged in small talk, ignoring Naruto's presence completely. Naruto used this time to examine their relationship.

It wasn't much of a father-son one. More like old not-really-friends bumping into each other on the street. Sasuke hadn't mentioned anything of having a more indifferent relationship with his father, but then again, he was so secretive about his private life, even to Naruto, that he would've been capable to say that Itachi had massacred everyone in his family but him just to avoid people's questions about that subject.

"Sasuke, wait outside. I want to speak with Naruto in private." There was brief panic flashing through Sasuke's eyes, but he hid it so fast, that Naruto doubted it was ever there in the first place.

"Yes, Father." Sasuke rose from his seat, and walked to the door, sliding it open and shutting it again behind him, and all of the sudden, Naruto felt, in that old-fashioned studio with the soft classical music playing in the background, as if he was inside one of _The Godfather_'s scenes, asking a favour from Don Vito Corleone himself.

"Naruto, I believe you were somewhat forgotten," Fugaku interrupted his train of thought "Tell me a little about yourself. Where do you come from?"

"Born and raised in Konoha, sir."

Fugaku nodded "Beautiful place to grow up."

"Yes, it is, sir." Naruto answered, to hold back the '_sir, yes,_ _sir_' that he wanted to blurt out so badly. It wasn't that Fugaku looked stiff or barking orders at him, but he was giving such a drill sergeant vibe for some reason or other…

"What do your parents do for a living?"

Naruto rubbed the back of his neck, his nervous habit "Uh, my mom owns an antiques shop, and my dad's a fire-fighter."

"I see. I understand you go to college with Sasuke. What's your major?"

"Medicine. Just like Sasuke." Naruto grinned foxily, but it came out with a nervous edge. He half-expected to Fugaku to say something along the lines of '_Sasuke has a major on Medicine?_', however he crushed such thoughts, telling himself that Sasuke and Fugaku had been discussing the very same subject only minutes ago.

"Just like Sasuke, indeed. Speaking of medicines, do you take any?"

Naruto blinked, tilting his head to the side "…I used to take Ritalin… I have ADHD." Fugaku brought his hands together on his desk, as if praying "Why don't you take it anymore?"

"Because the doctors changed my prescription…"

"Uh-huh, uh-huh. How about criminal records?"

"E-excuse me?" The blonde stuttered out, and Fugaku frowned "I hate repeating myself, Naruto. I asked if you have criminal records."

"N-no, no." _I never got caught_, he thought mischievously, still looking confused and nervous on the outside.

"Are you sure of that? Because I have my connections, and I _will_ find out if you're lying to me. I hate it when people lie to me." Don Vito Corleone without a doubt. Naruto frowned "I'm sure I don't have any criminal records, sir."

"Very well, then. I'm going to believe you, because you look like a trustworthy fella. Go with Sasuke-- he must be waiting for you."

"Bye, sir."

Out of the studio, Sasuke was indeed waiting for him, but he was now holding a medium-sized Tupperware and a couple of forks, as he leaned against the wall.

"Hey," He greeted with a half-smile "How did it go?"

"Fine, I guess," Naruto shrugged, smiling back "He asked me where I came from, and next thing I know, the subject is my criminal records."

"Shoulda warned you he was like that."

Naruto shrugged "Nah. He's better than your brother. 'Sides, he said he believed in me, so I don't think he'll check my background or anything like that."

* * *

Back inside the studio, Fugaku dialled a number, drumming his fingers against his desk as he waited for someone to answer.

"_**Oto PD, yeah**__. __**What's your emergency, yeah**_?"

"Deidara. This is chief Fugaku."

"_**Chief Fugaku? Why aren't you using your special line, yeah**_?"

"I need something and no one can know about it. I need you to do some background checking for me."

"_**Sure thing, yeah. On who**_?"

"Uzumaki Naruto."

* * *

"That's good to hear." Sasuke commented, and Naruto nodded. He pointed to the Tupperware.

"What's that?" Sasuke looked down at it and answered "It's almost midnight, so it was too late for mom to make us dinner. She gave us the leftovers instead."

"Living off leftovers," Naruto sighed as if remembering something pleasant, taking the Tupperware "I feel like I'm back in college."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, looking amused. He yawned, bringing his hand to cover his mouth "Come, loser. We'll eat this shit in my room."

Naruto grinned foxily, ocean blue eyes glinting mischievously "We get to sleep together?"

"Kinda. You sleep in a mattress next to my bed."

"Close enough for me! Let's go!"

* * *

**(1) M**other **I**'d **L**ike to **F**uck

**A/N: **Chapter 3 is done! Hoped you enjoyed it-- I think Itachi's a bit exaggerated, Mikoto turned out a bit more cheerful than what she looks, and Fugaku kind of laid-back. But whatever, maybe you guys still like it. Bye!

**--Not Really Yours**


	4. Fishcake, Cousins, & Showers

**A/N: **It's here at last! This chapter I wanna dedicate to Kasumi, 'cause she asked me to. Needy friend, that Kasumi. Also, because unknown to her, she gave almost all the ideas for this sucker. And this too goes to them three classmates that wouldn't rat me out during Chemistry. I have the impression it's kinda bad… But I get that impression from _everything_ I write. My self-esteem sucks.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. I'll slit my wrists with a spoon now.

* * *

**Meet The Uchihas **

**Chapter 4: Fishcake, Cousins, & Showers**

* * *

The door swung open, and a sing-song voice called out, even though it was completely unnecessary, being in the same room.

"OH, **SASUKEEE**!"

"Shisui!" A second, somewhat angry voice, whispered harshly "Be quiet! You're gonna wake S'uke up, and I'm not gonna fight his morning wrath for you!"

"The whole point of yelling _is_ wakin' Sasuke up, Tek." Shisui answered "And s'not like it's gonna work _anyway_, so stop being such a baby. Rave' wouldn't wake up if a bulldozer was going over him, and you know it."

"He may be a heavy-sleeper, but what about Goldilocks down here?" A third voice, sounding considerably lazier and nonchalant than the first two, asked. A fourth party groaned.

"Don't even mention the damn blonde." Naruto was absently surprised that it was Itachi's voice the one speaking. The third voice huffed softly "He looks like he's been in a street fight."

Someone snickered "Smells like drama! Take an up-close of the guy, Nabs!" Shisui commanded. There was a brief silence, before Shisui snapped again "_Inabi_! Don't go all narcoleptic _now_!"

"I'm sorry…" Inabi, the third voice, yawned "…I can't help it. It's a medical condition."

"Don't you _dare_ use the '_medical condition_' excuse again," Shisui threatened "Or I'm getting' a new cameraman."

"Whatever," The voice that had been dubbed as '_Tek_' mumbled "Someone looks like they hate someone else's guts. What's the matter with Blondie, 'Tachi?"

"For starters, he has no shame."

"I'm sure we've done worst!" Shisui stated confidently.

"Would you fuck Sasuke in your car before meeting his family for the very first time?"

There was a slightly awkward silence to follow "…Uh… _No_… Because a: I _am_ his family. B: I don't have a car, and c: that'd be incest, and maybe it's like, the new trend and all, but I don't _do_ trends, so…"

"Well, that's _exactly_ what this guy did." Itachi said and there were surprised gasps all over the room.

"He fucked his cousin in his car before meeting the family he already knew?!" Naruto couldn't tell if Shisui was being sarcastic, or if he was naïve --and stupid-- like that. But either way, he could _feel_ the Uchiha Death Glare™ that was being sent his way.

"No shame, indeed," Inabi said, and there was the sound of a camera zooming "Let me take a good shot of him, will you?" There was some shuffling, and '_Tek_' spoke again.

"Is that all that wrong with the guy?" He asked "No shame? 'Cause that's kinda stupid, considering _you_ have no shame, and _we_ have no shame, when the time's right for it."

"That's not all, Tekka." Itachi answered, sounding slightly exasperated "Do you really think I'd base an entire opinion on someone else on just the fact that he has no shame at all?"

"Yeah."

"Wrong answer!" Itachi exclaimed, and by the sounds that followed, he had punched Tekka square on the stomach "I wouldn't. If I'm gonna save my foolish little brother of the bad decisions he makes, first I gotta have some good arguments to make him see it was a bad decision and not just my fan girl-fuelled paranoia**(1)**." All the Uchihas shuddered at that "Also, he called Mother a MILF."

Inabi snickered.

"What's so fucking funny?" Itachi demanded to know, and Inabi tried to stop laughing, but only made it half-way through "Oh, nothing. Just you, windin' up over Auntie Miki being called a MILF."

"Explain that."

"Oh, come on," Inabi said, somewhat teasing "You_ are_ aware of that the only reason kids in the neighbourhood bothered to be friends with you was because she was such an eye-candy, aren't you? And she still is, if I may say so."

"You may not," The Uchiha Death Glare™ was back-- couldn't the guy go through one hour without using it?

"It never bothered you before," Shisui pointed out "That is, 'till at your thirteenth birthday, you heard Ma saying S'uke was going to be just like Auntie Miki when he grew up. And ever since, you scared all kids away and became the most overprotective big brother in History."

"Did you hear what those kids said about doing to Mother?!" Itachi protested angrily "I wasn't let them start think like that about Sasuke--"

"--_Anyway_, back to the Goldilocks thing," Tekka interrupted with a breathy, pained voice, still suffering over that punch Itachi had delivered "I think the MILF issue falls on the '_no shame_' argument, so you're left with one again."

"If you want me to punch again so badly, you just gotta ask for it…!"

"Is there something else, Little Weasel?" Shisui mocked "Or you hate the guy so you have something to do this Christmas?"

"His name's Uzumaki _Naruto_." Itachi informed them smugly, and the statement only met a heavy silence.

Then laughter erupted.

"H-he's, he's called '_fishcake_'?!" Inabi gasped out "This moment has to be recorded… Audience, meet '_fishcake_'!"

"Sasuke's dating food!" Tekka announced "That's so awesome!"

"And everybody in this house who doesn't know it has to know!" Shisui decided, and Itachi allowed himself to chuckle a little bit.

Naruto thought it was wise now to let himself be declared as awake.

"Yeah, yeah, how funny. Stop it."

Sasuke's room had that fourteen-year-old emo/punk/screamo boy edge to it; the same Naruto had met when the brunette left Oto for Konoha and its better education. It, of course, had its flashes of childhood, like the once-white teddy bear with a crimson ribbon the blonde found under the bed, or the model of a plane hanging from the ceiling. Posters of different bands and movies covered the walls, almost leaving no square inch of it uncovered, but Naruto managed to catch that the original colour was baby blue. Resting on the nightstand, there was a photo of Sasuke's parents and Itachi with Sasuke, a lamp, and an old dirty baseball ball with an unreadable signature.

Naruto wondered what it would've been like to meet Sasuke when he was eleven, or thirteen, and had the odd feeling that they would have hated each other even more, and probably even been tighter than now, if that had been possible.

After eating the leftovers, they stood by the window, holding each other and mumbling sweet nothings --insults and teasing, in their cases-- as they watched it start to snow again. In this position it had been that Sasuke remembered they had left their entire luggage in the car.

So in the same snow Naruto had been admiring, he had to go out to retrieve the bags, thanks to Sasuke acting like a damsel in distress, and saying that it couldn't wait until tomorrow, and that whoever the knight in shiny armour on call was, would get a prize for his efforts.

As soon as their bags were in the same place that they were, Naruto and Sasuke changed into their pyjamas, and then the former proceeded to attempt to strip the other, who refused to do anything with him that night. Naruto had, of course, protested, saying that he wanted to claim his prize _now_. Sasuke promised he'd give him his prize tomorrow, kissed him sweetly as a reassurance, and then pushing the blonde to the improvised bed, AKA the mattress.

Naruto was instantly asleep, with the blankets covering him up to the ears. He was assaulted by another strange dream, this time with the _Little Red Riding Hood_.

He was obviously, the Little _Orange_ Riding Hood, and instead of his grandmother's house, he was visiting his love, Sasuke, to claim his already-postponed prize. On the way, he met the Big Bad Sakura, who wanted to have a threesome with Sasuke and the Little Orange Riding Hood. Being possessive as he was, Little Orange Riding Hood said no, but Big Bad Sakura was determined to get her threesome, so tricked Little Orange Riding Hood into going through the forest, therefore she got to Sasuke's house first, and tried to convince him. When he said no, too, she knocked him out with her famous left and raped him, and when Little Orange Riding Hood got there, she tried to rape him as well, but luckily, he was saved by Hinata the Woods-_wo_man, who called Big Bad Sakura a bitch and started cat-fighting with her, effectively distracting her, and letting Little Orange Riding Hood to claim his prize.

But before he could get on with it, the slamming of a door woke him up, and he was now staring up to four pale faces, one unsurprisingly hateful, two staring back curiously, and one looking through a digital video camera.

"Good morning, sunshine!" The guy with wild ebony hair just past his ears, whose voice's Naruto immediately recognized as Shisui's, chirped "So, your name's really '_fishcake_', or 'Tachi made that up?"

"I'm Naruto," The blonde answered warily, sitting up on the mattress and rubbing his ocean blue eyes "Who're you?"

"We're cousins," Tekka, who turned out to be a guy with long ebony hair down to the shoulders and a grey beanie on, said, and then motioned to each one of the males in the room as he spoke "Shisui, Tekka, Inabi, and I'm guessin' you already know Itachi."

_Unfortunately_, Naruto and Itachi thought simultaneously.

"Nice to meet y'all," The blonde offered them a grin "What time is it, cousins?"

"Like six am."

"**WHAT**?!"

On the other of the country, Konoha more specifically, in middle of her slumber, Haruno Sakura's emerald eyes snapped open and looked around her dorm room frantically, convinced she had just heard her medicine major peer and half-love-rival-half-friend, Uzumaki Naruto, screeching. She shook her head and said member met the pillow again, as she brushed it off as a dream induced by all the popcorn she had eaten at the movies last night.

"What the fuck are you doing up so fucking _early_?!" Naruto exclaimed, torn between feeling furious or just plain shocked.

"We always wake up around this time," Inabi cocked his head to the side, somewhat confused at Naruto's violent reaction "Not like it means anything to me-- I fall asleep during the day all the fucking time…"

"He's narcoleptic, and it's really cool." Shisui said, pointing to Inabi, who nodded.

"And we got to this extension of the Uchiha territory," Tekka started, speaking of Oto as if it was a kingdom and the Uchihas were the royal family "Like, right now. So why do you look like a goldfish?"

"That's easy," Shisui smirked sarcastically, and Naruto noted a mild resemblance to Sasuke there "He is a _fish_cake, and goldfishes _are_ fish."

Sasuke stirred and groaned softly.

"Well, whaddya know!" Inabi turned the camera from Naruto to the brunette in the bed "There_ is_ a way to wake up Rave' without using any cold water!"

Tired onyx eyes, clouded with sleep and only half-lidded blinked up to them, hopelessly unfocused.

"Time?" Was the first thing that came out from his lips. Tekka answered him "Six in the morning, S'uke."

"Are you fucking kiddin' me?" Sasuke asked in a slurred voice "S'too fucking early for me to fucking deal with your fucking shit. Let me fucking sleep, damn it." Sasuke turned to the wall, and apparently resumed sleeping.

"He was always a zombie when he woke up," Inabi commented "But he didn't mind if it was six o'clock or noon. Whatever happened to our Little Raven?"

"Yeah, that'd be _my_ fault," Naruto rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly "I thought going to sleep at two am and waking up at five am wasn't healthy for him, so I taught him how to sleep in. And he kinda liked it a lot."

"So, not only you're shameless, a dumbass who won't think before talking, and a perverted fishcake," Itachi said, rubbing his chin as if thinking "You're also a bad influence! Ah, that's fucking _great_!"

A vein throbbed at Naruto's right temple "I was worrying over his health!"

Itachi shrugged "It never affected his health before, so why would it now? The way I see it, you ripped off the world of one of its few and proud morning people."

The blonde wanted to protest, and say that Sasuke wasn't a morning person to begin with, but nothing came out of his mouth and he just stared in bewilderment at the other awoken Uchihas, but they just looked at him with indifference mixed with amusement.

"I'm sorry, Uzumaki," Inabi apologized, but one could tell by the tone of his voice that he wasn't sorry for real "But we find it hard to defend a guy who's called something as ridiculous as '_fishcake_'."

Naruto pouted cutely "W-well, nothing _he_…" He pointed to Itachi, who pointed himself, feigning being innocently confused "…Said about me is true! I'm no dumbass!"

"Yes you are, dumbass," Sasuke mumbled sleepily "Now shut the fuck up."

"Asshole!"

Shisui rolled his eyes "They get along great." Tekka nodded and smiled at his older brother.

"You know what they say-- '_who loves ya will kick ya in the nuts_'."

* * *

After lots of begging, three death-threats, and a juicy bribe that hurt Naruto's pocket, the blonde had fell on the mattress and closed his eyes, with all the intentions of falling asleep again, and stay like that until eight, at the very least of it.

He remembered when he met Nara Shikamaru, back at the first day of college, and how amazed he had been with the lazy genius ability to be sleeping, being woken, and carry on sleeping. Naruto remembered, too, how envious he had been of his friend at his own lack of the very same skill.

So, unable as he was to go back into his wicked and twisted version of dream land, Naruto found himself some entertainment on Sasuke's stuff. He explored around the room, examining and touching everything he encountered, before accidentally tearing in half that really old shirt, and thinking it wise to stop.

Again bored, his newest source of fun became Sasuke himself, and he molested the brunette enthusiastically, getting all kinds of lovely sounds from the unsuspecting Uchiha.

It was a great thing Sasuke was such a heavy-sleeper-- otherwise, Naruto would've been in lots of trouble, when things got… _Messy_, for lack of a better word.

He expertly covered the stains left on Sasuke's bed with the extra woollen blanket of his mattress, and prayed he would be too dazed and confused**(2) **when he rose to notice.

Naruto noticed then that he was hungry.

He didn't want to go downstairs. After the fuss he had made over the early-rising habits of the Uchiha mansion and how much he hated them, going down when it was still so early would be admitting defeat, and Uzumaki Naruto _didn't_ admit defeat, simple as that.

Yet, somehow, here he was, going down the stairs and trying to remember which one was the way to the kitchen.

And basically, admitting defeat.

It was all his growling stomach's fault.

"Will you take a look at that! Fishcake!" Shisui exclaimed the second Naruto went through the kitchen's door, looking at said blonde through what he could swear was the same digital video camera Inabi had had back at Sasuke's room "What made you decide you'd join us in our early ways?"

"That I didn't want to die from inanition**(3)**," Naruto answered with his foxy grin, sitting across from Shisui. He turned to the woman by the stove "Mornin', Mikoto-san."

"Didn't I tell you to just call me Mikoto?" She asked him with a warm smile, tilting her head a bit to glance at him "Good morning. Do you want some breakfast?"

The grin widened "Right on."

Mikoto went back to the stove, and by the smell, Naruto realized it was bacon. Yummy. He looked at Shisui, swinging one arm on the back of the chair he was sitting on "Where did the rest of the pack go to?"

"Tek and Nabs are helpin' our old man unload the truck," He answered, lifting his eyes from the camera to make some eye-contact "My Ma went to store to buy some ingredients to make fruitcake, and 'Tachi is talking to Uncle 'Gaku at his studio, I think."

Naruto's eyebrows shot up together. He had never been able to raise just one like all these Uchihas seemed to do all the time "Why aren't _you_ helping your dad?"

Shisui rubbed the back of his neck "Had an accident a few weeks back in Tekka's new car. Sweet ride, but it lasted exactly three and a half days before we crashed it into a tree. The doc said I couldn't lift heavy things 'till February."

The blonde whistled "That had to hurt." Now that he thought about it, he _did_ remember Sasuke being worried over something a few weeks ago, but declining to tell him about it.

As if on cue, Sasuke entered the kitchen, automatically spotted Naruto, and went over him, sitting on the blonde's lap and wrapping his arms around Naruto's neck.

"Did we have sex last night?" He asked bluntly and still sleepy, and from the corner of his eyes, Naruto saw Shisui almost dropping his camera and Mikoto freeze on the spot.

"Yes, we did, Sasu," He lied with a blank expression "Lots and lots of times."

Sasuke frowned tiredly "Don't remember it…"

"Of course you don't!" Naruto continued, wrapping his own arms around the brunette's slim waist "I gave you so much pleasure, that you passed out from it."

"I see," Sasuke nodded "Then I'mma go take a shower."

He rose from Naruto's lap after placing a chaste kiss on the blonde's lips, and left the kitchen. Only then did Shisui allow himself to laugh hysterically and Mikoto to giggle more discreetly.

"Dude!" Shisui exclaimed "He didn't even question you! How did ya do it?!"

Naruto shrugged with a smug smirk "You know how there's morning people and the wake-me-up-when-September-ends kind? Sasuke belongs in the walk-around-like-a-zombie-until-I-crash-with-something-or-someone-and-nearly-kill-myself kind. He'll believe _anything_ you say to him in that state, even saying that his favourite colour is pink."

Shisui snickered "But doesn't he realize it's a lie once he's completely awake?"

"Not really. He isn't even completely awake, so he isn't sure if he dreamt it or if I really said that."

"Amazing," Shisui complimented "My hat is off to you."

Naruto beamed at him. _I think I have a possible ally here_.

"Still want that breakfast, Naruto?" Mikoto asked him, walking with frying pan and serving some bacon on Shisui's plate, who mumbled a quite '_thanks_'. Naruto shook his head.

"I think I'll go eat some Sasuke, if ya know what I mean…" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Mikoto hummed in acknowledgement.

"Yeah… Remember how I said I didn't mind if you two did it like rabbits in heat?" Mikoto smiled sweetly when Naruto nodded "I still don't. But I _do_ mind you telling me about it, m'kay?"

* * *

Naruto got lost in the way to the bathroom several times.

He had followed Mikoto's directions of the bathroom Sasuke was most likely to use perfectly --or so he said--, but there were far too many doors and halls in the Uchiha mansion for Naruto's liking, but he _did_ eventually found a bathroom with a shower running inside.

Intending to surprise Sasuke, he entered the bathroom as silently as he could and stripped himself quickly. He then stepped into the shower, where he found Sasuke with his back turned to him. Something about him looked kind of different, but Naruto didn't ponder it much, and instead hugged the brunette from behind, who stiffened instantly.

"Relax, it's just me," He said in a low and husky voice, which he knew always got Sasuke excited. He nibbled Sasuke's earlobe seductively, and his hands lowered a notch "Let's play a little, Sasuke."

Sasuke cleared his throat "…Uh… Yeah…" A voice that was definitely not Sasuke's, answered him awkwardly "…I-I'm sure Sasuke would like to play and all, so why don't you try the bathroom on _his_ side of the house…?"

Naruto's eyes widened like saucers.

_Shiiit._

* * *

**(1) **All the Uchihas look like fan girls would ravish them. Even Fugaku looks like he was a stud when he was younger!

**(2) **That's a movie :P

**(3) **Die from hunger.

**A/N: **Hoped you liked how I portrayed Tekka, Inabi, and Shisui. They get like, one episode, and on Shisui's case no episode at all, so there's not really much to go on, but they've always stricken me like guys that belong in _The Dudesons _or in _Jackass_. And who do you think is the mysterious Uchiha in the shower? Naruto's so dead… And isn't Mikoto an understanding woman? No problem tellin' Naruto where to find Sasuke. 'Till the next update!

--**Not Really Yours**


	5. Cause I'm Trouble

**A/N:** Hi! Did I make you wait too long? I could be worse, couldn't I? At least I don't delete my stories and leave everybody hangin'! And that_ is _a stab at you, Kasumi. SIMS was a perfectly good story and it had great potential and you go and _delete_ it --along with everything else-- just because you don't want Bellinghausen to read it! But anyway, I meant to write some more of this chapter on the hospital, but I forgot my notebook, plus I had my baby cousin to baby-sit, and it was too much. So now you're stuck with this! Hope it doesn't suck too badly, and remember: it's always better to have a bad update that no update at all! No, it's not.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. I suck like that.

* * *

**Meet The Uchihas**

**Chapter 5: 'Cause I'm Trouble**

* * *

It was embarrassing, to say at least. But still, in all honesty, Sasuke wasn't sure of how to feel about it. Was he supposed to be angry? Amused? Surprised?

Hell, for all he knew, maybe he had to be aroused! Because, just exactly how many people had to deal with _this_ kind of situation? There wasn't much to go on from, so he had all the right to be confused.

All Sasuke had wanted, after all, was a hot shower.

He had been shocked that Naruto hadn't come to join him. _No_, he wasn't _waiting_ for the blonde-- it just was common for the two of them that once Sasuke had announced he'd be taking a shower, Naruto followed him suit like a lost puppy looking for a home. Strange analogy, yes, but it was the only Sasuke could think of in such a moment.

It had been weird to take a shower alone. Sasuke wasn't used to it now. In fact, it had been so strange and uncomfortable, that the brunette had been really close to get out of the bathroom --naked--, grab a random Uchiha person, and shove him or her into the shower with him.

No matter how much mental scarring he caused said random Uchiha person.

But, alas, he made it through, because he was Uchiha Sasuke, and Uchiha Sasuke wasn't afraid of taking showers by himself. He was a big boy now. He rushed to his room and slipped into some warm clothes, hoping he'd find Naruto eating breakfast or talking to his cousins.

If someone had told him that when he set to find Naruto and came out of his room, he'd find his cousins snickering and filming everything that happened, Naruto in nothing but a short white towel --in all his nose-bleeding-worthy glory, and _fuck_, he was hot--, flushing enough to be a cherry, and his long-time-no-see older cousin Obito, him too in just a short white towel --and it wasn't as hot, by the way. Sasuke didn't think like that about his cousins--, patting Naruto's back sympathetically with one hand and rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly with the other, he would've laughed. _Hard_.

And Uchiha Sasuke _didn't_ laugh.

Yet, that was exactly what he found outside of his room, but he couldn't laugh. Or talk.

The moment they saw him, the terrible Uchiha trio exploded into a new fit of hysterical laughter --which was, on Sasuke's part, unprovoked--, Obito blushed and smiled nervously at him, and Naruto fell to his knees instantly, begging for his forgiveness.

That was when confusion started knocking on his door.

What was Naruto sorry for? Knowing the blonde, it could be anything from dyeing the oceans a bubble gum pink to eating his tomatoes-- Sasuke couldn't suppress a shiver at that last thought.

_Oh, the horror_…

He demanded an explanation to why were two men in towels and other three choking on the air they breathed standing in that chilly hall, and said choking men decided to comply, partly because it'd be much funnier if Sasuke wasn't in the dark, and partly because they knew Sasuke when he was mad, and it wasn't a pretty sight.

"It's hilarious!" Shisui started in between snickers.

"You'll never believe it!" Continued Tekka, trying to breathe properly.

"Fishcake went into Obito's shower." Inabi finished, calmer than his two older brothers, but that was because of his more hippie-like nature other Uchihas seemed to lack.

And that's the statement that brings us to now.

"I'm lovin' this," Shisui whispered with a smirk "It's just like one of Ma's day soaps…"

"This would never happen in an actual day soap, though. Writers aren't that smart-- they always go for the evil long-lost twin shit." Tekka complained. Inabi nodded.

"I know. Right now would be the time they went into commercials." Something clicked "Sasuke! _Don't you dare go into commercials_!"

Sasuke suddenly felt like kicking Inabi where the sun didn't shine.

"Okay…" Obito scratched his cheek "…This is an unusual way to meet my favourite cousin's love. And an unusual way to meet my favourite cousin again. Did I mention you're my favourite cousin, Little Raven?"

Sasuke crossed his arms across his chest, the oh-so-sarcastic and oh-so-Uchiha eyebrow raised at Obito "Aren't you supposed to be in a championship?"

"Yeah… It got called off due to the bad weather and all…"

The younger brunette nodded "Hello, then." He glanced at Naruto, who was biting hard on his lip "You stop doing that. You're gonna hurt yourself." He then shoved his hands in his pockets and continued walking down the hall, five pairs of eyes boring into the back of his head.

"What? _That's it_?" Shisui blinked and groaned "Oh, come _on_! Where's the drama there?! How disappointing! Ya can stop filmin', Nabs. Nabs._ Inabi_!"

Inabi's head snapped up, as he tried to blink away the sleep from his eyes "Uh? W-w-what?" Tekka sighed and rubbed his temples to prevent the headache that was coming his way.

"You fell asleep, Bear." Inabi tilted his head to the side "I did? M'sorry, it's a medical condition…" Shisui's eyes narrowed skeptically.

"What did I tell you about the fucking '_medical condition_' excuse?"

* * *

"He hates me." Naruto sulked.

"No, he doesn't." Obito assured him, trying to get the cap off his black mini Sharpie, and nearly falling off his chair when finally managing to do so.

"Yes, he does. He's gonna break up with me and now I'll have to go back to Konoha all by myself 'cause he hates me so badly, and I just got here and didn't even got a chance to enjoy it, and--"

"--Blondie, relax," Obito interrupted the rant before it got out of hand, flipping the pages of a sketchbook until he found a blank page "Sasuke didn't seem mad!"

Naruto pouted "When he doesn't _seem_ mad is when he's the maddest-- don't you know that? And my name's Naruto, not Blondie."

"Naruto. Fine, then. He's gonna rip us to shreds-- big deal." Obito started writing something very carefully on the paper with the Sharpie "For guys like us, it should be nothin' new."

"I guess you're right 'bout that…" Naruto's heart instantly felt somewhat lighter, and he was now actually able to eat the bacon that Mikoto had so kindly given him to help him cheer up and ease his growling stomach all at once.

After the encounter with Sasuke, Naruto had decided that he had a much greater chance of being forgiven if he looked _absolutely_ fuckable, and he had found the perfect outfit for it. Unfortunately, it wasn't a proper outfit to wear on winter, so Naruto had to be satisfied with only _unbelievably_ fuckable.

He had gone to the kitchen, hoping to find his beloved Uchiha there, but no such luck, as he only found his beloved Uchiha's mother and his beloved Uchiha's cousin.

The one cousin Naruto didn't want to see right now, by the way.

Naruto had been sure that after the shower incident, his future meetings with Obito would be, at the very least, _uncomfortable_ for both of them. But since Naruto was so busy sulking and confusing himself over the fact if Sasuke was angry or not, and since Obito was so busy eating his breakfast and trying to think of the happening as a funny story to tell his friends, that neither had time to make it uncomfortable.

"Hey, I've been meanin' to ask. What's all that championship shit?" Naruto changed the subject, before stuffing his face with bacon.

"Motocross championship. I'm a pro and all," Obito looked up from whatever he was doing on the sketchbook to give his newest pseudo-friend a cocky smirk "And a pretty good pro, if I may say so myself."

The blonde swallowed with ocean blue eyes wide "Motocross? That's so cool, dude!" He grinned admiringly at Obito, who chuckled "It's a cool odd job, I admit."

"What odd job is cool?" Shisui asked them, entering the kitchen and toying with the camera. Mikoto smiled at him "Hi, darling. What treachery did your brothers go off to commit this time?"

"Nothing this time, Auntie Miki." Shisui beamed at her "We're plannin' to be good boys this year!"

"Like Tobi?"

"Just like Tobi!" Mikoto nodded in approval, and took a laundry basket "I'll just go drop these where they belong. Serve yourself some more bacon if you like, and please behave. Fugaku seemed a little stressed last night when we went to bed, even after we made love like when we were young and hippies!" Mikoto shook her head, as Obito's Sharpie loudly scratched out of the page, Shisui definitely dropped the camera, and as Naruto tried not to look _that_ freaked out.

Once she left, Obito ripped off the page he had been working off the sketchbook, crumpling it into a ball. He eyed Shisui carefully "Just like Tobi? Or just like _Madara_ was what you were really trying to say, Little Squirrel?"

Shisui's grin turned into a mischievous smirk "Doesn't really matter, now does it, Bits? After all, they're the same person!"

"Yeah, but he doesn't know that." Obito looked for another blank page, and upon finding it, proceeded to continue writing on it. Naruto blinked with confusion.

"Care to elaborate?" Shisui sat down on the chair besides Obito "Madara's our relative, 'course. And he suffers of Multiple Personality Disorder."

"His other personality is Tobi, and he's like part of the family, too." Obito examined his work on the sketchbook critically "Any other questions? You're startin' to remind me of Sherlock Holmes."

"What's with the animal names?" Naruto didn't lose the opportunity.

"Ma invented those. You'll soon see women in the Uchiha family just _can't_ refer to others than their husbands by their actual names, even though _they_ were the ones who named them. Don't you notice how Auntie Miki only calls Itachi '_honey_', and Sasuke is '_sweetie_'?" Shisui explained.

"I noticed," Naruto lied without even a flinch "Didn't know it was important, though." Obito ripped off the page and showed it to Shisui, who snickered and nodded. Obito rose from his seat and Shisui leaned over to Naruto.

"Our turn to ask questions. How did ya meet Rave'?"

"We went to high school together. I fell for him the moment I saw him, but didn't notice until I accidentally kissed him and enjoyed it a bit too much. He Uchiha Death Glare™'d me then, and as an apology asked me out. I tried to woo him after that 'till our senior year before I could make him see he loved me back." Naruto smiled dreamily, reminiscing.

There was the sound of dusking tape breaking.

"I have a friend who I was like that with!" Obito stated, and both Shisui and Naruto stared at him oddly. He blushed faintly, putting the tape over one edge off his artwork, the blank side shown to his company "I mean, taking off the whole fallin' in love, kissin', datin', and wooin' 'till senior year shit."

"We thought so." Shisui raised an amused eyebrow at him, who blushed deeper.

"There you are! I was lost in my own childhood home because of you!" Sasuke whined, hands of hips, as he entered the kitchen with his eyes fixated on Naruto. Naruto shifted on his seat and bit his lip.

"You came to punish me?" Sasuke stared at him a little more and then sighed tiredly "I still don't know what you're sorry about, so I'mma ignore your efforts and just sit on your lap and enjoy it, m'kay, loser?"

Naruto blinked, but before he could say anything, Sasuke walked over to him and sat down on his laps, wrapping his arms around his neck and nuzzling it.

Obito patted Naruto's back "See? He isn't mad! We won't be ripped to shreds after all!" Naruto grinned sheepishly at him, and wrapped his own arms around Sasuke's waist, who raised an eyebrow at him questioningly, but let it pass.

"Anyway, Naruto, about this friend of mine…" Obito sat again on his chair, the sketchbook's paper nowhere in sight "…He's comin' to spend Christmas Eve dinner with us. Really a last minute thing, but whatever."

Naruto's grin turned more confident "Really? Yaaay! That way I won't be the only outsider here!" Sasuke snorted.

"You're not an outsider, moron." Naruto gave the brunette on his lap a thankful smile.

"Maybe you know my friend-- he lives in Konoha, ya know? And I've heard that in Konoha everybody knows everybody…"

"Well, let's test that theory!" Naruto answered giddily "Tell me his name!"

"Hatake Kakashi." Obito said with an equally bright grin.

Naruto paled. Sasuke paled.

…_More_, I mean.

* * *

"_--Also, not _a word_ to Kakashi-sensei about any of this. He left us in charge of Mr. Ikku and of Pakkun while he's enjoying his holidays, and if he finds out we left his beloved plant and his beloved dog with someone other than _us_, we're dead. Okay, Hinata-chan?"_

* * *

That was when Naruto decided that Obito meant trouble.

* * *

**A/N: **It's done. It's really, really late and I have to go to sleep or otherwise I'm gonna get banned from this computer and you won't get more MTU. I know it's short and bad, so please forgive me! Bye!

--**Not Really Yours**


	6. Good Boys Don't Lie

**A/N: **Ta-dah! It's here again, so everybody say yay. Yay! This chapter was, somehow, inspired by my uncle and my aunt, who's the birthday girl today, by the way, so congratulations to her! Anyway, they interact _a lot_ like Naruto and Sasuke in this, so thanks to them, even though they'll never read it. I'm secretive like that. And also, I want to say happy late birthday to Hai, and I'm really really really sorry I couldn't go with you and help you go through their --they know who they are-- crazy plan, but at least you went to the mall afterwards like you wanted, didn't you?

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. I like to borrow him from Sasuke.

* * *

**Meet The Uchihas**

**Chapter 6: Good Boys Don't Lie**

* * *

"We're dead, loser. _Dead_!" Sasuke threw the pair of snow boots to his blonde idiot, who caught them expertly "Just like that My Chemical Romance's song!"

"How the hell should I know?! I don't listen to My Chemical Romance!" Naruto exclaimed angrily, putting the boots on harshly. Sasuke glared on his direction.

"Well, you should, 'cause it's good fucking music!" The brunette got his own snow boots on, then practically ripped his black winter coat and the navy blue scarf from the hanger "I knew we shouldn't have come! We should've stayed in Konoha, pretending to like the cookies Haruno baked for us, calling the police because Orochimaru showed up again, and holding Inuzuka's hair while he pukes because he can't hold down alcohol!"

"Whatever, asshole!" Naruto took his own red winter coat and put it on "We're here, and we can't just _leave_ now that everyone knows we're here!"

"Oh, it's quite the opposite, dead-last," Sasuke answered as-a-matter-of-factly, wrapping his scarf around his neck "I know these people couldn't care less if you were here or not. And we have a getaway car to escape."

Naruto gave the other a disbelieving look "Sasuke, last night when you made go for our bags, I could barely get out 'cause of the snow. And when we fell asleep, it was _still_ snowing. What the fuck makes you think we'll be able to get my car out of there? It's a fucking F-250!"

"The same thing that convinced me into thinking that dating you was a great idea and that you wouldn't be the death of me, that's what." He sighed tiredly "I hate your car. It gets stuck _everywhere_ 'cause it's so ridiculously _big_."

The blonde frowned "Sasu, I love you with all my heart, and with every passing day I only seem to love you more," He took Sasuke's hand and kissed his knuckles "But you _really_ need to get over _Hot Fuss_."

Sasuke blushed faintly, and tried to hide it with a scowl "Never. And even if I did forgive your stupid car, moron, that wouldn't save us from suffering the horrible, horrible death Kakashi must have in store for us. That pervert is a real sadist. If we leave now, maybe we'll be able to save our asses."

"Look," Naruto pushed the front door open "I know it's your nature, but stop being paranoid. Kakashi may be a sadist, but he's a cool dude, too-- he'll understand! 'Sides, it's not like we left our business, Pakkun, and Mr. Ikku in bad hands."

* * *

"_**Hiya! This is Sasuke and Naruto you're reaching. Right now we can't talk to you because we're having hot steamy sex.**_"

"_**No, we're not.**_"

"_**Don't ruin the tape, you asshole! Uh, anyway, y'all know what to do, don't ya? All you have to do is leave your thang right about… Now**_."

**BEEP**!

"_**Uh, hi. This is Hozuki Suigetsu, your mechanic. Uchiha Sasuke left a black Chevrolet Impala with us for its annual revision… Anyway, boss, I know it's the holidays and all, but we can't keep your car here, man. You gotta come pick it up. So, unless you don't wanna see you car 'till February, I suggest you come by soon. Merry Christmas.**_"

**BEEP**!

Yamanaka Ino ignored the message completely, as she gave the last touches to her masterpiece of the day. When she was done, she squealed, clasping her hands together in delight "Look at her, Hinata! Doesn't she look absolutely gorgeous?" Hyuuga Hinata turned to her blonde friend, half-way through searching Naruto's drawer in his clothes. She gasped, horrified.

"_I-Ino_!" She exclaimed "P-Pakkun is a _boy_!"

Ino rolled her baby blue eyes "So is Haku, and he cross-dressed in a lot of his music videos." The cheerful grin was back into place "Now, is _she_ the cutest dog you've ever seen or what?"

Said canine whined pathetically. Not only had that girl dressed him in a fluffy, sparkly, and pink, of all colours, tutu and tied an electric pink bow around his head, she was also questioning his gender! What had he done to deserve this?!

The Hyuuga smiled tentatively after a few seconds.

"Well… I-I guess she is…"

Meanwhile, by the window laid Mr. Ikku, slowly drying up.

* * *

Sasuke sighed again in defeat "When Kakashi arrives, you better pray Obito liked you enough to save your sexy ass."

Naruto grinned foxily "Who _wouldn't_ save my sexy ass?" He stepped outside, the cold air hitting him on the face.

It wasn't snowing anymore, but a lot of the fluffy white stuff was covering everything. Sitting on the porch, there were a lot of luggage, waiting to be taken inside. Between Naruto's F-250 and a navy blue Honda Civic the blonde assumed belonged to Fugaku, there was a silver mini van with the trunk open that somehow had made its way --and he was sure it would've never made it without Shisui, Tekka, and Inabi's help-- through the snow to park there. Parked on the street, there was a bright red Chevrolet that probably belonged to Obito, as there was a motorcycle tied on the back.

"Uncle Teyaki!" Sasuke called out. From behind the mini van, a voice greeted them.

"Over here!" The brunette took Naruto's hand and guided him to the origin of the voice, and they were greeted by the sight of a fat man whose hair had suffered the passing of the years, as it was completely grey. He grinned warmly.

"Well, I'll be damned! Uchiha Sasuke! And in the flesh! Where did you disappear off to? You had us all worried for you!" The man, who went by the name of Teyaki, pulled Sasuke into a tight hug, which the boy returned somewhat awkwardly "We missed ya!"

Finally free from the vicious grip of his uncle, Sasuke smirked "I was kidnapped by the enemy, Uncle Teyaki." Naruto figured it was some sort of inside joke, as Teyaki laughed like a thunder.

"And who this might be?" The elder Uchiha extended his hand to the blonde "I'm Teyaki. I take you're with my nephew here?"

Naruto shook the hand, trying not to wince from the strong grip that threatened to break his hand "That's right. I'm Uzumaki Naruto, hi."

Teyaki let go of the blonde's hand, chuckling "So you're the fishcake my sons kept talkin' about!"

Sasuke squeezed Naruto's hand affectionately as an attempt to keep him from attacking his uncle for bringing that particular subject up. The blonde forced out a grin "Yep. That'd be me."

"Say, Naruto, is there a reason you look like you were in a street fight, or you're like my sons and like to beat yourself up?" Teyaki asked good-naturedly. Tekka, who was approaching them, frowned when hearing this.

"Get it right, old man," He said "We don't like to beat ourselves up-- we like to beat _each other_ up." He winked at his father and grinned "Now gimme another bag or suffer the consequences of making me stand in this cold." Tekka grunted and did so, and as Tekka left, he turned again to Naruto and Sasuke.

"Yeah… I only look like this because of a chain of unfortunate events…" Naruto rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly with his free hand. Teyaki nodded and laughed again.

"I know what you mean. Fugaku had given me a black eye accidentally the day before I met Uruchi's parents, and they forbid me from seeing her for a month before she convinced them I was a nice guy with mean relatives."

Naruto chuckled at that, and Sasuke allowed himself to smile a little.

"Sasuke, tell me, are you still as uninterested in sports as when I last saw you, or you finally realized they are worth your while?" Teyaki asked his nephew, who shook his head "I still practice reading. But the loser here likes them a lot." The man's eyes shone as he looked at the blonde.

"You do?" Naruto's ocean blue eyes lit up at the mention of the familiar subject, and he nodded vigorously.

"Uh-huh! Especially football." Teyaki's grin widened.

"You got a good catch, Sasuke! I happen to be a fan myself." He crossed his arms "Tell me, Naruto, which team's your favourite?"

All of the sudden, Sasuke's grip on Naruto's hand mimicked Teyaki's, and when the blonde glanced at him questioningly, he gave him a panicking look, but Naruto ignored it and answered the other Uchiha with a foxy grin.

"Konoha Foxes all the way!"

* * *

"You could've told me he was an Oto Pythons' fan," Naruto complained, walking into the Uchiha mansion again with Sasuke's scarf wrapped in snow pressed against his, until then, uninjured eye.

"I tried," Sasuke defended himself nonchalantly, following suit "But not that I think about it, it wouldn't have meant a thing. You were most likely to blurt it out." Naruto frowned.

"Are you insinuating that I can't keep my mouth shut?" He asked, turning to the brunette and glaring at him with one eye. Sasuke scowled, and started to undo his snow boots.

"'_Oi, Naruto, guess what! Temari and I are dating now! But don't tell anyone, okay? It'd be too troublesome if you did!_'" The brunette did his best impression of Shikamaru's voice, and then switched to his version of Naruto's voice "'_Sure thing, Shikamaru! Don't you worry 'bout it! Believe it!_'" The blonde pouted. He didn't say '_believe it_' as much now… "'_Kiba! Shikamaru and Temari are dating!_'"

"Okay, so maybe I'm bad at keepin' secrets." Naruto admitted angrily "Now help me out, will ya? I can't take my clothes off and keep this icicle on my eye at the same time!"

Sasuke grumbled something intelligible and started taking Naruto's coat off, and then turned to hang it. Simultaneously, Naruto turned his back to Sasuke to try and undo his boots himself.

With much difficulty, he finally managed to do so, and turned with a satisfied smile, only to find Sasuke staring at his chest blankly.

"What you starin' at?" He asked, making Sasuke snap from whatever trance he was in. It took a second for the Uchiha to process the question, and when he did, he smirked.

"Oh, nothing…" He took off his jacket and hung it with Naruto's. Then, he walked over to Naruto, wrapping his arms around the blonde's neck.

"…Just thinking about how _true_ that is." Naruto's eyebrows shot up.

"What in the world are you talkin' about, jerk?" Sasuke's smirk widened.

"You'll figure it out, hot stuff," He kissed Naruto lazily, and let go of him, keeping on walking down the hall and climbing the stairs "You'll figure it out."

Naruto stared at the retreating form "What? What?! Aw, come on, bastard, tell me!"

Behind him, the door was opened again, but Naruto decided not to look, in case it was Teyaki and he received a --what now? Fifth?-- punch. However, there was a woman's voice instead of Teyaki's strong one.

"Why, isn't that odd, Madara?" Naruto decided it was safe enough to look, and his eyes met a voluptuous old woman with completely grey hair tied in a bun, and an arrogant-looking man with short, messy ebony hair, both holding grocery bags in their arms. The man, apparently called Madara, nodded.

"I'm guessing you," He said, motioning to Naruto with a slight movement of the head "Are Sasuke's, correct?" He raised the Uchiha eyebrow at the blonde, who dumbly asked "Uh?"

Sure, he was Sasuke's and all, but something was really strange in that comment. How had Madara known? Mikoto didn't look like a gossip-lover, but looks were deceiving… And what was that lady talking about? What was odd?

Naruto was getting confused. And he didn't like being confused.

Madara just shook his head in a very Sasuke-like manner "Forget it. I'm Madara, she's Uruchi-- who're you?"

"N-Naruto," The blonde brushed off his confusion and grinned nervously. Did all Uchihas have to be so _blunt_ and _stoic_? Even though that, from his recent experiences, Naruto could say not all of them were like that "Uzumaki Naruto."

"Oh, hi," The woman, Uruchi, gave him and sweet smile "I'm the aunt. I'm so glad my Little Raven finally found someone special!"

The blonde fought hard against the urge of correcting Uruchi, and saying it was _his_ Little Raven, not hers.

"I'm glad for it, too!" He said instead, grinning a little bit more confidently. He pulled the improvised ice pack from his eye and placed it down on the entrance's table. He took the bag from Uruchi "Lemme help you with that."

"How sweet of you! Helping me when you're so hurt!" Uruchi said thankfully. Her welcoming demeanour suddenly turned into a deep scowl "I bet it was that old and stupid husband of mine, wasn't it? He wouldn't help me with the groceries, I can assure you that! I gave him the best years of my life, and he--"

"--You're scaring him, Uruchi," Madara stopped her rant at the sight of a slightly freaked out Naruto "We don't wanna scare Sasuke's property."

"Sorry," Uruchi smiled sheepishly "I get like that sometimes."

"S'okay." Naruto smiled back, and started walking towards the kitchen, mildly annoyed when he heard the dissimulated laughter --and unprovoked, if you asked him-- coming from behind him. He entered the kitchen, seeing Mikoto there all by herself. Did that woman ever leave the kitchen?

"Mikoto-san," He started, and the deceivingly young woman smiled at him "I bring you Madara, Uruchi-san, and groceries! Where do you want these, and where did those two devils run off to?" He asked her, referring to Obito and Shisui.

"I'm just Mikoto, on the counter please, and I'm sure they're doing something completely useless to human kind." Naruto grinned foxily. He was starting to love that sarcastic humour of hers. Mikoto smiled at her sister-in-law when she entered the kitchen "Did you get everything?"

Uruchi feigned being offended "Of course I did! Who do you think I am? My husband?" She moved from the door to let Madara through "Don't worry. We'll make the perfect fruitcake for Christmas Eve."

"And Tobi _loooves_ fruitcakes!" Madara suddenly exclaimed, startling the three other people with him. Naruto blinked and scratched the back of his head.

_Multiple Personality Disorder, dude_**(1)**.

Right. Everyone had a crazy relative, didn't they? He had his grandfather Jiraiya, the self-proclaimed King Of Perverts. All good.

"Really? That's great, 'cause I do too!" Naruto made a face "S'uke hates it, though."

"What?!" Madara, or rather, _Tobi_, gasped dramatically "Tobi can't imagine the world without fruitcake, and Sasuke hates it?! That's so weird!"

"I know! I keep tellin' him that fruitcake is good stuff, and that he should give it a chance, but he just goes all bastardly on me and I lose my train of thought and we end up fighting and--"

Mikoto and Uruchi exchanged smiles, the gesture going unnoticed by both males, as they chatted animatedly and took out the groceries from the bags.

"How did Naruto meet Sasuke?" Tobi eventually asked, looking genuinely curious about it, and he said so "Tobi is itching to know."

Naruto shrugged "We went to high school together."

The brunette rolled his onyx eyes "But when did Naruto meet Sasuke _officially_? Like, started talking to him and all that jazz?"

"We started_ insulting_ each other after I threw a football ball at him and hoped he could catch it. Which he did!" Naruto winced involuntarily at the memory "…With his head."

"That's such a chick flick cliché!" Mikoto beamed "Meeting your one true love when he hits you in the head!" She sighed dreamily "How romantic!"

"I don't think that most one true loves knock you out cold for five long minutes and call an ambulance, and when you wake up you punch them and start blabbering nonsense because your one true love hit you so damn hard you have to go to the hospital and stay there for two days in chick flicks, but whatever." Naruto took out the last item from the paper bag, which he folded carefully.

"And around what time did you become Sasuke's sex toy?" Tobi inquired innocently.

Cue the old record breaking sound.

"E-e-excuse me?" The blonde stuttered out, looking utterly flustered. Tobi blinked as the both Uchiha woman giggled.

"Sex toy. The sign on your back says so." Tobi's eyes widened considerably, as if he had just realized something deadly important "Or is the sign lying? Lies are _bad_. Tobi doesn't lie, because Tobi is a good boy, and good boys don't lie. Madara's a bad boy and he lies, but not much because truth hurts sometimes and he likes to hurt people--"

"--Sign on my back? _What_ sign on my back?" Naruto answered his own question by reaching unto his back and ripping a paper that had been taped to his shirt.

"That's Obito's handwriting," Tobi informed him "Obito is a bad boy sometimes, too."

"Ugh, tell me about it," Uruchi groaned, rolling her eyes "Of my four children, I never faced a challenge like him! God knows how much he made my heart go into the verge of a heart attack because of his mischief!"

Naruto read the sign and re-read it a few more times. He growled out something that sounded an awful lot like a death threat.

That was when Naruto decided that he could _really_ get to hate one Uchiha Obito.

_DO NOT TOUCH:_

_SASUKE'S SEX TOY_

_BACK OFF IF LIFE IS_

_APPRECIATED_

* * *

**(1) **Can you tell I know _nothing_ of this mental condition?

**A/N: **If _I_ was Naruto, I'd given up by now. What about you? I hope you like this chapter. It's kinda boring for me, but at least I'm done with introducing Uchihas! Unless there's _another_ hidden relative somewhere. God, I hope not.

**--Not Really Yours**


	7. That Classy Dinner Conversation

**A/N: **English is _not_ my first language. Spanish is, language which I love and adore with all my heart. Yet, somehow, English has taken over me enough to make me forget how to say simple words like '_gasp_' in Spanish. The dictionary says '_jadeo_', but I beg to differ, since '_jadeo_' is truly '_pant_'. It's getting on my nerves. What does this got to do with MTU? Nothing at all! I just needed to vent a little! Now on with business: in the story, just so you won't get lost, it's December 23rd, and it's Tuesday. Kakashi shall arrive tomorrow! …Whenever that is.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. I own a Gaara figure, though!

* * *

**Meet The Uchihas**

**Chapter 7: That Classy Dinner Conversation**

* * *

The day went smoothly from those incidents.

Or, at least, as smoothly as a day could go in the Uchiha mansion, which apparently, as Naruto was starting to finally figure out, wasn't smooth at all.

After the sign thing, the blonde had spent a fairly long amount of time trying to convince Mikoto, Uruchi, and Tobi --_and_ Madara, as he eventually decided to re-appear and demanded an explanation to why there was such writings in front of him, as Tobi had been holding the sign at the moment-- that he wasn't a sex toy, and that he was good doing other stuff more than pleasuring Sasuke.

Activity in which he excelled, by the way.

Of course, none of them actually _believed _what Naruto told them, but at least Mikoto and Uruchi had the courtesy to pretend they did.

Wasn't Madara's case, however.

"Oh, _please_, Uzumaki, give me a break," He had said with a sarcastic smirk that looked so much like Sasuke's, as he laced his fingers comfortably behind his head, "You are really expecting me to believe that a guy like Sasuke would get together with a guy like you for anything that isn't sex?"

Much to Naruto's pleasure, that comment earned Madara two smacks on the back of his head, and they would've been three smacks, if it wasn't because Obito was walking through the kitchen's door and Naruto had to glare at him.

Said brunette feigned his innocence pretty convincingly about being the author of the sign, and when Naruto stated that the criminal always returned to the crime scene, he retorted that he was in all his right to get some lunch in the kitchen when his stomach growled, and Naruto couldn't help but to blink and question this, as it still was --according to him-- early morning.

That was when Naruto made two discoveries: one, that it was already _noon_-- it had been a fairly long amount of time trying to convince everybody he wasn't just a sex toy, and two, that the only meal Uchihas ever ate together was dinner.

With this new knowledge, the blonde decided he'd stay in the kitchen until Sasuke came along so they'd have lunch together.

However, his plans met an abrupt end when instead of Sasuke, Itachi came to the kitchen asking for lunch, oh-so-kindly insisting that Naruto ate with him so they could '_get to know each other better_'.

Naruto _really_ wanted to be on everyone's good side and to impress them all so they'd see how perfect he was for the youngest Uchiha**(1)**, so he grudgingly accepted the offer.

The '_getting to know each other_' consisted of an intense staring contest and a tense silence, the only sound becoming the forks and knifes clanking against their plates.

After the stressed meal, Itachi had clasped his hands together and with a slightly disturbing smirk, declared that now that he knew Naruto, he knew he'd be the perfect person to help him out with something he had to do outside.

Always one to believe there was good in everyone and be naïve, Naruto decided he'd give Sasuke's older brother a second chance.

Since Itachi said it was a short thing, Naruto went out without his jacket, which was a _huge_ mistake, as the second he was out the front door, Itachi slammed said door shut.

The blonde knocked and knocked, but it was only after ten hours --Naruto's equivalent for ten minutes-- before someone came around to opening the door and founding his shivering form outside.

This someone happened to be Teyaki, who slammed it on Naruto's face the second he saw blonde hair and ocean blue eyes.

Odd sounds followed. There was who seemed to be Sasuke scolding his uncle, who yelled something along the lines of "I ain't lettin' no Konoha Foxes in!"

And then, Sasuke had opened the door again and pulled the blonde inside, while giving Teyaki the Uchiha Death Glare™, this time looking much more menacing than usual and getting the desired effect of scaring the old man.

The brunette took Naruto to the kitchen, where --surprise, surprise!-- Mikoto was, and gave him a cup of hot chocolate with mini marshmallows and a blanket to warm himself up.

There, right there, with his mother-in-law trying not to giggle at her son's antics and agreeing whenever Sasuke said something about Itachi, and with the love of his life scolding him for being such a moron and falling into Itachi's trap so easily and being worried for him, Naruto felt like he was with his own family, instead of trying to barge into someone else's family, and there was that warm and fuzzy feeling in the pit of his stomach, bubbling as giddily as it did every time he managed to convince Sasuke to cuddle with him.

His corny, out-of-a-movie moment was cut short by Obito, and that was when Naruto realized that not only he could _really_ get to hate Obito, he was already starting to.

Obito wondered for a second what the hell had he done _now_, as Naruto, the blonde his cousin Sasuke had taken a strong liking for, was glaring at him _again_, but decided to shrug it off as an odd Konoha natives' habit, as Kakashi did that --the glaring for no reason-- to him as well. A lot.

So, with that thought, he proceeded to challenge both boys to a _Guitar Hero_ battle.

Had he put any attention to Naruto's sudden wicked grin, maybe he would've saved himself from the utter humiliation he was about to face.

The three went down to the basement, a large room with a massive plasma TV, Wii and DVD, a pool table, three black leather couches and a mini-refrigerator, and started hooking everything up.

While the game loaded, Sasuke declared that he sucked, so he was going to let Naruto do all the work, causing Obito to shove the Wii control inside the guitar so harshly, that it nearly broke.

In Obito's defence, he had thought Sasuke meant that sexually, not that he sucked _in the game_, so he was going to let Naruto do all the work _in the game_.

He didn't deserve looking like he had been the one who fought against Naruto in that street fight he looked like he had been in.

Back into the blonde's point of view, Naruto felt pretty proud of himself. Nailing every song to perfection, he was enjoying every second of kicking Obito's ass.

Once he was officially declared the Guitar Hero of Guitar Heroes, Naruto was taken by Sasuke to his room. There, the brunette huskily informed him that it was time to claim the oh-so-postponed last night's prize, and Naruto was about to start its claiming, when Shisui decided it was a good moment to burst through the door.

It turned out that the Uzumaki Death Glare™ and the Uchiha Death Glare™ combined were far more intimidating that any of said death glares standing alone, if the sudden tears in Shisui's eyes were any indication.

When Shisui finally found his voice again --after eight good minutes of plain _glaring_--, he started blabbering something about Tekka possibly being dead, and since they were Medicine majors, they had to come to declare if he was really dead or not.

Sasuke and Naruto started panicking for different reasons. The former panicked because, well, his cousin was seemingly dead and he knew Shisui and Inabi would find a way to blame the death on him, while the latter panicked rather because, well, he was trying to impress the Uchiha family here, and he was sure a dead body wasn't exactly going to help his case.

Both ran after Shisui to see the corpse, and being the Medicine majors they were, they knew they'd eventually practice with corpses. Somehow, the couple secretly hoped that they'd manage to donate Tekka's body to their college, and if they were lucky, maybe they'd cut him open.

Of course, much to their well-hidden disappointment, Tekka wasn't pushing up daisies. He was merely knocked out in the snow.

Earlier, Inabi had suggested that Tekka jumped from the low part of the roof to the pile of snow that had once been a snow man, and Tekka, just being himself, accepted gladly before even thinking about it. He had been all sprawled out in the snow for two minutes before his two brothers stopped laughing, and Shisui thought that _maybe_ he wasn't faking it after all.

Shisui had came to Naruto and Sasuke because going to any of the responsible adults --Teyaki, Fugaku, Uruchi, and Mikoto-- would be suicide, Madara and Itachi would've probably just laughed in their faces, and Obito was most likely to blackmail them with such information as it was that they were the authors of Tekka's murder. That would have left only Yashiro, the '_mildly cool uncle who doesn't give a rat ass 'bout what we do to ourselves and would take us to the hospital without askin' any fucking questions_', but he always delayed meeting his family as much as he could, so he wasn't there.

His absence left only our protagonists to help out.

"I _know_ you're a cool dude, Rave', and I'm pretty sure you're a cool dude, _too_, Fishcake!" Shisui had said, shamelessly kissing their asses, "You'll help us, won't you?!"

Naruto _really_ wanted to say no.

_Really_.

Yet, as I've mentioned before, Sasuke was a sweet and soft panda inside. Obviously, he'd feel compelled to help his cousins out, which is exactly how he felt.

And obviously, he charmed Naruto into helping him helping them, too.

They spent one hour trying to get the blonde's F-250 out of the snow --"See?" Sasuke exclaimed exasperatedly, "_Ridiculously big_!"--, and then half an hour trying to cramp the two nervous cousins, one dead weight, a skinny brunette and a buff blonde into two seats --"Next time, get an F-350, Fishcake!" Shisui spat out angrily--, and another hour stuck in traffic --"Buy your fucking presents early, you fucking idiots!" Inabi yelled out the window--, but that wasn't all.

Another hour flew by as they managed to get to the hospital, did the paperwork, and waited --"Which is Tekka's blood type?" Naruto asked, blinking--, then it took a second hour to find out that Tekka was merely asleep --"Asleep? _Asleep_?!" Shisui was stopped by security, "He'll continue to sleep with the fucking fishes!"-- and there was nothing wrong with him.

Checking out took an hour --and a sarcastic comment from Sasuke, which said "Are we in a fucking hotel or what?"--, half an hour was stolen cramping everyone into the F-250 again --"It'd be so much easier if Inabi dead weight like his brother!" Naruto exclaimed exasperatedly--, and the other half of that hour went in the way --"Uh? Where am I?" Tekka slurred out, receiving glares as answers-- to get home.

They managed to get just in time for dinner, which is where we find our Guitar Hero at the moment.

Uchihas ate in completely silence. All of them, even Shisui and Obito. Not a word was uttered between them, and Naruto was reminded of his lunch with Itachi.

Coming from such a loud household like his, the silence was starting to make the blonde just a tad uncomfortable. And just like every time he felt uncomfortable, he decided to hide it by talking.

"This steak is great, Mikoto-san."

Everyone, including Sasuke, turned to Naruto mid-chewing to stare at him as if he had just sprouted a second head. Sasuke kicked him under the table, Obito mouthed the words '_what the fuck are you doing_?!' at him, and Shisui bit his lip, shaking his head vigorously. There was a sadistic grin plastered on Itachi's face all of the sudden, and an evil glint shone in the back of Fugaku's eyes.

Inabi discreetly took out the camera from God knows where, and turned it on.

"W-why, thank you, Naruto!" Mikoto recovered from her shock and smiled nervously at the blonde, "I appreciate it!" Naruto failed to notice she had forgotten to tell him she was just Mikoto.

"You know what else seems to be delicious, Mother?" Itachi started, "Being the uke of the relationship! Of course, I wouldn't be sure, as I have never been the uke. Why don't you tell us all about it, Sasuke?"

"_What_?" Sasuke's head snapped to his brother, "What makes you think _I'm_ the uke, Aniki?"

"Well," Madara adventured into the conversation, raising the Uchiha eyebrow, "You _are_ skinnier and shorter than Naruto. And you _could_ pass as a girl in the right garments."

"That's like, the basic requirements to be an uke." Tekka commented nonchalantly.

"And 'sides, I called Naruto your sex toy, and you didn't get mad about it." Obito added "What does a sex toy do? It _pleasures_. And what does an uke do? He gets _pleasured_."

"We want you to know that if you are an uke, we won't judge you," Shisui stated with a grin, "It's in your name."

"You've submitted yourself to a Konoha Fox?!" Teyaki roared, slamming his fists against the table and making everyone jump. In response, Uruchi smacked the back of her husband's head.

"Oh, shut up, you big buffoon! There's nothing wrong with submitting yourself!"

Fugaku shook his head "Actually, Uruchi, there _is_ something wrong with submitting yourself if you're an Uchiha." He glanced at Sasuke pointedly, and the boy looked down, clenching his fists.

"We are semes by nature. We get our junk inside other people, not get other people's junk inside us."

The way Obito bit his lip and guiltily looked away told everyone what they needed to know.

"So you're an uke, aren't you?" Inabi asked his brother, with a soft smile. Obito's face was suddenly the colour of a cherry.

"Yeah, s-so what?" He crossed his arms nervously across his chest "In the right garments, I could be a girl, too."

"Well, so my nephew and my son are ukes," Fugaku sighed disappointedly "At least I have Itachi, a perfect example of how Uchihas are supposed to be!"

Naruto stole a glance at Sasuke, who looked down with a depressed aura to him, making the blonde feel sad like him and boil with anger at the same time towards Fugaku. He had no right to be so mean about something as trivial as seme and uke. It was the love in the relationship what mattered, not the sex!

"Beg to differ," Tekka said, "Itachi can pass as a girl in the right garments as well."

"Besides, guess what, Father!" Sasuke looked up with sudden defiance, "Remember Kisame? Aniki experimented with 'im during high school. And you know? Aniki was the _uke_!"

Itachi gasped indignantly, "I was not!"

"Was too!"

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Was not!"

"_Was too_!" Sasuke yelled angrily, "So what if we preferred receiving cock rather than giving it?" He turned to Mikoto and whined childishly, "Mom! Tell him there's nothing wrong with that!"

Mikoto cleared her throat "Honey, if your brother prefers having another boy's dick shoved up his ass rather than shoving his own dick up said other boy's ass, you'll have to live with it and accept his choice. Now, please, let's all continue to have dinner in peace."

And the complete silence was back as if nothing had happened, making Naruto, who hadn't intervened more in the conversation after his comment on the quality of the steak, blink.

That was when Naruto learned why the Uchihas never talked during dinner.

And he thought _his_ family had awkward conversations…

* * *

**(1)** Sasuke _is_ the youngest Uchiha. I checked.

**A/N: **Le done! I have the whole week free of school, so maybe I'll get started on the next chapter, but I don't trust my muse that much. Besides, I still have to figure out how to say '_gasp_'. But I hope you liked this one and it hasn't wavered in its quality --it _has_ quality?-- since the beginning! Buh-bye, now! :D

**--Not Really Yours**


	8. Game On!

**A/N: **_Finally_, Yashiro has been squeezed into the story. _Now_, is there someone I'm forgetting? _Again_? Hope not. I just might jump from a bridge if there was someone else I forgot to add, and join the poor unfortunate souls haunting Montecarmelo, an old theatre that used to be a convent, right next to the poor unfortunate souls that haunt Patrocinio de San José, a boarding school which's neighbours with Montecarmelo. I'm teaching you South America here.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. I own a _Clue_ board, and I lost it.

* * *

**Meet The Uchihas**

**Chapter 8: Game On!**

* * *

Uchiha Yashiro made himself present in the Uchiha mansion at that of nine o'clock, cell phone's free hands glued to his ear, as he ordered around whoever was the unlucky bastard on the other line.

The then present Uchiha family, along with our Guitar Hero, had just finished dinner, and they were all enjoying its afterglow in silence, as talking was no good. The women were collecting the dishes, when Teyaki decided to speak up, as he rubbed his belly like a pregnant woman.

Yes-- the comparison had been equally disturbing to Naruto.

"Say, Fugaku, when is Yashiro deciding to show up? I know our little brother is busy making himself more unnecessarily rich than he already is by default of being an Uchiha, and that he hates us all, but still…"

The chief of police was ready to answer, when the doorbell was rung, and on the other side of the door, stood the little brother they spoke of.

Yashiro was short, just an inch after Uruchi, who was the shortest Uchiha so far. His eyebrows, his goatee, and his wild and spiky hair were dyed bleach blonde, and his onyx eyes were hidden behind dark glasses. He dressed elegantly, with a suit and a long coat, all black and neat.

Naruto tried to introduce himself.

"Hi, I'm Uzumaki Naruto." He said, with his foxy grin, and the faux blonde glanced at him briefly before looking away and saying, "Yeah, how you doing, man?"

The natural blonde thought it was a good start. So his grin widened and he answered the question, "I'm doin' great. How about you?"

Yashiro huffed loudly, "Are you serious? Haven't you read any newspapers lately? The economy's going to shit! _Shit_! How do ya think I'm doing, jerk?!"

Ocean blue eyes widened in panic, "I-I-I guess you're doing like--"

"--Don't answer that. You're making a bigger fool of yourself." Yashiro interrupted. He took a deep breath, "I'm doing fine. I'm still filthy rich, so the economy can go to shit for all I care."

"O-okay, yeah," Naruto stuttered, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, "Believe it."

"Now talk to me."

The blonde blinked. Wasn't he supposed to shut up?

"Moron," Sasuke crossed his arms, and quirked his Uchiha eyebrow at him, "Uncle Yashiro is talking to his phone."

"Oh," Naruto nodded vigorously, involuntarily blushing a little, "I knew that."

"Of course you did." Sasuke replied, rolling his onyx eyes and sounding completely unconvinced.

Naruto pouted. Just because their relationship was established and all, it didn't mean the blonde didn't like to impress Sasuke.

Had it been up to him, actually, the brunette would've been swept off his feet in a basis much more frequent than the daily basis they had for kissing.

And that was_ really_ frequent.

"Naruto's an idiot, Sasuke," Itachi said, as if Naruto was invisible to him, which was probably the case anyway, "Is he really _that_ unbelievably awesome in bed that you just won't let him go?"

"Hey!" The blonde exclaimed angrily, as the three of them plus Obito and followed closely by Yashiro and his cell phone, left the Uchiha mansion's entrance and moved towards the living room "I might be unbelievably awesome in bed, but I've got other good things, too!"

"Oh, yeah?" Itachi narrowed his eyes, "Name one."

"Guys, guys," Obito shook his head, putting a hand on both Itachi's and Naruto's shoulder, "Don't fight. Little Weasel, you know if Sasuke _did_ find someone smarter than Naruto, you'd say that Mr. Smarty-Pants is too much of a know-it-all."

"Hold it! I'mma stop you right there!" Naruto yelled, suddenly taking Sasuke and hugging him possessively, "Sasu ain't findin' no smarter person! Sasu's _mine_!"

"And he's my idiot," Sasuke answered, glaring heatedly at his older brother, "So don't get your hopes up, Aniki. I'm not dumping this hot stuff for someone smarter-- I'm the smart one here, and I plan to keep it that way."

Itachi mumbled something along the lines of, "At least someone who wasn't so _orange_…"

They entered the living room, finding the three infamous cousins sitting on the couch in front of the chimney. By the window were Teyaki and Fugaku, seemingly discussing something serious. On the carpet sat Madara, or rather, Tobi, humming a happy nameless tune.

After Yashiro and the cell phone were inside the room, Obito slid the traditional door shut, and then turned to his family with hands placed on his hips and a determined air.

"Alright, then!" A goofy grin took over him, "Let's play a game!"

"Game? Yes, games!" Tobi beamed, "Tobi loves games just as much as he loves fruitcake!"

"Son," Teyaki crossed his arms and eyed his eldest offspring suspiciously, "Whaddya smoke _this time_?"

Obito flushed a dark crimson --Naruto was starting to notice he was easily embarrassed-- and scratched his cheek.

"Nothing, daddy dearest! Just Auntie Miki's and Ma's fruitcake, and for what I hear, it's a legal drug. Stop givin' me Uncle 'Gaku's cop stare!"

"Yeah, stop giving him my cop stare," Fugaku gave said stare to Naruto, "I'm the only one in position to decide what to do with it."

"No, bad Uncle 'Gaku!" Shisui said, as if talking to a dog that had peed on the carpet, "Fishcake is like, _the_ person S'uke has ever brought to us that we actually like a little tiny bit, and don't feel like killin'!"

Naruto felt special. Really.

"Who said I was giving Naruto the cop stare? Why would I--?"

"--Enough chit chat, you people!" Obito exclaimed, "Let the games begin!"

* * *

**Game 1: The Exquisite Corpse(1)**

"Surrealists used to play this. The idea of the game is to agree on a subject, then write a verse, _just one_, about that subject. Then you fold your verse in a way no one sees it, and you pass the paper to the next guy, who writes his verse, folds it, and gives it to the next guy, and so on, so on." Obito made a pause, "Got it, motherfuckers?"

"Why _Exquisite Corpse_? Sounds morbid." Yashiro winced, "Tried to sell that as a game, no one would buy it, except maybe Goths."

"The first verse ever written was that, '_the exquisite_ _corpse_'." Obito turned to Naruto, "Naruto and 'Tachi will make a demonstration, to make sure any slow-learner left behind gets it, 'kay?"

"What? Why me? And why me with _him_?!" Itachi asked, sounding slightly desperate. Naruto frowned at him.

"Let's start so Obito'll be happy." Naruto muttered, "The theme will be Christmas."

With the pen and the paper Obito handed him mere minutes ago in hand, the blonde thought for a few seconds before writing something down, folding the paper slightly, and handing it to Itachi.

Itachi glared warily at the paper for a moment, but then took it and mimicked Naruto's actions, begrudgingly.

The rest of the Uchihas watched back and forth in a tense silence as the exchanging continued. Well, at least most of them watched-- Yashiro had received yet _another_ call and Inabi had fallen asleep suddenly, as narcolepsy dictated him to do.

"Done." Itachi said finally.

"Lemme read!" Obito snatched away the paper from his cousin, reading Naruto's bold writings and Itachi's soft and cursive handwriting in silence.

'**Christmas is the loveliest of times**'

'_Jingle bells, jingle bells, I'll choke Naruto to death_'

'**Under mistletoe**'

'_His guts will serve as our tree decoration_'

'**I'll give Sasuke a ****special**** present**'

'_Poison in his hot chocolate I shall put_'

'**Snow angels we'll all do**'

'_His present will be a bomb_'

'**And it's so cold, Sasuke will want to cuddle**'

'_His blonde head I shall stuff like Christmas Eve dinner_'

'**I can already taste that turkey**'

'_Although Oto looks down on cannibalism_'

'**Mikoto-san tomorrow will cook**'

'_Dear Santa_'

'**I wish to get ramen this year**'

'_Give me Naruto's corpse_'

'**In a silver platter worth of a king**'

'_Wrapped in paper stained in his most-likely-to-be-orange blood_'

'**Merry Christmas**'

'_Not-so-merry Christmas, since Naruto's here_'

"So?" Naruto asked, slightly nervous in Obito's stunned silence, "Did we pull it off or not, dude?"

The Uchiha, in response, tore the poem of sorts in half, causing everyone to gasp.

"Why did ya do that, Bits?!" Shisui exclaimed, bewildered, as Sasuke held down Naruto, who just wanted to kill Obito right now. He had put much effort on those verse, damn it!

"One's talking 'bout special presents and cuddling, the other is all about gruesome murders…" The eldest Uchiha cousin shook his head disapprovingly, "Y'all obviously too dumb to get this game!"

"Then let's play something else." Tekka suggested.

* * *

**Game 2: Die, Die, Die!**

"Pein, a friend of mine, gave me these." Madara, who was back as Tobi had left at some point during the poem, held an unusual-looking deck of cards, "Each have a death written on them, and depending on which you choose, that's how you're gonna die."

"Sounds like lots of macabre fun," Sasuke commented, a sadistic gleam in the back of his eyes, "Let's play, and Aniki starts."

Itachi grunted, but took out a card nonetheless.

"Read it aloud, Itachi." Asked Teyaki, somewhat impatient, as the game was causing a bit of thrill inside of him.

"'_Your younger brother will hunt you down and successfully exhaust you to death_'." Itachi snorted, "No, he won't! Sasuke's a weak foolish little brother!"

"Hey!" Sasuke protested, scowling, "I could hunt you down and exhaust you to death if I wanted to!"

Itachi rolled his onyx eyes, "_Please_-- you lack the hatred to do so, Sasuke."

The younger brunette was ready to pounce on him and start a fight, but his father stopped his actions with a wave of the hand, calling everyone's attention.

"I'll give it a try," He announced, taking a card from Madara's deck, "I want to know how my life as the father of two ukes is going to end."

He cleared his throat and read, "'_In a murder rampage, your eldest son will slaughter you, leaving your youngest son traumatized and being an Avenger with capital A_'." Fugaku frowned, "Interesting."

Inabi yawned, and stretched. Tekka grunted with disbelief, "Now, why would our Little Weasel kill our Uncle 'Gaku? That's completely illogical."

"If I were to slaughter Father and leave Sasuke traumatized and becoming an Avenger with capital A, maybe I'd do it just because." Itachi answered nonchalantly.

"Besides, why would I become an Avenger with capital A? I don't hold grudges." Sasuke added, as-a-matter-of-factly, comment which made Naruto snicker. The brunette turned to the blonde, already preparing an Uchiha Death Glare™.

"What's so fucking funny, dead-last?" Naruto just shook his head, still grinning foxily, "Just the idea of you not holding grudges, jerk."

"Don't your remember Sakon and Ukon, Rave'?" Inabi asked, tilting his head to the side with sleepy eyes, "Y'know, those two older twins that when you were in preschool threw a baseball ball at you and didn't even try to apologize-- they signed the ball, didn't they? The one you keep in your room."

"Yes, I remember them." Sasuke replied warily.

Inabi grinned a little, "Then you must remember the revenge you took on them when you were _ten_, don't you?"

"…Yes…"

Inabi's grin turned devious, a side Naruto didn't know this particular Uchiha had in him, "Then there's no point denying your grudge-holding ways, S'uke. Waiting from preschool to elementary school to get some vengeance _is_ a long time."

"And if you won't admit it with that, I want you to remember how everyone in Oto knows that you threw golf balls at their heads." Shisui smirked, "Nobody'll rat you out 'cause everyone hated Sakon and Ukon, though."

"It was a nice touch how you added instant glue to the golf balls so they'd be stuck to their heads." Tekka complimented, patting his younger cousin's head as if he was a proud father.

"I can still hear those blood-curling screams ringin' through town when they finally came to and tried --dumbly-- to get the balls off." Inabi commented, and his two brothers nodded enthusiastically.

"When they returned to school and people had a way to recognize them without looking at their bangs, it was hilarious." Shisui said, chuckling already at the memory he seemed so fond of.

Naruto cringed at the thought of those poor twins, "Was it bad?"

"Bad as an economic crisis," Yashiro answered him, sounding slightly bitter, "Sakon wore a cap because the doctors ripped a patch of his hair when removing the ball, and Ukon wore a beanie to keep everyone from seeing the big, bright red mark that was left right in middle of his forehead. The only reason we aren't paying a law suit from their parents, is because no one could prove Sasuke here actually did it, even though everyone knew it had been him. Especially after seeing that scary smirk of his when the matter was addressed."

"And why did you wait 'till you were ten, ya grudge-holding bastard?" Naruto asked the brunette, genuinely curious about it.

"Because if I did it right away, then there would've been a motive and proofs, and those motherfuckers' parents would've charged me with assault." Onyx eyes widened comically, realizing he had just given himself away, "I mean… That's why I _would've_ waited… If I had really been guilty… Which I am not, by the way, and… And…" Sasuke growled and punched Naruto's arm harshly, "Loser!"

Naruto smirked like it hadn't hurt, although inside he was crying like a baby, "_Riiight_, asshole."

"On with the game, will you?" Shisui asked, exasperated, snatching a card from Madara, "'_Your cousin and best friend will drown you in the river and make it look like a suicide just for the power it'll give him_'." Shisui gasped dramatically, "Itachi! Why would you do that?!"

"I'm your best friend?" Itachi raised the Uchiha eyebrow, "Ah, how sweet."

"Oi, check out mine." Obito ordered, "'_You'll be rock climbing with your best friend to save your crush, when a rock will fall and crush your side, and as your dying wish, you'll give your good eye to your friend, who'll visit from that day, your grave every morning and be late for his job as consequence_'."

"Sounds painful," Tekka commented, "Can Nabs film it?"

Obito shrugged, "What the hell-- go for it. But I suggest your cameraman is awake, first."

Inabi mumbled something in his sleep and turned, as if agreeing.

* * *

**Game 3: **_**Clue**_

"Okay, then… I, uh," Naruto doubted for a moment before choosing randomly, "It was Mrs. White… With the rope… In the study."

Everybody was silent.

Sasuke, reading the silence that had taken over his family around the _Clue_ board, sighed with annoyance and slammed his cards down on the table, "Every time we play _Clue_, you pull this shit, moron. Every fucking time! Get tired already!"

"Fucking prick! S'not my fault!" Naruto blushed a deep pink that went up to his ears, shrinking on his seat a little, which was hard, considering how tall he was.

"…It just happens…"

"Hold on a sec," Shisui ran a hand through his hair, "Are you one of those dudes who uncover the mystery in their very first turn, Fishcake?"

The blonde blushed even more.

"That's so awesome!" Tobi exclaimed, suddenly taking over Madara with a goofy grin, "Tobi wished he could do that, too!"

"I can't play like this." Obito muttered, leaning back on his seat and crossing his arms with a huff.

"Me neither," Yashiro added, a vein popping on his right temple just like Naruto, "Gimme my money back!"

* * *

**Game 4: I Spy**

If anyone was especially happy when Uruchi and Mikoto finally decided to join the Uchiha men and the Uzumaki boy, it had to be their respective husbands.

The way the two brothers' eyes lit up upon catching sight of their women, and the way their normally harsh features softened as they both smiled warmly, made Naruto melt inside, smile softly, and reach out for Sasuke's hand, who smiled back at him and squeezed the hand.

That was life. Reaching an old age and have someone who stuck by your side no matter was something that made Naruto's heart stir with joy during moments like these.

He remembered growing up and watching his grandparents, Jiraiya and Tsunade, bicker and complain about each other, but still loving each other more than anything in the world. And he remembered wishing to have someone to spend the rest of his life with, just like they had each other.

A hopeless romantic, he was. In secret.

The blonde looked over to Sasuke, who looked just as deep in thought as he had been a few moments ago, staring at his parents. Naruto felt his heart speeding up, his hands sweat, and his stomach be filled by those hysterically fluttering butterflies. Maybe…

"I spy with my little eye," His train of thought was interrupted by Tobi's voice, "Something orange."

Shisui whistled, "Tough one. I'll say… Fishcake?"

Tobi gasped, genuinely surprised, "Yes! Whoa, Shisui, you're really good at this game! Is Shisui sure he isn't a psychic or something?"

"You never know, Tobi," Shisui smirked, "I just might be one. My turn, then, and I spy with my little eye… Something in love!"

"Naruto!" Tobi exclaimed enthusiastically. Shisui nodded vigorously, "You know, I think _you_ might be the psychic here, Tobi! You're guessin' each one I do!"

"Guys!" Obito whined, "You're monopolizing the game!"

"_Monopoly_? Where?" Yashiro, who had been answering his third call of the night, looked up, "Let's play _Monopoly_."

* * *

**Game 5: **_**Monopoly**_

"Okay, that's _it_!" Tekka yelled, throwing the _Monopoly_ board far away and destroying the current game going on, "It's three fucking am, and I wanna sleep! 'Sides, Ma's cheating!"

"What? Me?" Uruchi, the bank, feigned innocence and being hurt by the accusation, "I would never do that, my Little Eagle!"

"Yes, you would! You do it every fucking time, as a matter of fact, cheating whore!" Tekka continued on yelling, and when Teyaki touched his shoulder, he shook it off violently, "Don't touch me, old man! Ma's a cheating whore and you know it!"

He then fell to the floor, weeping and rolling on it.

"Does that breakdown mean this game's over? _Please_?" Inabi asked, sleep evident in his sleep. Naruto looked around. Uchihas seemed to have dark bags naturally, highlighted because of their pale skin, but now, after two hours of _Monopoly_, he felt like he was in _The Night Of The Living Dead_.

Not that he wasn't exhausted as well. And Sasuke was nodding off.

"What? No, you weakling!" Yashiro, the only one who looked like he'd stand another hour of that hellish game, exclaimed, "We've barely started!"

"If we declare you the winner, do we get to go to bed?" Fugaku asked, hopeful. Yashiro contemplated it for a second, and then nodded. Fugaku nodded back and looked around.

"Do we all agree on Yashiro being the _Monopoly_ Extraordinaire?"

Groans were his answer. Fugaku turned to his little brother again, "There you go-- congratulations. Now we're all off to bed."

* * *

"That was…"

"…Intense?" Sasuke suggested, stifling a yawn as he watched Naruto slip into his pyjamas' shirt. The blonde nodded tiredly, and now that he was ready, falling on his mattress.

"I'm starting to feel you were right 'bout staying in Konoha." He commented, his voice muffled against the pillow. Sasuke smirked down at him from his bed.

"Again, it's not too late to go back." The brunette then rolled off the bed, and fell softly on the mattress, and settled next to Naruto, hugging his waist and laying his head on the other's chest, eyes closed.

"Whaddya doin'…?" Naruto asked him, confused and sleep-deprived as he was.

"I'mma sleep with you tonight…" Sasuke opened an eye and stared at him, "…Unless that's a problem."

"Not at all." Naruto hugged Sasuke back, but didn't receive any kind of answer. Upon the permission from Naruto, the brunette had fallen asleep.

The blonde contemplated the Uchiha's beautiful and unusually peaceful face. He looked so adorable when he slept. It was one of his guilty pleasures, watching Sasuke asleep, since it was so hard to see him like that any other time of the day.

_I could do this forever._

Naruto blinked at that thought. He had always seen Sasuke as someone he would spend a long time with before they even thought of separating or breaking up, but had never contemplated the idea of Sasuke being the one he belonged with.

Not because he thought it was impossible, but rather because he had expected his true love to be much more… Grandeur. He thought he would know the second that special person entered his life that they were meant for each other, and with Sasuke he hadn't even noticed when the brunette was suddenly the most important and vital thing in his life.

True, with no one he was as comfortable as with Sasuke, and no one made him feel the things Sasuke made him feel. The very thought of leaving Sasuke, even just for a minute, horrified him. He knew his world would come crashing down around him if Sasuke ever left his side. And even thinking of breaking Sasuke's heart made him feel like the most horrible monster alive, and as if those kids in elementary school had been right about calling him '_monster_'.

At night, sometimes he'd stay up thinking of the future. And before Sasuke, it had always seemed oddly empty for reason he couldn't quite put his finger on. And after Sasuke, everything made sense, and the brunette took over his future, being in everything Naruto dared to imagine.

_Why not_?

The thought brought a giddy smile to Naruto's face.

_Maybe_…

* * *

**(1)**To Mr. Gustavo-- because writing depressing poetry about death in the library wouldn't be the same without you and your tallness teaching us weird games.

**A/N: **The last part was so… So… What do you think Naruto's thinking about? And by the way, that's the part where it ain't such a filler. That poem between Itachi and Naruto, I wrote it, and I can't help to feel as if I have something against Naruto. Something big. Don't you?

**--Not Really Yours**


	9. Need For Speed & Shopping Sprees

**A/N: **Jingle bells, jingle bells, I'll choke Naruto to death… What? It's a catchy tune and you know it! This chapter and the next one are dedicated to the ever-so-amazing** waitsiriusly411**, because two heads think better than one and because three sugar cubes in the coffee rule.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. I could buy a terrain and call it Konoha, though.

* * *

**Meet The Uchihas**

**Chapter 9: Need For Speed & Shopping Sprees**

* * *

"Fishcake."

"…"

"Fishcake."

"…"

"Fishcake!"

"…"

"FISHCAKE!"

"…"

"Oh, for the love of… **FISHCAKE**! Either you wake up like, _right now_, or I'll kick ya where the sun don't shine, you little blonde fucker!"

"…"

"You know what, Shisui? Just fucking do it. We warned him and he didn't wake up."

"Yeah, I get to kick 'im!"

And Shisui did just what he had claimed he'd do, successfully making ocean blue eyes snap open, a certain blonde jolt up violently and pulling up a certain brunette, who was clinging to him like he was his only life-line, along the way, all the while gripping his precious --and damaged-- family jewels.

"F-f-fuck… Y-you… Bastard…!" Naruto managed to spat out angrily through the intense pain he was feeling down there, his voice strained.

He was greeted with the familiar --and very unwanted right now-- faces of Shisui, Tekka, Inabi, and Madara, the latter seeming slightly sweeter this morning, so Naruto assumed, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he was dealing with Tobi this morning.

Not that Naruto cared about that now. He was busy worrying about other _stuff_ --really important stuff-- at the moment.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Shisui rolled his eyes impatiently, "I'm really not sorry. Could you start dressing? We need to get outta here quickly."

"Y-you, you… _Dude_!" Naruto cried out, letting his stiff body fall once again on his mattress with a refusing-to-let-go and sound asleep Sasuke, "Y-you kick my b-boys and then expect me t-to just… _Rise and shine_?!"

Shisui blinked, "Yeah."

Naruto moaned, "What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?!"

"What _isn't_ wrong with him would be a better question, Fishcake." Tekka commented, and then pointed to Madara/Tobi, "This is--"

"--Madara, I know that." The blonde growled out, the pain in his groin dulling slightly, yet not enough. He glared at the Uchihas in general, "I may not be the brightest light bulb in the chandelier, but I can remember a name."

"He's not Madara. He's--"

"--Tobi! Hey, good boy! How's it hangin' this… Painful morning?" Naruto gave the brunette a tight half-smile, and to his surprise, Tobi frowned.

"I'm Izuna." Naruto blinked and loosened the grip he had on his balls, as the pain was starting to go away. He cocked his head to the side, bumping slightly with Sasuke's, who unconsciously buried his nose in golden locks in response.

"…There's a third personality?" There was a collective groan around the room, and the Izuna person cleared his throat.

"I'm Madara's younger brother. Let us finish our sentences next time, m'kay, Fishcake?" Izuna drawled sarcastically, and Naruto scowled.

"My name's not '_fishcake_'! It's Naruto, _Naruto_! N-A-R-U-T-O!" He shook his head, "When are this people gonna learn?"

It was Izuna's turn to blink, "Isn't '_fishcake_' the meaning of '_Naruto_'… Naruto?"

Naruto wasn't going to dignify that with an answer.

"Hence the nickname." Tekka replied for him. Shisui glanced at his watch, "It's already _seven_! Now that everyone knows everyone, can you hurry up, Fishcake, and get fucking dressed?! It's isn't like we have much time!"

"Much time for what, man?" Naruto demanded, "I'm not gettin' up of this…" He thought a moment in search of a proper adjective, "…_Perfectly good bed done with tons of love and care_ if you don't explain yourself!"

"Y'know, Little Monkey, it's only fair. You kicked his baby-makers." Inabi added, "You don't kick people's baby-makers."

"Whatever," Shisui muttered, crossing his arms and looking away, "It isn't like he's gonna use his baby-makers… He's with _Sasuke_…"

"And you probably left him with one nut." Tekka said, hiding his little smile that threatened to come up.

Shisui glared at his two brothers, then groaned in defeat, "Fine! You know it's Christmas Eve today, don't you, Fishcake?" Naruto nodded, "And you know who's comin' today…"

There was a pause, before the blonde adventured in with a tentative answer, "…Izuna?"

"No. Well, yeah, but I'm talking 'bout that _other_ person who is going to arrive today! That person Obito mentioned yesterday… Rings any bells?" Shisui pressed on urgently.

Naruto thought hard.

…

…He was getting a headache now.

"I'm sorry, Shisui, but I have absolutely no idea whom you're talking about, so if you guys excuse me," Naruto took the forgotten sheets and tucked a still surprisingly asleep Sasuke and himself under them comfortably, "I'll join my sweet S'uke in dreamland. Whoever's coming can't be _that_ bad, so I'll sleep, you'll go away, and everyone will be happy." He closed his eyes tightly and sighed in satisfaction now that he was enjoying his cuddling with Sasuke for real, "Now, good morning."

"Hatake Kakashi's coming, dude." Inabi finally gave in and revealed the mysterious person's identity flatly to the blonde, who once again bolted up from the bed, this time standing fully and leaving Sasuke behind, a frantic look of panic plastered on his face.

"**WHAT**?!"

Back in Konoha, taking a shower, Haruno Sakura dropped the soap and grabbed the curtain, screeching in terror, much to her neighbours' misfortune. She then blinked and looked around. That was weird. She could swear she had just heard Uzumaki Naruto, of all people. It wasn't like it would've been the first time he was in there. But Sakura just took a deep breath and straightened up as water continued to run. She decided she'd let it go for now, but she'd keep an eye on this voice-hearing business. Either she was in _Ghost Whisperer_ or going nuts, and the latter seemed the most appealing.

"Oh my God, I fucking forgot!" Naruto slapped his forehead repeatedly, "How could I forget _that_?!"

Inabi cleared his throat, "Calm down, Fishcake."

"Obito… Kakashi… Konoha… Dead… Song… Sasuke… My Chemical Romance…" Naruto mumbled incoherently. Upon the mention of one of his favourite bands, Sasuke muttered '_Frank Iero is hot_' and smiled sleepily, actions that in any other circumstances would've made Naruto feel utterly betrayed.

"One had to be an idiot or Obito to _not _notice you_ did_ know this Kakashi who's most likely to be fucking my big brother, and that he probably hates you and Sasuke for some random reason like that," Shisui beamed, "So we decided we would save you!"

"By taking you with us to do some last minute Christmas shopping!" Tekka added with a twin grin. Naruto gave them a disbelieving look.

"You _really_ want to save me or you just want me help you with the presents?"

"Both." Izuna answered shamelessly. Shisui blushed a little, "It's not like you bought presents, so you could really use a visit to the mall during Christmas Eve!"

Naruto grumbled and turned to wake Sasuke.

"No, no, no! Leave Little Raven here!" Tekka ordered, and the blonde involuntarily gasped in horror.

"We can't leave him here-- Kakashi-sensei will rip him to shreds!"

"Don't worry, Fishcake, Auntie Miki's here to protect him!" Shisui insisted, "Now let's go! The mall's gonna open soon and if we don't go in _now_, trust me, we ain't gettin' in!"

* * *

"_**Oto PD, yeah. What's your emergency?**_"

"Deidara, it's Chief Fugaku again." Fugaku whispered harshly into the phone, afraid of being caught. Deidara spoke again, "_**Chief Fugaku, yeah? You know you have a private line for a reason, don't you, yeah?**_"

"Yes, I know," Fugaku growled out, "Now, Deidara, I expect you have something good on the kid I told you to check, or I'll make sure you're fired by tomorrow morning as a Christmas present." The blonde on the other side of the line chuckled lightly.

"_**Don't worry, yeah. It took me a while, yeah, this Naruto guy's sneaky. But I found some dirt, yeah**_."

Fugaku was glad they weren't face to face, as he found himself flushing a pretty pink.

"What in the world makes you believe that what I want is _dirt_?" The Uchiha asked sternly, not letting any of the embarrassment he was feeling at the moment leak into his words.

He could _feel_ the other one rolling his eyes, "_**Chief Fugaku, yeah, I may act like I am, but I'm not stupid, yeah**_."

Fugaku couldn't help but to mentally curse Deidara. He was the worst subordinate in history.

"For all you know, Deidara, this background checking could be for a case." He retorted, as-a-matter-of-factly.

"_**Yeah? What case**_?"

Fugaku was submerged in a tense silence for a few seconds, "…It's confidential."

"_**Sure, sir, yeah**_." Deidara replied, totally unconvinced, "_**So, about this dirt**_--"

"--I already told you it's not dirt what I'm looking for!" Fugaku snapped, even though it was a big fat lie. He cleared his throat and recovered a professional tone of voice, "Not here. You never know, someone might be listening. Come to my house and we'll talk."

The blonde cop groaned, "_**Chief, it's freezing outside, yeah, and you live so far away from the station… Plus, it's Christmas Eve, yeah, and**_--"

"--Itachi's here. All day. All alone."

Deidara was silent for a moment, before asking in a faux nonchalant voice that failed to hide his excitement and giddiness at the prospect of seeing the eldest Uchiha brother.

"_**Around what time you said you wanted me there, yeah**_?"

* * *

Naruto was slowly starting to realize that, in the case he was to ride a car with an Uchiha, that trip, as short as it may be, was bound to be epic.

Like, _really_ epic.

They had decided they'd go on the mini van, not wanting to repeat the day before's incident with Naruto's F-250 and because Shisui had already stolen the keys from his father with what he called '_super ninja stealth skills_'.

Naruto was the one designated to drive by an election that wasn't at all democratic.

Fortunately for them, it hadn't been snowing the night before, so they were able to get the mini van out to the street by using the road they had cleared for Naruto's car.

Unfortunately for them, said street was covered in ice.

Naruto wasn't a risk-taker-- most of the time, he was just being reckless. With that information, one could infer he was obviously not going to speed up on an iced street, rushed or not.

He appreciated his life and wanted to see Sasuke again, thank you very much.

However, Izuna didn't give a fuck about Naruto's life and his desire to see Sasuke again, so without any kind of warning, the Uchiha grabbed the steering wheel from the co-pilot's seat and all of the sudden, the mini van was inside a scene of _The Transporter_ meets _Fast N' Furious_.

The blonde's life flashed before his ocean blue eyes --and he couldn't help but to think he was really pissed with himself for not having the balls to wear a pink shirt every once in a while like Sasuke did, but he guessed there was something about being an uke that made people pull off some shit more graciously than the one on top--, and he didn't even noticed as he was moved from the driver's seat to the co-pilot's seat Izuna had been previously occupying, looking harmless.

The rest of the Uchihas seemed used to these kinds of stunts.

"I was reminded of my accident, poor me," Shisui commented dully, stretching on the back seat, "The only good part of it is that I get all you morons to do the lifting for me."

"You see, Fishcake, Izzie 'ere felt you weren't going fast enough for him, so he decided to take the matter on his own hands," Tekka explained with a smile, "Even if he's thirteen and the vehicle is a school bus."

"The need for speed makes you do crazy things." Inabi added wisely.

Naruto didn't say anything. He was busy gripping the armrests like they were his only life-line and panicking.

He seemed to be doing that _a lot_ nowadays.

But with Izuna driving like the mini van was a F1 vehicle and like they were trying to win the final race, all the while talking calmly with his relatives, Naruto felt like he had the right to panic.

Yet, he guessed risking his life had to be for something, and upon seeing the mall's parking lot be filled only seconds after they arrived, he guessed right.

That was when Naruto learned that driving with Izuna could be worth it if you were in too much of a hurry.

"So, welcome to the mall," Tekka said, "Ain't it pretty?"

"Yeah, very…" Naruto searched for the right adjective, shoving his hands into his pockets, "…Mall-ish."

Inabi took out a clipboard from nowhere, "Alright then-- we have to buy presents for… Whaddya know, everyone."

"Add Kakashi in Fishcake's case," Shisui suggested. A vein throbbed on the blonde's right temple.

"Hey! Ask people before you waste their money! It's only polite!" Shisui sighed and rolled his eyes, "Look, you wanna dull Kakashi's wrath on you for… Whatever you've done to him? Buy him something that's _really_ cool, and that you know he'll like, alright?"

"I haven't done anything to him!" Naruto protested. Tekka raised an eyebrow at him.

"Then why you're so scared of seeing him?"

"I'm not!" Naruto insisted with a cocky grin, "I have no reason to be scared, because what I could possibly do is being taken care of, believe it."

* * *

"Hinata, look!" Yamanaka Ino came out of the bathroom, sporting Sasuke's shirt and boxers, "They smell just like Sasuke-kun! I'm gonna take them and some others he never uses to his fan club's HQ… They'll want me as president again and I'll be able to kick that Ami bitch out."

"A-and this clothes s-s-smell like N-Naruto-kun," Hyuuga Hinata answered, sniffing the orange shirt she was wearing, "B-but I'll k-keep them to m-m-myself."

Both girls giggled cheerfully and dreamily.

Out of mere chance, Hinata glanced over at Mr. Ikku, and noticed how it was all dried up. She gasped.

"Oh no, I-I-Ino!" She exclaimed, her voice shaking, "We're i-in s-so much trouble if N-N-Naruto-kun sees this!"

"They're coming back in two days!" Ino remembered, her baby blue eyes widening comically. She then got back on her feet, and acquired a much more defiant position, with her hands on her hips, "Come on-- we gotta go to the flower shop and replace it!"

"I-in this?!" Hinata asked, scandalized.

* * *

"Still, even if you're safe, I would buy him something just in case," Shisui continued, "So go."

"We'll all meet here again around noon, alright? Alright." Izuna turned and started walking leisurely to one of the stores, "See ya!"

"He'll go alone?" Naruto asked, blinking. Tekka nodded.

"Izzie's a loner like that. But we'll go together, so brace yourself, Fishcake!" The grin he gave the blonde made him uneasy, "We're going on a shopping spree, Uchiha style!"

Naruto had decided long ago that the Uchiha cousins were trouble.

After all, they had woken him up, embarrassed him, mocked him, taken him to the hospital, embarrassed him some more, and nearly killed him, and all had been done in nearly two days after meeting them.

And they said that their cousins of the south that didn't join them for Christmas were worse than them. Naruto was having a hard time believing it.

But after the Shopping Spree Mission: Uchiha Style™, he decided he'd never _ever_ go anywhere _near_ a mall with any of them again in his life, if they didn't kill him by the end of the day like he had the feeling they would.

He figured he would've had to start worrying when Inabi turned on his camera, action that never meant anything good, but Naruto had been feeling oddly calm with the digital artefact staring at his face.

Shisui had suggested they bought Uruchi and Mikoto's presents first, and everyone had agreed. What was wrong with that? Nothing. Didn't the saying say '_ladies first_'? Yes, it did.

They had gone to this department store to buy everything, and upon reaching the house section, Inabi had immediately fallen over one of the beds and simply fallen asleep. Tekka stole the master remote control from the manager while Shisui distracted him with a false and long story of how his goldfish had been turned into a fishcake because of a massage chair, and suddenly all the TVs in the whole store were showing hardcore porn.

Gasps, screeches, and nosebleeds all around --because perverts were everywhere--, and suddenly the TVs changed to a gory film, but Tekka, who had climbed with help of a ladder to the top of an aisle where no one could reach him, soon became bored of it, and changed the channel to a documentary about grass.

The documentary turned out to be highly interesting, but that was beyond the point.

Tekka was trapped on top of the aisle like a cat which had climbed onto a tree and couldn't go down afterwards, and asked for Naruto's help. Naruto extended his arms and told him to fall slowly, and that he'd catch him, but instead of that, Tekka leaped from the aisle and fell over Naruto like in a WWE fight.

That was how there was a bump on Naruto's forehead, which had caused him to black out.

When the blonde woke up, he discovered that not only they were now on the men's clothing section and that his body had been transported on a wheeled bed from the house section, the cousins had managed to buy all the presents for the Uchiha women, including Naruto's share.

On the men's clothing they bought Yashiro's, Teyaki's, and Fugaku's presents without major incidents until they were on the line to pay, where a recently woken Inabi decided the counter seemed like a good bed and laid down on it. The cashier, a Goth adolescent girl who chewed gum loudly and looked like she had better things to do than to be there, counted him as an item, and when the price wouldn't appear, she called into the loudspeaker for the price of a '_cute asleep boy_'.

Shisui, feeling in the mood to joke around with her, told her that Inabi was priceless, which stole a giggle from her. They continued talking and they stood on the line for nearly an hour before she gave him her number and they could pay what they had bought.

Of course, the second they were out of the Goth girl's view, Shisui crumbled the paper where her number was written and threw it to the ground.

"I'm twenty-five," He said, "Although she's cute, I don't wanna get arrested by my uncle." He sighed, "_Again_."

The games section was the fun section, as a sarcastic Naruto decided later on. They were there to buy the presents for those Uchihas that would still find amusement on videogames, when suddenly the three cousins stopped dead on their tracks and Uchiha Death Glare™'d at some dudes on the other side of the store.

"Senju…" Tekka hissed, "…Our worst enemies."

The Senju people saw them, and decided to approach them. A verbal fight started, to which Naruto acted as audience, gasping at this or that and snickering whenever someone said something funny. Finally, one of the Senju people challenged the Uchiha people to a race across the store, to which the Uchiha people accepted.

And the race started. It wasn't a clean race-- both teams kept throwing things at each other to slow the other's pace, but Naruto didn't intervene, until someone was hurt.

"Fuck!" Shisui yelled, and an old lady near him gasped horrified at the use of dirty words, "My fucking neck!"

And Naruto decided he hated these Senju, and that, for the honour of the Uchiha, he had to win while Tekka and Inabi nursed their brother. So he ran. He ran as fast as he could, avoiding everything the Senju people threw at him, and won.

He was glad he had challenged his friend Rock Lee to so many races.

Two things came out of the race: the good one, was that he was proclaimed an official Uchiha for showing such loyalty, making him feel completely ecstatic and with the urge of swinging Sasuke around while saying "I told you so!"

The bad one, now the Senju wanted his head.

But he guessed he could deal with that.

Now the craziness had stopped momentarily. Shisui and he had gone to a fountain in centre of the mall, while Tekka and Inabi shopped for everything else and promised --with crossed fingers-- that they wouldn't cause any more disasters.

"How's your neck holdin' up, man?" Naruto asked the brunette sitting next to him, pressing the ice bag against the back of Shisui's neck. Shisui groaned.

"Like hell," He answered, "Makes me almost wished I hadn't crashed Tek's car that day."

"Just almost?"

"Just almost, that's right." Shisui gave the blonde a weak smirk, "There's no such thing as friendly envy."

Naruto chuckled, "I can't help but to agree with you on that one."

Silence fell over them again. And Naruto was fine with that for once with someone that wasn't Sasuke, until Shisui broke it again with a question.

"So, do you love Sasuke, Fishcake?"

There was something truly serious about the tone Shisui was using, and the blonde couldn't help but to be startled by it. He swallowed, "Yeah, I do. Very much. Why do you ask?"

"Just wonderin'." Shisui shrugged, though immediately regretted it and winced, "I guess I wasn't that convinced of your feelings for S'uke 'till last night. That look of adoration you were giving him…" He snickered, "The corniest thing I've ever seen. And you weren't even doing anything!"

Naruto blushed at the memory of last night, remembering the thoughts that had plagued his mind before he fell asleep. He swallowed again.

"…Shisui… You think… Sasuke loves me back…?" The blonde asked hesitantly. Shisui blinked at him.

"Why do you ask?" Naruto looked away from onyx eyes that were now boring into him with far too much curiosity.

"I don't know… Sasuke's such an enigma sometimes-- I can't tell what he's thinking half of the time while he knows exactly everything I do. So how can I know if he loves me as intensely as I love him?" He looked down with a depressed aura, "What if your teasing isn't really teasing and Sasuke's _really_ with me just for the sex?"

Shisui felt a pang of guilt and cringed. He didn't like hurting people's self-esteem, unless they were Senju. Then he couldn't care less.

He sighed, and looked into space for a moment, before smiling with nostalgia.

"I remember there was this guy at our school, when Sasuke was in… Second grade or something like that. He was a total player, scoring with all the chicks available." Shisui chuckled a little, "He was famous in our middle school, and since we went to middle school, Sasuke obviously heard about him."

Naruto frowned. What had this story to do with his problems and insecurities, damn it?

"One night I came to sleep over with 'Tachi, and normally we'd let S'uke hang out with us 'cause he was cute like that. We commented about this guy, and Sasuke asked us '_why does he date every girl in the world? Why can't he stick with one?_'. Itachi told him that it was because he didn't know which one to stick with. And Sasuke was all like, '_sure he does! He sticks with the one he truly loves_!'"

Naruto smiled fondly at Sasuke's seemingly precocious younger self.

"I told him that he didn't love any of them truly. And he then said that then he shouldn't date any of them, until he was sure he liked them for real, and if the like became love, he should stick with that one and only give himself completely to that person." Shisui turned to look at Naruto, "I know for a fact that he still followed the same philosophy, so if he's with you, if he's hugged and kissed you, if he's let you cuddle with him, if he's made love with you, then he loves you truly. You don't have to worry about that, because I'm sure he'll like to spend the rest of his life with you."

At these revelations, Naruto felt a hell of a lot safer and happier, but there was still one thing that bothered him.

"You think he'd marry me in case I asked him?" Shisui raised an eyebrow, slightly amused.

"It'd depend on _when_ you ask him." The blonde cocked his head to the side, "Whaddya mean with that?"

"Well, if you ask him now, he'll probably say no," Shisui sighed, "Sasuke's reasonable. He knows it isn't exactly ideal to get married when you two are on medical school, and so young and busy. You'd have to have lots of patience, wait until you're both settled with stable jobs and with money coming in steadily to ask him."

There went the happy mood. Naruto looked down again, "Oh…"

"But," Shisui grinned at the boy next to him, "He genuinely loves you, and you make him so happy… Rave' was always such a broody and bad-tempered kid, when you guys came I couldn't believe my eyes! So I guess that if he isn't an idiot, and he knows what's good's for him… He'll say yes."

Naruto suddenly felt the urge to hug Shisui for such wonderful predictions. He was about to do so, but Shisui stopped him, laughing.

"Easy there, Fishcake," The Uchiha gave him a smirk, "There's only so much blondeness my neck can take."

"Sorry." Naruto apologized, but couldn't wipe out the ecstatic grin from his face.

He guessed Shisui wasn't as thoughtless as Naruto had originally thought.

* * *

**A/N: **The ending was kind of rushed, but I think it turned out somewhat okay. Is Naruto really going to propose to Sasuke? What's the dirt Deidara has and is it gonna interfere with his plans? How far Fugaku is willing to go? All this and more, in MTU's next chapter! See ya!

--**Not Really Yours**


	10. Little Raven

**A/N: **I know everyone we'll be asking this by the end of this chapter, so I'll get it out of the way early: where's the second chapter you promised? Sorry, fellas, but while most of you are out on holiday, I have exams. See, it's summer time here. Yes, we have warm Christmas. No snow, just smouldering sun. Yeah. So my inspiration is being blocked by math. **Waitsiriusly411**, this is for you! Hope I don't disappoint you. And to all the other readers, you go search that penname and read. Since some people wanted to know what Sasuke was doing while Naruto was gone, here you go. Next chapter is also about this. Such fillers…

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Sasuke does, we all know that by now.

* * *

**Meet The Uchihas  
Chapter 10: Little Raven**

* * *

As he slowly woke up, the first two things Sasuke's still asleep mind was able to register was that it was a really cold morning, and that he was experiencing an odd and sudden desire to see Frank Iero.

The cure for the latter was kind of tough right now, but the cure for the former was right there besides him. The brunette attempted to cuddle and snuggle with Naruto's warm body… Only to find that the only thing available to cuddle and snuggle there with was Naruto's pillow.

Sasuke groaned.

"Naruuu…" He called out in a slurred voice. No answer. One onyx eye opened slowly, squinting as it checked out the surroundings.

The blonde idiot was definitely _gone_.

Sasuke groaned again, covered himself with the blankets completely, hugged the pillow, and just lay there, curled up in a ball with both eyes closed again. Fucking Naruto. Always wanting to cuddle, and the moment Sasuke was willingly offering himself to be cuddled, he was somewhere else.

Great. Just fucking great.

He barely heard the door being slid open, and his mother's voice whispering, "Sweetie? Are you awake?"

"As Frank Iero's hot." Sasuke answered absently. Both knew that was a lie--- not the part of Frank Iero being hot, but rather the part of Sasuke being awake.

"Good morning. Is there anything you want for breakfast?"

"Yeah…" The brunette yawned and stretched, eyes still closed, "…Naruto's milk."

Mikoto smiled fondly. That was her son, making indecent comments that were scandalizing enough to bewilder the most perverted of perverts when he wasn't even conscious to begin with.

"I'm afraid I can't get you that, sweetie." Sasuke pouted, obviously disappointed.

"Is coffee alright?" Mikoto asked. Sasuke grunted in approval, and half-heartedly rejoiced in the fact of this urge to spoil him rotten that he caused on both his mother and Naruto.

"Okay," Mikoto continued softly, entering the room and kneeling next to the mattress her son was laid on, "But I'll only give you some if you wake up."

Ah, what to do, what to do… Sasuke contemplated the option of staying and sleeping some more, finding it extremely appealing.

On the other hand, this was coffee they were talking about. It was just as appealing as the mental image of Naruto covered in melted chocolate. Sleep, however, managed to be more convincing. He'd just stay there, and---

"---Oh, come on, sweetie," Mikoto pressed on with a sugar-coated voice, "I'll even slice you up some tomatoes!"

…Screw sleep.

He opened his eyes and rose from the mattress with some help from his mother to untangle himself from the blankets, and both Uchihas walked into the hall with their direction settled to the stairs, passing Fugaku's studio in the process.

"---Not here. You never know, someone might be---"

"Who's he talking to?" Sasuke asked Mikoto in a low voice once they were out of Fugaku's hearing range. The woman shrugged.

"For a while I've been thinking that maybe he's having a gay affair. Probably it was his lover on the phone. Like your father said, you never know."

"I see," Sasuke nodded blankly, "You gonna divorce him?"

Mikoto giggled, "Nah. I don't have more proofs than my woman's intuition and my hyperactive housewife imagination. Besides, there was a reason why I ran away with him when I had such a perfect life before him. Now, if I only could remember that reason…"

"He's great in bed?" Sasuke suggested. Mikoto frowned, and placed a hand on his shoulder, "Your cousins are rubbing off on you. Not everything is about sex. Sure, it's an incredible bonus to the relationship, but if you don't have sex and you break off the relationship because of that, then maybe you didn't really love the one beside you. Love is about that--- the other's necessities and wishes before yours." She gave him a solemn look, "Keep that in mind, sweetie."

Sasuke smiled at her tiredly as reassurance, messily storing her words in the back of his mind.

"Now let's go," She smiled back at him, "I'm suddenly hungry for tomatoes as well!"

* * *

"Merry nearly Christmas, sleepy-head!" Obito beamed at his younger cousin, waving his coffee mug under Sasuke's nose with the hope of making him react, "My brothers kidnapped your blonde, did ya know?"

"They did?"

"Yeah! I'm starting to believe they have a crush on him." Obito winked at the boy and grinned playfully. Sasuke just nodded.

"Okay."

Obito scratched his cheek, and wondered if Sasuke would even remember the comment when he was in top shape and kill him for it out of jealousy.

God, he hoped not.

"Here you go, sweetie," Mikoto placed a mug full of hot liquid in front of Sasuke, "Good, ol' black coffee." She grinned, "Could you give me some ice cream, my dear nephew?"

Obito eyed her, "Sure," He opened the freezer and took the ice cream. He closed it again, "Kinda weird in this time of the year, ne, Auntie?"

"Yes, yes, it is," Mikoto sighed, "But I can't help it! I've had these cravings lately… Just like a pregnant woman!"

Sasuke took a slow sip from his coffee and stared at her, still sleepily, even though caffeine now coursed through his veins, "Does this mean I'm getting a baby brother?"

"No, sweetie," She answered, playing along with a sweet smile, "It means you're getting a baby sister."

"Okay."

Obito wondered if the brunette would remember _that_, minus the sarcasm. It would be fun.

* * *

Hot showers were good. Really good.

_But __it would've been better if it wasn't so lonely_… Sasuke thought, sighing as he wrapped a towel around his waist. He cursed Naruto for turning him into such a perverted and horny person, even if the transformation from slightly prude-ish and cold-hearted to wild and sex-crazed was only seen in the bedroom…

…And a bunch of public places.

Sasuke vaguely noted that in the Uchiha mansion, the only place they could do it and not die trying to have privacy was in the shower. And they had missed two chances already.

He prayed for the third to be the charm.

With a smaller towel, he dried up his hair a little, making the ebony sheen return from its water-tamed state to the rebellious spikes he was known and loved for, even though he personally hated them and had tried to flat them out for years.

Until he met a certain blonde, however. Moreover, until he overheard that certain blonde tell a classmate that he hadn't seen a cooler hairstyle than Sasuke's.

The brunette reminisced on the giddy butterflies that had taken over his stomach upon hearing that, and how hot his cheeks were, even though he had tried to fight back all those feelings.

Even now, all used to Naruto and his cheesy compliments, Sasuke would blush whenever the blonde said something nice about him.

He was a sucker for his comments. In fact, if his memory wasn't failing him, they had slept together for the first time because Naruto had said something about him that was really sweet…

…Yeah.

Stepping out of the bathroom, Sasuke encountered an unexpected sight: Itachi, leaning against the wall as if waiting for his younger brother to come out.

That was apparently the case, as if the small smile the eldest of the two gave him upon seeing him was any indication.

"Sasuke, let's _bond_."

To say Sasuke was surprised by the petition was an understatement. Itachi had never _ever_ asked him to bond. It had always been Sasuke who asked, and that had stopped when he was eight!

Onyx eyes narrowed. Something was very, very wrong.

"What do you want, Aniki?" Itachi feigned innocence, "Why, what would I want apart from spending some time with my foolish little brother that dates idiotic blondes?"

Sasuke growled, "Again taking it on the loser, are we?"

"You were always a smart kid," Itachi acknowledged, looking away from his brother and to the wall, "But I still don't get _why_ you got together with that guy."

"Look, Aniki, it's neither the time nor place to discuss this. Wait 'till I'm fully dressed, will ya?"

Itachi had done just that, following Sasuke to his room, and waiting outside the door. Sasuke had contemplated escaping through the window, but then gave it a second thought, realizing his bare feet would freeze.

Only then he was pissed off enough to curse his family's habits.

Things like this conversation were what kept him away from coming home. Itachi just loved him and wanted to protect him, Sasuke knew that, but this was starting to go a little overboard. This was Naruto they were talking about, the person he loved the most in the Universe, and Itachi was attacking him with a vengeance he hadn't seen before.

At least, it seemed his father had reacted better. He was obviously displeased with the situation, if the conversation during dinner the day before had meant anything, but Fugaku was somewhat respecting them.

Little did Sasuke know what Fugaku had in store for Naruto, of course.

"Okay," The brunette started with a sigh as he stepped out of his room, once dressed, and into the hall with Itachi, "Let's _bond_."

"What the fuck you see in that blonde?!" Itachi blurted out violently, startling Sasuke. Upon seeing the reaction caused on his brother, he lowered his tone and softened his expression, "He has _nothing_ in common with you."

"What do you know, Aniki? You barely know me! I was gone for six years, six fucking years, and lemme tell ya, they were the greatest six years of my life because of '_that blonde_', all the things we had in common, and all our differences!"

"Still, I don't see it! He's brash, loud, annoying…! Even though he's been trying to act like he isn't, I know he is. I know his kind!"

Sasuke scowled, "Oh, yeah? What's his kind?"

"The kind that'll dump you once they get what they want, Sasuke. That kind." Itachi took a deep breath, "They act all charming around you and then, suddenly, BANG! They're outta there and you have a broken heart."

The pained look that took over Itachi's eyes for a brief second lead Sasuke to a conclusion that his brother hadn't been exactly lonesome during his absence, no matter what he said.

"Aniki," He started, much calmer and soothing this time, "Naruto loves me. And I love him like I never loved anybody. He's not going anywhere."

"You've been dating for what? Two years, maximum. And I bet you feed him, make sure he has a bed to sleep in at night with _you_, and pay his rent."

"I feed him because I can cook, it's our bed, and we split the rent." A dry chuckle escaped the youngest pair of lips, "He doesn't even let me insinuate to pay for anything, even when he doesn't have any money in his pockets."

"He doesn't love you."

"He loves me and very much, if he's willing to go through the hell that dealing with you and your paranoia is just because you're _my_ family."

It was Itachi's turn to chuckle, "Y'know, while you were humping that kid over at Konoha, I was here having some fun of my own. I thought just like you, that he would never leave my side." His demeanour turned grim, "Yet he did."

Sasuke's eyes widened a fraction. No. Just because it had happened to Itachi, it didn't mean it would happen to him.

"Itachi, stop it."

Both turned to the direction the voice had come from, finding Obito standing there with a firm expression.

"Whatever happened between you and… Whatisname… Ah, Deidara, is in the past. Not every person is like that. Give it a rest, 'cause I personally see a lot of future in Rave's relationship."

"What do you know?" Itachi snapped at his older cousin, "You have never been in a relationship to begin with!"

Obito involuntarily flushed.

"Not only you have, but you _are_…" Sasuke realized. Obito, if possible, flushed even more, already feeling the lack of blood on the rest of his body.

"M-maybe… I-I, uh…"

"And it's Kakashi, isn't it?"

"You're dating a scarecrow?" Itachi asked disbelievingly with a devious smirk, "Your brothers are gonna love this one."

And that was how the previous fight was forgiven, yet not forgotten, like it happened with every quarrel in the Uchiha family.

Contained anger hadn't proved to be bad just yet.

* * *

He knocked on the front door once, twice.

No answer.

Deidara growled impatiently. Where were the Uchihas when you needed them?

It wasn't every day that you had the chance to see the love of your life, who, by the way, hated you. And the blonde wasn't going to waste his chance to do so, even if it was via his boss and unaware ex-father-in-law.

He had the slight feeling that if had Fugaku known of the relationship he held with Itachi, he'd have been looking for another job a long time ago.

Or maybe be six feet under. It was more likely.

But that was all in the past now, as Itachi wouldn't even consider the idea of forgiveness. And Deidara respected his choice. He knew that if he had been in the brunette's shoes, he wouldn't have forgiven himself either.

It didn't mean Deidara wasn't sad about it.

However, he couldn't dwell on that right now. He was going to see him, and he had to show him he had moved on, too.

_Just like Itachi moved on with that__ idiotic Sasori, yeah_…

On an attempt to distract himself, Deidara opened the file he held, a grinning face greeting him instantly.

_Uzumaki Naruto_… The blonde pondered on the name. It was strange, to say at least. Who would name a kid '_fishcake_'?

But he couldn't really criticize it. After all, _his_ name was the equivalent for Deidre.

Fugaku hadn't mentioned anything of why he wanted the file, however Deidara had the slight suspicion that it was for something personal. The secrecy this was being held with… Not even in the most confidential of cases did Fugaku use other phone line than wasn't his private one.

He loved that private line more than his life. It had been left clear when they had a hostage situation when a stupid captain suggested cutting it and Fugaku had reacted… Well, rather badly about it.

The blonde's thoughts were interrupted as the door opened, and closing the file swiftly, he looked up in hopes to see Itachi staring back at him, even if it meant that the door would be slammed in his face.

But who he met wasn't Itachi at all. He had a slight resemblance, though he looked a far lot more like Fugaku's wife, eh, Mikoto.

Short ebony hair, spiked up in the back and intelligent onyx eyes, contrasting against the creamy pale skin… This boy was a catch, definitely. But Deidara still preferred Itachi over anything.

"Can I help you?" The boy asked. Deidara nodded.

"I'm looking for Chief Fugaku, yeah." The boy raised an eyebrow at him, "What for?"

"Just tell 'im Deidara's here with the file, yeah." The blonde answered, trying to not give away much. Obviously, Fugaku didn't want his family to know what he was up to.

There was a flash of an unknown emotion on the boy's eyes. He cleared his throat, "Come on in."

Deidara did as told, taking off his snow boots once he was inside the warm home. He glanced up to the boy, who looked no older than twenty. A baby, really.

"So, what's your name, yeah?" The blonde asked cheerfully, as they started walking up the stairs. The brunette seemed somewhat reluctant to reply, but he did anyway, "Sasuke."

And Deidara froze on spot. He remembered every single conversation he had had with Itachi, and the subject that his foolish little brother was had been touched every night they spent together.

"Something wrong, Deidara?"

"N-no, yeah." Deidara nearly laughed out loud at the contradiction in his sentence, "Let's go."

In an uncomfortable silence, they reached Fugaku's studio, and Sasuke knocked lightly on the door.

"Yes?" Fugaku's voice came muffled because of the heavy door separating them from him. Sasuke answered, "Deidara's here, Father. He says he has the file."

There was a sound coming from the inside the studio and an exclamation that sounded an awful lot like someone falling and then cursing, but neither Sasuke nor Deidara gave it much thought, as the door slid open violently, and the blonde was pulled inside.

"Nice to meet you." Sasuke muttered to the door.

He was a smart kid, and had a good memory. Itachi hadn't been alone during the time Sasuke spent on Konoha receiving education, and Obito had mentioned a Deidara.

There couldn't be too much Deidaras in Oto. But then again, maybe Obito had confused his name.

And as if on cue, Obito appeared next to him, walking away from the stairs with a smile plastered on his face.

"Little Raven! My favourite cousin in the world!" Sasuke just gave the older Uchiha a flat look.

"What do you want, Bits?" Obito winced, "Geez! It's definitive--- I like you better when Naruto's here, you're in a better mood. But I still love you! Anyway, I was wondering…"

"Yes?"

"…Have you bought your presents yet? 'Cause I kinda haven't."

Sasuke blinked. Presents? Why was he going to buy any presents for anyone? It wasn't Christmas or---

---Wait a second. It was.

"Damn it! I forgot all about it!" He exclaimed, slapping his forehead, "What am I gonna do?!"

"See, that's why I'm here, because I think in everything!" Obito beamed at him, "Wanna know what I found? The stuff we used to use to make presents when we were little and money-less!"

"Money-less?" Sasuke repeated, feeling a tad bit better at the idea of this conversation being so similar to the ones he had with Naruto when the blonde had a so-called brilliant idea.

"Yeah, money-less!" Obito's grin didn't falter for a second, "Whaddya say if we make the presents like back in the day? It'll be fun!"

"Hn. I'm not a little child anymore, my Little Rabbit. What makes you think I could be amused by this shit?"

Obito gave him a look, as if saying '_it's obvious_'.

"You're datin' Naruto."

* * *

**A/N: **Next time will be all about Obito and Sasuke, and we'll get a better glimpse at their relationship and past. It's also dedicated to **waitsiriusly411**, and it's gonna be that way until Kakashi appears. 'Till then, bye, and thanks for being so patient with me. I really don't deserve it.

---**Not Really Yours**


	11. Old Attics, Old Friends

**A/N: **Hola! This chapter is dedicated to **waitsiriusly411**, and it's the last one of them! Let MTU go on and the plot thicken…

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Do you?

* * *

**Meet The Uchihas**

**Chapter 11: Old Attics, Old Friends**

* * *

"This is gold, Deidara," Fugaku said with a smirk, "Pure gold."

In all truth, the blonde hadn't seen what was so special in that file. It was like any file he had seen before, full of criminal records.

It was obvious his boss wanted the records for personal uses. It didn't bother Deidara--- why didn't Fugaku just tell him? It wasn't like the blonde was going to kiss and tell minus the kissing.

"I wasn't giving you anything less, yeah," Deidara spoke up, "It seemed like it was a really important case, yeah."

Fugaku glanced over to him, the smirk intact.

"You're not buying the case excuse, are you." It was more of a statement than a question, but Deidara nodded anyway.

Fugaku shrugged, "Ah, well. What you gonna do? I'm a bad liar, my Miki always said so."

"What is it, then?" Deidara blurted out, unable to contain his curiosity any longer.

There was a silence, in which the blonde could see as the Uchiha's face darkened considerably, tightening his grip on the file and glaring at space.

"Sasuke, my son, is in love."

Deidara blinked.

"So?"

"I don't want him to be in love…" Onyx eyes narrowed dangerously as he spoke slowly, "…Especially with someone who looks so much like _him_."

Okay, Deidara was only getting more confused. Who the hell was Fugaku talking about?

"Who is _him_, sir?" He cocked his head to the side and crossed his arms, "I'm lost there, yeah."

Fugaku just eyed him for a second or two, before looking away.

* * *

"So? Whaddya think?"

Obito spoke softly, nearly whispering, because he feared that he'd break the spell they were in if he said anything loud enough.

Sasuke just smiled imperceptibly, possibly for the same reason as his cousin.

There was something magical about the attic. They felt as if they were entering a different world the moment they started climbing the old, creaking stairs, a world in which they were still little kids with lots of time and lots of imagination.

The Uchiha mansion had been re-modelled thousands of times, and repaired zillions of times, but the attic remained untouched.

Everything their grandparents and their grandparents' grandparents had owned was there. From trunks filled with old clothing, to an old record player and a collection of records.

Itachi had never gone up. To him, the past had to remain where it was: in the past. He had never cared for the treasures that laid above his head, waiting to be discovered.

Shisui didn't like time. Neither past nor future attracted him--- only present was good enough, and the present he liked was immediate. Remembering was something he preferred avoiding, because to him there was no good in thinking of times that weren't coming back, and pondering was something he hated, because it only meant he was going to be let down.

Tekka preferred thinking of the future. Wondering how his kids would live, wondering how the world would be… That was what he liked to do. Past wasn't important.

Inabi had had his own little world since childhood. Being narcoleptic, he spent an awful lot of time in dream land. Now he was older, and the dazed look in his face was for being for too long in a place where there was no time at all, and now he was insensitive to it.

But Sasuke and Obito were a whole different story.

Neither could count how many times during Sundays, when the whole family was together, they had disappeared to the attic and let themselves travel to the past in their own time machine. Sometimes they would dress up and pretend they were gentlemen from other century, discussing events from then as if they happened now, drinking imaginary tea, and listening to each record.

Those were good days. But life went on.

Obito turned eighteen and went off to pursue his version of happiness, and an eleven year old Sasuke decided to see what was about the real world people seemed to love and despise at the same time that was so great.

The attic was forgotten. Until now.

"That craftsmanship set you and your cousins always used to make us the oldies crappy presents with much, much love?" Mikoto smiled, "Oh, sure, sweetie! I put it in the attic. Go get it!"

"Whoa," The youngest brunette finally dared to speak, "This place is exactly the same."

"Yeah," Obito agreed, breathless, "Exactly the same."

Another silence settled in, but this time both finally moved and looked round without speaking, digging into the long-abandoned trunks and closets that were so abundant in there.

All of the sudden, a familiar tune filled the room, and Obito couldn't help but to snicker as he turned to Sasuke, who had accidentally started the record player.

"The last song we played together." He whispered, and the other brunette nodded with a nostalgic smile, "I wonder if I still know the lyrics…" Obito mumbled, and Sasuke smirked at him cockily.

"Well, I know _I_ do," Obito raised the Uchiha eyebrow at him, "Oh, really?"

"Yeah, really--- you just watch." And in perfect timing, Sasuke started singing along with Elvis Presley.

"_The warden threw a party in the county jail._

_The prison band was there and they began to wail._

_The band was jumpin' and the joint began to swing._

_You should've heard those knocked out jailbirds sing_…"

"_Let's rock_," Obito took over for him, putting on his dark-tinted police sunglasses he always kept hidden on himself, and doing some air guitar.

"_Everybody, let's rock._

_Everybody on the whole cell block_

_Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock._"

Sasuke glared at him, "That's just the chorus!" Obito, in response, winked and smirked, mimicking how the King used to dance as he continued singing the second verse.

"_Spider Murphy played the tenor saxophone,_

_Little Joe was blowin' on the slide trombone._

_The drummer boy from Illinois went crash, boom, bang._

_The whole rhythm section was the Purple Gang_…"

"_Let's rock_," Sasuke joined in singing, and took over the air guitar, as he actually knew how to play it.

"_Everybody, let's rock._

_Everybody in the whole cell block_

_Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock._"

"_Number forty-seven said to number three_,

'_You're the cutest jailbird I ever did see._"

Obito mouthed the words '_Naruto and you!_' at Sasuke in the pause the younger made, and received a glare.

"_I sure would be delighted with your company_

_Come on and do the Jailhouse Rock with me'_."

"_Let's rock,_" They sang together.

"_Everybody, let's rock._

_Everybody in the whole cell block_

_Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock_."

And as the chorus ended, both cousins simultaneously started playing the air guitar again, trying their best to look like rock stars from those times, but failing miserably. Not that they cared. They just wanted a little fun.

Elvis began again, and Obito went with him.

"_The sad sack was a sittin' on a block of stone,_

_Way over in the corner, weepin' all alone._

_The warden said, 'Hey buddy, don't you be no square._

_If you can't find a partner use a wooden chair_'…"

"_Let's rock,_" They went again.

"_Everybody, let's rock._

_Everybody in the whole cell block_

_Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock._"

Sasuke took a deep breath, before going at it for a last time.

"_Shifty Henry said to Bugs, 'For Heaven's sake,_

_No one's lookin', now's our chance to make a break'._

_Bugsy turned to Shifty and he said, 'Nix, nix._

_I wanna stick around a while and get my kicks_'…"

"_Let's rock_," They sang.

"_Everybody, let's rock._

_Everybody in the whole cell block_

_Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock._

_Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock._

_Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock_…"

They sang with Elvis as his voice faded out completely with the music, and once the song was over, a comfortable silence settled between them.

That is, until Sasuke snorted. And until Obito snickered. And until they both broke into a fit of laughter.

It was a warm laugh, the kind of laugh that only came up when in remembrance of those adventures of youth one had shared with old friends you hadn't seen in a while and had run into by chance on the street.

It was alike, the situation they were in.

Weren't they old friends, after all, running into each other by an orange, ramen-loving chance, after a long time?

Another song started up, and both Uchihas looked at each other, and grinned.

"_A little less conversation,_

_A little more action, missy_…"

* * *

Needless to say, it had taken them quite the long while to finish the presents.

That quite long while was translated into the whole vinyl records' collection that was kept there, from oldies like Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley, to The Beatles and The Pretenders.

Both Obito and Sasuke knew each and every one of the songs--- they had been all memorized long ago, and when they had ran out of vinyl records to hear, they went running downstairs to retrieve their respective iPods, exploring what they had been up to in the music aspect, going through Sasuke's Avenged Sevenfold, Metallica, My Chemical Romance, Three Days Grace, Nirvana, and Green Day and through Obito's Red Hot Chili Peppers, Gym Class Heroes, Weezer, Blink 182, The Hives, and Forever The Sickest Kids systematically.

And they had laughed together again, when Sasuke insisted that Obito just _had_ to talk to Naruto, because they had the exact same tastes in music, except for the pop edge the blonde had to his music.

It was about then that Obito had checked his watch and panicked, because it was nearly three o'clock in the afternoon, and they had to hurry with the presents because it was already Christmas Eve, and many others things that Sasuke missed in the rant.

Now, Sasuke didn't stress easily. It had been an ability hard to learn, but after dealing with Naruto and Rock Lee during high school ---and his only ally could care less---, and dealing with the same two in college ---his only ally from high school cared a little bit more, but not enough, and the other allies weren't good allies at all--- and their newest and scandalous friends, he had managed to learn to be laid-back and peaceful in an almost hippie-like state.

"Chill out, dude," He told Obito, "We'll get it done in time!"

Of course, then _he_ had taken a look at the time, and panicked as well.

They had managed to calm down, after the initial hysteria became laughter ---the hysterical kind---, and got to work.

With clay they didn't know they had, they began building whatever they could, randomly labelling the amateur sculptures ---if one could call those formless masses sculptures without offending anyone---, and painting and decorating just as messily.

While the presents dried up, they ran downstairs again to find wrapping paper, but Mikoto promptly informed them there wasn't any left.

"Your father insisted on doing the wrapping himself this year, and made that blonde young man that said '_yeah_' a lot help him. Your brother and Madara came and took more, and Uruchi took the last of it!" She sighed sadly, "Sorry, sweetie, but I guess you and your cousin will have to run to the store to get more."

That wasn't appealing. At all.

But they went out, nevertheless, right after Sasuke caressed his mother's tummy and whispered sweet nothings to it, only registering his actions when Obito and he were already at the store, with the older brunette unable to stop snickering.

Yet, he remembered afterwards that Mikoto was pregnant with a little sister, and without questioning his vague and clouded trail of thought, carried on.

They found wrapping paper in no time, but the line was eternal. Luckily enough, they ran into an old classmate of Obito's, a girl named Rin, who happened to be the daughter of the store's owner.

Apparently, Obito had had a crush on this girl. Big time. But it was long gone, and now it was the other way around, so they got to the start of the line in seconds, much to the protests of the rest of the rushed clients.

With promises of calling the number hurriedly written in Obito's hand, they were back at the house, wrapping the presents and writing the names of each relative with special care, so it wouldn't seem like they hadn't tried too hard on them in plain sight.

And now they were done. They didn't have any place to stuff the presents under yet, since they were getting the tree done that night after dinner, so they left them in the attic, knowing they would be untouched there.

With nothing left to do, they went to the kitchen, acting as if they had been there the whole day.

"Sasuke, Obito!" Teyaki called out as he entered the kitchen, "Where have you been all day?"

"Here, old man," Obito answered in a relaxed tone, intertwining his fingers on the back of his head, "Just hangin' out."

"When are your sons giving me my blonde back?" Sasuke asked, narrowing his eyes at his uncle. Mikoto giggled.

"Jealous, sweetie?" Sasuke blushed, and didn't deny it.

"It feels like they're the ones in love with him." He said, sensing unconsciously that these words had been influenced somehow by someone in the same room as he was that very second, but identified that suspiciousness as paranoia.

"Well, Naruto is a charming young man," Teyaki said, shrugging. He then lowered his voice and grumbled, "If he wasn't a Konoha Foxes fan, he'd be _perfect_…"

"I'm glad y'all like him," The youngest brunette sighed, rubbing his temples, "Of course, you weren't my main concern. You _aren't_ my main concern."

"Tell us, Little Raven," Obito answered with a smile, "What's troublin' ya?"

Sasuke cleared his throat, and looked into space for a moment, before speaking up again, "What's troubling me is Naruto himself."

"Why's that, sweetie?" Mikoto tilted her head to the side, frowning, "Naruto seems to be getting along just fine with everyone, even your father! Although he's a bit reluctant to say so… I think he likes Naruto!"

Sasuke shook his head, "That's exactly my problem. His getting along."

"I'm not following you here, S'uke." Obito informed him blankly.

"Let's just say… That what Aniki said earlier in the hall, Obito, has been haunting me…" Sasuke cleared his throat again, "…_Prior_ to this visit."

Obito gaped at him.

"What was your brother saying in the hall?" Teyaki asked, frowning deeply as he crossed his arms tightly. He didn't like where this conversation seemed to be headed.

"He said that Naruto didn't truly love me." Sasuke just looked away, scraping the table's polish with his nail absently, and said it like it wasn't that much of a big deal.

But his family thought otherwise, and the three relatives with him all started talking at the same time, all against the idea, apparently, if the indignation was for what Sasuke thought it was.

"How can you _possibly_ be thinking that?!" Obito exclaimed, obviously frustrated, "Have you seen the way he looks at you, talks to you?! Have you seen him when he's just in the _same room_ than you?!"

"Now, Sasuke, you're smarter than that." Teyaki shook his head, "These doubts…"

"I know, okay? I fucking know it's completely idiotic to have that kind of doubts!" Sasuke bit back harshly. He then closed his eyes and sighed, continuing more softly, "I was long over 'em, believe me."

"And 'Tachi made you think 'bout it again." Obito muttered darkly.

Sasuke just nodded.

There was a thick, tense silence in the kitchen, and no one dared to be the one to break it. Then, Mikoto did.

"I don't see why you're worried about that, sweetie. Naruto is truly in love with you, anyone in a five hundred mile radius can see that." The brunette fought back a smile at that, "So, obviously, there must another motive you aren't telling us that makes you feel that way, but I, at least, won't press you about it." Mikoto smiled warmly and placed a hand on Sasuke's shoulder, "If you had finally gotten over it, then don't let what your brother says get to you--- He's hurt, that's all. You just have to give him time to accept the situation!"

"How much time?" Sasuke asked her, and she seemed to be about to answer, when the front door opened, and a bunch of steps made their way to the kitchen.

"We're heeereee!" Naruto called in a sing-song voice, entering the kitchen followed by Izuna, Shisui, Tekka, and Inabi. The blonde caught sight of Sasuke and immediately went to him, hugging him tightly and lifting him in the air.

"God, I missed you!" He exclaimed, inhaling his brunette's scent in the mop of ebony hair. Said brunette blushed a little and smiled faintly, "You just went to the mall, moron."

"I know, and it was awful! Thought I wouldn't make it back alive." Shisui rolled his eyes, "I was stuck with you all day, and thought _I_ wouldn't make it back alive! Remember me to never go anywhere near an arcade with Fishcake ever again."

"I feel the need to point out that you were the one who suggested hitting the arcade after the shopping," Inabi spoke up, "So you really don't have much right to complain if Fishcake here is better killin' zombies."

"I'm awesome, I know," Naruto said, loosening his grip on Sasuke just a little bit, "But no one, absolutely _no one_ could beat that kid. I mean, it was like he _was_ the game!"

"He wasn't. He was lucky, that's all." Izuna muttered grumpily, and Shisui smirked at him, "You just say that because he kicked your ass."

Izuna glared at Shisui a few seconds, before sighing.

"So, where's that brother of mine?"

"In a galaxy far away." Sasuke replied, trying to escape from Naruto, who wouldn't let him go, a playful grin plastered on his face, "I haven't seen Madara all day long. Nor Auntie Uruchi… Nor Uncle Yashiro… Where are these people?"

"They're in the house, if that makes you feel better." Tekka answered with a lazy smile. He stretched, "Man, I love this mansion--- Every time we come here, I have so much fun…"

"Thought y'all lived here together." Naruto commented, and there was a collective chuckle amongst the Uchihas.

"Nope! Uncle Fugaku and his family are the only ones who live _live_ here." Inabi explained, "We live nearly in the countryside, on the other side of Oto, so when it's an special event like Christmas, it's better if we come and crash here."

"Y'know, I was supposed to inherit the mansion," Teyaki started, and Shisui mouthed a '_Here we go again_', "But my father wasn't exactly fair, and had an obvious favouritism for Fugaku… So when Pops died, he got the legendary Uchiha mansion."

"Wow, that was actually the short version of the story!" Tekka exclaimed, sarcastically surprised, "Why don't you ever use that version when tellin' us over and over again?"

Teyaki frowned at his son, but whatever anger he felt was interrupted when the doorbell rang, and Obito looked up, onyx eyes wide, and Naruto could see why he was Little Rabbit.

The eldest cousin ran out of the kitchen, and one could hear the door open, Obito greeting someone enthusiastically, and someone stepping in.

"You think we have a surprise visit from our non-English speaking cousins?" Izuna wondered out loud.

"Nah. I'm sure it's that guy Bits invited… Eh… He was called…" Shisui scratched his chin, thoughtful, as the name was slipping away right now, but Sasuke paled as much as he could, being as pale as he was already.

He tried to warn the oblivious blonde, who hadn't realized just yet, "Loser, it's---"

"---Everybody, meet my… Friend! Yeah, friend." Obito announced, stepping aside to let the man behind him pass.

Naruto glanced at Sasuke, and then at the guy, not giving him much thought, before realization hit him and he stared again, like a deer caught on headlights.

"Hello," The man greeted, staring intensely at Naruto and Sasuke, "I'm Hatake Kakashi. Nice to meet you."

Was it Naruto, or that was the funeral march playing in the back?

* * *

**A/N: **Finally, Kakashi is in the house! This chapter wasn't so bad, was it? I mean, Kakashi's here! And what has Fugaku on Naruto? What makes Sasuke believe Naruto doesn't love him when he so obviously does? I'll try my best to update before the holidays, or during the holidays, but I can't really promise anything, since my inspiration has been _really_ moody lately. I'll try my best, though, like I said! So, hope you enjoyed and bye!

---**Not Really Yours**


	12. Family Portrait

**A/N: **The hints to what Naruto did are everywhere, even in the most humorous of parts--- you just gotta read closely! I finished my exams, and I'm officially a freshman in high school, fact that only contributes to make me feel older than I already feel. And I'm only fourteen! Here you go, the newest chapter of MTU, with lots of the awaited Hatake Kakashi.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Life sucks and then you die.

* * *

**Meet The Uchihas**

**Chapter 12: ****Family Portrait**

* * *

From time to time, Deidara couldn't help but to absolutely and utterly _hate_ his job.

He wouldn't have wished for any other type of job--- he loved the sound of sirens of his patrol, he loved carrying a gun around, he loved having handcuffs and non-sexual reasons to use them, he loved reading their rights to criminals, he loved communicating with fellow cops by radio, he loved taking a break to stereotypically eat donuts, he loved running as fast as he could to catch the bad guy on the run.

He loved his job. But he hated it.

The love/hate relationship he shared with said job was all due to one person: Uchiha Fugaku, Oto's police chief.

Fugaku had made him love his job because he was _Uchiha Fugaku_. The tough cop everyone wanted to be--- stories about him were many, and when Deidara had met him, back in the Police Academy, he had been sure every single one of them was true.

And Fugaku had made him hate his job because of the way he used Deidara. It was almost as if he didn't trust Deidara on the streets, so he kept him on the station, taking the phones, most of the time. He went out sometimes, too, but sometimes he went out because Fugaku needed him for something personal, like wrapping up Christmas presents.

And that was exactly what was keeping the blonde occupied right now.

And he hated his job.

"Are you done with your share, Deidara?" Fugaku asked him, just as Deidara tied the last colourful ribbon to the last present.

"Yes, chief, yeah." Fugaku smirked a little, "Great. We'll leave the presents in my studio until the tree is finished, and once it is, we'll take them there. Until then…" The Uchiha made a pause that allowed Deidara to adventure in.

"…We'll discuss Naruto, yeah?" Fugaku narrowed his eyes, and Deidara gulped, frozen in place.

"No. This is something I will do alone, so I no longer require your assistance."

Deidara felt disappointed and relieved at the same time. Disappointed because he had hoped to see Itachi once, thing he had failed to do, and relieved because he could finally go home.

"However, there is still something I need you to do." Fugaku continued with a strange glint in his eyes.

Deidara sighed, "You're lucky my family is in Iwa and that they hate me, sir, yeah."

* * *

As it turned out, Naruto wasn't hearing things after all.

The funeral march _was_ playing in the back, coming from the small TV on top of the fridge he had paid no mind to. Uruchi had rushed into the kitchen and turned it on in an undetermined moment during the silence that had been made after Kakashi's introduction, due to the Uchihas examining him and deciding if he was good enough, to Sasuke's fast forwarding on plotting some sort of escape, and to Naruto wondering what kind of flowers would look better in his funeral.

"Oh dear God! It has already started!" The old woman exclaimed, alarmed. She turned to Mikoto, who had an equal expression on her face, "We have to begin!"

"Yes, yes…" Mikoto mumbled, and cleared her throat before screeching, "EVERYBODY BUT SASUKE, SHISUI AND OBITO, **OUT**!"

"W-what?! Why do I gotta stay?!" Obito asked, bewildered and slightly upset. It was obvious he had been hoping to spend some time with Kakashi immediately.

"Because you three cook, and we need as much help as possible!" Uruchi glared at him in a way that made Naruto's blood run colder than it already was, "Now you will SHUT IT and GET TO WORK!"

Obito made a strange 'meep' sound, a little paler than usual, and muttered a "Yes, ma'am."

While everyone else scrambled out of the room and Obito cowered in fear with Shisui attempting to comfort his older brother, Sasuke looked at Naruto, and Naruto looked at Sasuke.

They stared. And stared. And stared.

And then, suddenly, both threw themselves at the other, and kissed with so much passion, both women that were glancing at them had to look away, feeling as they were interrupting something.

When they broke away, what it seemed an eternity after, Sasuke was cupping Naruto's face tenderly, while the blonde tangled his fingers into the brunette's hair, their foreheads pressed together.

"Remember, no matter what happens to me out there, I love you." Naruto told Sasuke, and the Uchiha nodded with a sad-looking smile, "I love you, too. If Kakashi kills you, I---" The blonde stopped the other with another kiss, caring and loving.

"He won't. Your love will keep me alive." Sasuke rubbed their noses together, "Don't be a hero. If he attacks, just run."

"I will. I promise." They kissed again briefly, and then again and again, until they engaged into a kiss that was as passionate as the first one, if not more.

Both separated reluctantly, their hands holding each other until they were too far away to keep it that way.

And just like that, the blonde was following the others to the living room, hoping he'd be able to face Kakashi without ending up begging for his life and crying like a little girl.

Sasuke stared after him, nervous and worried. His mother placed a hand on her shoulder, "Come on, sweetie. The sooner we start, the sooner you two will be together again." Sasuke hesitated a few seconds, before nodding and turning to the kitchen.

He was still so preoccupied about Naruto's fate, that he didn't notice the apron he got on was frilly and pink and read '_Housewife_' in a curvy and feminine handwriting with a heart at the end of it.

Trying to distract himself, he walked to Uruchi, who had her eyes glued to the TV, but somehow managed to be cutting vegetables at an unreal speed at the same time. Without looking, she handed him a bowl, "Here, you go make the cranberry sauce, Little Raven."

He took the bowl, and then looked up to the TV. Sasuke narrowed his eyes, "I've seen that opening before."

"Of course you have," Shisui told him, cleaning up some tomatoes by the sink, "It's _Purasangre_**(1)**."

"_Purasangre_?" Obito's head snapped up, onyx eyes wide, "For real? Damn! I haven't seen _Purasangre_ in years! I thought it wasn't running anymore."

"It's still is," Mikoto answered, "Eduardo just can't get his revenge on Paulina for killing María and separating him from Florencia. Her brothers keep getting on the way!"

"Who, Federico and Miguel?" Sasuke cocked his head to the side, "Didn't Federico die in that car crash with Susana?"

Uruchi shook her head, "But he had to go into extreme surgery and now he's paralytic."

"No way!"

"Yeah way! And Florencia is having trouble with her marriage!"

"Shisui, hand me one of those," Sasuke said, referring to the tomatoes, "We have lots of catching up to do."

* * *

Sasuke hated sports. At least, practicing them was something he hated. Naruto didn't mind--- in fact, he loved that fact, because it meant it would be easier for him to impress the brunette with his athletic-ness and had someone to scold then apologize then have make-up sex with when watching games together, whether it was live or on the TV.

However, this didn't mean he was out of shape. In high school, he had been the fastest runner after Rock Lee. He could lift things Naruto, Kiba and Rock Lee together couldn't, and they were the strongest guys around. And he had a special talent at wrestling because of years of practice that turned out to be, as the blonde saw now, his cousins and brother.

But Sasuke hated sports, and wouldn't practice his talents for anything in the world. It didn't matter--- Naruto was there to do it for him.

There was this guy, Orochimaru. He was old, as old as the blonde's grandparents, and they were _really_ old. He was a known paedophile ---he went for such younger people than him, he was considered a paedophile, although none of his victims were actually kids--- of Konoha, though nobody did anything about it because he was mostly harmless. The farthest he had ever gone was grabbing someone's butt on the subway, and honestly, who didn't get their butts grabbed on the subway?

Orochimaru had had a thing for Sasuke for a while now. Two years, exactly.

Their apartment wasn't very far from college, and even though Sasuke had a car and so did Naruto, neither used them to get there. They preferred walking to college, to help the environment and all.

Although they shared the major, they didn't share the same classes. For example, Naruto always got off earlier, and from college he'd always rush to his job as a chef at Ichiraku Ramen, as ramen was the only thing he could cook decently enough. Somehow, he always arrived with Sasuke to their home.

Sasuke only left college at that of sunset, and he'd walk by himself. By himself, if one didn't consider Orochimaru following closely behind.

A year had gone off with Orochimaru and neither had noticed a thing, until one night in which Naruto had gotten to their building a few minutes before Sasuke, and went inside with his friends Kiba, Sakura, and Rock Lee, who had come to help them clean up a little, as they were having a little gathering to celebrate the visit of Hyuuga Neji and his girlfriend Tenten, as they both went to a top-notch university at Suna.

Actually, it was the same top-notch university the Sabaku siblings, three troublemakers, had been kicked out from. But Naruto was distracting himself here.

Orochimaru decided that'd be the day he would finally do something to the Uchiha. Sasuke had never noted his presence, because he always listened to music so loud he didn't notice anything other than the voice of Kurt Cobain inside his head.

Luckily, Shikamaru was arriving to the apartment, too. And he saw Orochimaru.

Shikamaru had always liked Sasuke, and the other brunette had grown on him, though he'd never say it. Also, he knew Naruto would kill him if anything happened to Sasuke, so quickly he decided he'd save the other one from the creep following him.

He ran to him, took his hand, made him spin, and gave him a tango kiss, all the while Sasuke absolutely shocked.

Orochimaru effectively went away, and only he was out of his sight, did Shikamaru let go. And before Sasuke had time to kill him and then explain calmly how he was with Naruto, he told him all about Orochimaru and what he was probably doing.

Then they had told Naruto about it, and he had almost bolted out of the room to chase the paedophile and kill him gruesomely, but Sasuke effectively convinced him nothing had happened and nothing would happen.

A few weeks later, something happened.

Sasuke had left college a bit later than usual, so it was already dark. It was a new moon night, not that it made any difference, because it was a cloudy night, promising a storm.

When passing a dark alley, Orochimaru had grabbed him, kissed him, and attempted to rape him.

Sasuke was no weakling that would let the guy get away with it, so a strong kick on the crotch and ran away as fast as he could.

Naruto had made such a scandal about it, that he told his family, his friends, the cops, and the local news channel, resulting on more Uzumaki-styled scandals, worried calls and worried whispering, Sasuke going everywhere with his bodyguard Mitarashi Anko, and a extended documentary about paedophilia cases in Konoha.

Anko, the bodyguard assigned by the police, had mentioned her husband, Iruka, taught self-defence along with a friend of his. Sasuke had claimed he didn't need it ---"I got you two, why should I worry? Besides, I can take care of myself just fine."---, but after long hours trying to convince him, he had accepted to go.

Umino Iruka was terribly nice guy, with a bit of a mother hen complex. The friend, Hatake Kakashi, though, was the one who'd be teaching Sasuke, and Naruto, too, after he had promised the brunette to do learn self-defence with him.

And since then, Kakashi became a pretty prominent person in their lives, even when the Orochimaru thing eased up and Anko returned to be a field cop.

All Naruto could hope for was that Kakashi would consider all their good times together and look over the fact that he had abandoned Mr. Ikku and Pakkun. Which he hadn't, by the way. He had left them with Hinata. She was a caring girl. She could take care of a plant and a dog.

"So," Tekka began a bit awkwardly, taken aback slightly due to the tense silence that had settled in the living room "You're the scarecrow. We've heard a lot about you lately, haven't we?" He looked at Inabi, who nodded.

"Ah, great to know Obito talked about me." Kakashi commented, smiling. Not that they could tell--- he was wearing a scarf that covered half his face, "He's talked about you, too."

"Awesome."

Silence came back, stronger than before.

"Uh, should I consider you my son-in-law?" Teyaki asked, scratching his chin and with a troubled expression on his face.

"I suppose you should." Kakashi's eyes turned into upside down '_u_'s.

One could cut the strain with a knife. The only two who didn't seem to notice it were Kakashi himself and Izuna, whose gaze was lost in space.

The door slid open, and in came Madara.

"Izuna, you're here. Didn't notice." Izuna snapped out of it, gazed at his brother, and merely shrugged, "Maybe our twin telepathy is finally failing at our old age."

"What are you talkin' about?" Naruto gave them a look, impulsively talking, against his wishes to remain silent and be invisible to Kakashi, "You guys can't be older than thirty-five!"

"You're sweet." Madara answered blankly.

"Look, Uzumaki, I'm willing to get over the fact that you're a Konoha Foxes fan because you're one of a kind, really," Tekka said, "But really, there's no need to suck up to Madara and Izuna like that."

"Hey! I don't suck up to no one!" _Except Sasu_, "They look young!"

"Well, they aren't." Inabi replied, as-a-matter-of-factly.

Naruto snorted, "Please. How old can you really be?"

Madara raised an eyebrow, "Old enough to be Mikoto's older brother."

Silence.

"…Come again?"

"He's Sasuke's uncle, Naruto. It's really not that hard to follow--- like certain instructions I left you back in Konoha." Kakashi said, starting his attack. Naruto alternated his ocean blue eyes between him and Madara.

"What the fuck…?!" He breathed.

"See, Fishcake, imagine as if there were two Uchiha families, alright?" Inabi explained, "They are related, but like in twenty hundred degrees of separation. Now, Auntie Miki is from one family, and Uncle 'Gaku is from the other family. And they married! Got it? Now, let's say Auntie Miki's family preserve themselves with the passing of the years very well. Like, _very_ well."

Naruto nodded absently.

"But, like you pointed out, he looks too young to be an uncle and Izuna is too, so they're just Madara and Izuna!" Tekka finished. He eyed him oddly, "It's not that difficult to believe.

There wasn't much the blonde could say, really. His grandmother was almost seventy by now, but didn't look older than forty. And his father was young-looking, too--- made his mother look like a cougar and they were often confused as brothers, not father and son. It was a marvel.

"Something else that preserves very well is a plant." Kakashi added, not losing his cheerful tone.

"Kakashi-sensei," Naruto gulped, "I know you must hate us, but please don't hurt us! We didn't leave Mr. Ikku and Pakkun alone!"

The man doubted for a moment, "Who did you leave them with?"

"Hyuuga Hinata. You know her!" He grinned nervously, and scratched the back of his head, "She loves plants and animals! There's no reason to worry!"

Kakashi frowned, "She may love plants and animals, but she loves _you_ more. She's probably too busy smelling your shirts to notice my babies."

"Why everybody keeps saying that?!" Naruto asked to nobody in particular, peeved. He looked at Kakashi straight in the eye, literally, "Look, nothing like that will happen. I guarantee you, everything back home is just _fine_!"

* * *

"I-Ino?"

"Yes, Hinata?"

"D-don't you think h-he'll, you know, n-notice the d-d-difference?"

Yamanaka Ino contemplated the idea. She fixed her baby blue eyes on the replacement plant they had found for Mr. Ikku.

It was a little different, but nothing big. It would've been exactly the same, if it wasn't for the huge red flower Mr. Ikku Junior was sporting.

"Nah." She finally answered, confident. Hinata smiled, relieved, though she was a little doubtful about this. They had tried to cut the flower, but noticed that if they did, they would've ruined the whole plant. It was the last plant like Mr. Ikku in whole Konoha, and they had bought it from a shady-looking character that was willing to give it to them for the small price of a purple nail polish.**(2)**

Both girls admired Mr. Ikku Junior some more.

"I-Ino?"

"What now?"

"W-where's P-Pakkun?"

* * *

"Don't believe you." Kakashi stated.

Naruto nodded, "We could always solve this with a fist-fight. I already look like I've been in one, anyway."

"Sounds like an idea." Kakashi answered.

Before the fist-fight could begin, though, they were interrupted by the door sliding open again, and Yashiro stepping inside.

"Uzumaki," He said, ignoring everybody else, "I need to talk to you. Right now." He looked around, "Privately."

"Uh, sure," The blonde replied, scratching the back of his head. He turned to Kakashi with a not-at-all-intimidating glare, "We'll solve this later."

"Uncle Yashiro, do you have to talk to him right now?" Inabi asked, pouting, "They were gonna have a fist-fight! I already turned on the camera and everything!" He lifted it to show it around, and Naruto again wondered where the hell he had taken it from.

Yashiro grunted something nasty and shoved Naruto out of the room, "Follow me."

Wherever they were going, it was a long way there, and Naruto was getting impatient. He itched to know what Yashiro wanted to talk to him about, it seemed incredibly serious and important.

They finally reached a library. It was obvious no one had been inside in a long time--- the door was tough, everything was covered by a thick blanket of dust, and it was dead silent.

"Why are we here?" The blonde asked. Yashiro closed the door behind them, "We are here because nobody can hear us in this room."

The Uchiha cleared his throat, and began talking.

"My brother is plotting against you."

Naruto blinked, going over what Yashiro had said, "Fugaku-san? That is ridiculous! He isn't very fond of me, true, but he won't _plot_ against me--- that's Itachi's business!"

"Trust me on this one. Fugaku _is_ plotting against you. In fact, you shouldn't even worry about Itachi--- dog that barks won't bite, especially him. Deep down, he knows his brother is happy with you."

"But why would he---?"

"---Uchihas originally were from Konoha." Yashiro stated, like if that explained everything.

"So?" The blonde frowned, "You moved, big deal."

"Not all Uchihas moved. It's like there are two Uchiha families, one here and one in Konoha, and so many time has passed since we moved, as you put it, that the only relation left was sharing the surname." Inabi had said something like that, hadn't he?

"Fugaku-san and Mikoto-san are each one from one family, right?" He asked Yashiro, who nodded.

"Yes. Teyaki, Fugaku, and I lived here, while Mikoto lived in Konoha with her older brothers, Madara and Izuna. Their parents had died tragically, when only Madara and Izuna were old enough to remember, and that's why Madara created Tobi." Yashiro sighed, and sat on a sofa, making dust fly all over when he did so, "Anyway, only Fugaku and I went to college in Konoha, much like Sasuke now. Fugaku's heart really was in the police force, it was his dream--- but unlike Teyaki, he didn't want to disappoint our father, so he went with me."

Naruto smiled sadly. Sasuke was the same. His heart wasn't really into studying anything, the blonde could tell. It always seemed he would've preferred travelling around the world, having adventures of all kinds, but he just couldn't tell his father that. He had only told Naruto about it in half-asleep moments, when he was pleased and lazy during the afterglow.

"Madara, Izuna and Mikoto were orphans, yes, but incredibly rich. We were so, too, but not nearly as much as them. They took us in."

"I take Fugaku-san fell in love with her instantly?" Naruto tilted his head to the side, and Yashiro smiled melancholically.

"Yes, he did. And I didn't blame him for doing so, Mikoto was absolutely beautiful. She still is."

"But?"

"But she was taken."

There was a small silence in which Naruto sunk it all in, before Yashiro took a deep breath, and continued on with his story.

"His name was Namikaze Minato." Ocean blue eyes widened, "M-my father!"

Yashiro chuckled, "I figured he had to be. You two are identical, except for the whisker marks you have. That, you took from your mother."

Naruto gaped, "You knew her, too?"

"I probably know the parents of most of your friends. But let's move on."

The blonde nodded quickly, and sat Indian style on the floor in front of the sofa Yashiro had sat on.

"Minato was handsome, smart, and charismatic. He didn't have a penny on his pockets, too. Mikoto didn't mind that--- his love was enough." Yashiro frowned deeply, "Fugaku hated Minato with a vengeance for having everything he wanted. He had friends, he was following his dream, and most importantly, he had the woman of his dreams."

"What happened then?" Naruto asked, curious. Yashiro checked his memories rapidly, and finally sighed heavily, "Many things happened. The climax of it all was the sudden death of our father. Fugaku and Mikoto had been longing each other for a while now, but she didn't want to break up with Minato, since she still loved him very much. We then discovered Minato had been having an affair with a woman named Uzumaki Kushina, and that she was pregnant. Mikoto broke up with Minato and ran away to Oto with Fugaku. Your mother had a spontaneous abortion, but she and Minato remained together, this time, in public."

Naruto licked his lips, suddenly dry.

"But if everyone got what they wanted in the end, how come Fugaku-san still hates my father?"

"Fugaku never fully forgave Minato just for being who he was. Years later, Fugaku and Mikoto were married, had Itachi, and a newborn baby, Sasuke. Everything was nice." Yashiro's face darkened a bit, "Meanwhile, in Konoha, your mother had just given birth to you. She and Minato were having problems--- it finally culminated when he left her." He half-smiled at Naruto, "But that's a story you already know."

"Yeah," Naruto muttered, looking down to the floor, "I do."

"Minato," Yashiro started again after a silence, "Came to Oto after that. For Mikoto, claiming he still loved her. He probably was saying the truth, one's first love is forever remembered and cherished."

"Did Mikoto-san go?"

"Yes," Yashiro nodded, "She took their two sons, and went."

"Fugaku was completely heart-broken. He was an empty shell. And when he wasn't being that, he was paranoid, completely convinced that Mikoto had been cheating on him for a while, and that Sasuke wasn't even his son." Yashiro looked at Naruto, "Anyone can see he is. We did paternity tests, even. But it took a toll on their relationship--- neither Fugaku nor Sasuke could find it in him to really care for each other. Sure, they loved each other, but didn't care."

Naruto gulped, "Damn."

"Mikoto came back only a month later. I heard Minato went back to your mother, who had been taken care of by his parents, when you were fifteen."

Naruto nodded silently.

"As you can see, Fugaku hates Minato. When he sees you, he sees the reason why he was ever unhappy. Therefore, he wants you to be unhappy." Yashiro stood up, "Perhaps I'm making this seem worse than it really is, but I don't think Fugaku won't stop at anything to see you out of the family portrait. Like I said before, he loves Sasuke yet doesn't care if he'll hurt him in the process."

"Fugaku could destroy this family," Naruto realized, finally dropping the formalities for someone he was starting to dislike a lot, "Sasuke wouldn't want to see any of you ever again, Itachi would blame his father, and Mikoto will probably leave him for good."

Yashiro smirked, "You understand us easily."

"What I'm gonna do?" The blonde asked. Yashiro sighed, "I suggest you discover what he's planning exactly. That blonde guy roaming around the house maybe knows something." He turned away from Naruto, and opened the door. He stood there a few seconds, before speaking up again.

"I like you, Uzumaki. We all do, even Itachi, if just a little bit. It'd be very much appreciated if you tried to beat Fugaku."

* * *

**(1) **I watch that!

**(2) **Guess who that is! ;)

**A/N: **Fugaku's motives are revealed! What will Naruto do about it? My brother was rushing me constantly while I wrote this -_- I hope you all like it enough to not kill me! It's not that much of a cliff-hanger, anyway. Is it? And to all the ItaDei fans, don't you fret! It'll come! Give it time! This story is harder to write than it looks like, mostly because my brain is completely disorganized and if I write any idea down, I lose all inspiration for it. Weird, I know. Stay tuned for another chapter of MTU, hopefully before New Year! If not, happy New Year!

**---Not Really Yours**


	13. Teenage Drama Love

**A/N: **Hiya, guys! I don't really have anything to say, just that I hope you enjoy the chapter!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. It's my New Year resolution.

* * *

**Meet The Uchihas**

**Chapter 13: Teenage Drama Love**

* * *

"Hi, Mikoto-san." Naruto greeted the woman as he entered the kitchen, giving her a half-smile. He wasn't feeling very cheerful right now, "Can I steal Shisui from you?"

"Hi, Naruto," She seemed to notice he wasn't in his top shape, as her everlasting smile faltered a bit, "Sure you can, we don't need him _that_ badly." Mikoto doubted for a moment before placing a hand on his shoulder, "Are you alright?"

"Never been better," He muttered, not daring to look her in the eye, "I'll go get Shisui."

The Uchiha in question had his eyes glued to the TV, but somehow, he managed to stir whatever he was stirring at an even rhythm.

"_Me vas a escuchar, Camilo, y me vas a escuchar bien claro_!" The petite brunette woman dressed in sophisticated clothes that clashed significantly with her countryside surroundings inside the device yelled at the tall, arrogant-looking man in front of her, "_Si vuelves a entrar a la casa de Marco Viera o si vuelves a amenazar a Isidro, te las verás conmigo!_"

"That's the spirit, Florencia! You go, girl!" Shisui cheered. Next to him, Sasuke turned his head to Naruto.

"Hey." He said, and Naruto gave him a small smile, "Hey. Nice apron."

Sasuke looked down at it and blushed, "Shut the fuck up, moron. You came to rescue me or mock me?"

"Neither, asshole. I actually need Shisui." Shisui looked at him, surprised, when he heard his name, "Me? _Dude_! Margarita just discovered that Marco Viera is Eduardo Montenegro! Can't we talk later?!"

"Later could be too late," Naruto grabbed Shisui's arms, "And Sasuke can fill you in, can't he?" Sasuke nodded. He fixated his eyes on the TV again, "Now go away. If you ain't rescuing me, I hate you."

Shisui left the kitchen somewhat reluctantly, throwing his apron on the way out. Naruto took the chance to go to Sasuke and kiss him, "That sucks. 'Cause I kinda have the biggest of crushes on you, believe it." He said, and Sasuke couldn't help to laugh. He had heard that before. Naruto had said that on their first date, that had been, by far, the worse of all.

"What if I kinda have the biggest of crushes on you, too?" He asked, quoting himself. Naruto's eyes glinted, and his face broke into a foxy grin, "Then I'd say I'm sorry and let me ask you on a second date."

Sasuke nodded, "Pick me up at seven tomorrow."

"Alright."

"Great."

"Awesome."

They both laughed. Their teenager years had been fun.

"Fishcake!" Shisui exclaimed angrily, "I don't have all day!"

A vein throbbed on the blonde's right temple, "I'm coming, I'm coming! Jeez…" He gave Sasuke another kiss and left the kitchen with Shisui. He sighed sadly. In whatever good mood the brunette had left him was now gone, as he remembered why he needed to talk to Shisui in the first place.

The Uchiha must've sensed it was serious, as he followed Naruto to wherever he was being taken to in complete silence.

Naruto took him outside into his car. Once there, he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and Shisui glanced at him curiously.

"So… What did you want to talk about?"

"For some reason," The blonde started, looking anywhere but at Shisui, "I trust you. I don't know why the fuck I trust a guy who belongs with the guys that shove fireworks up their asses and go terrorize the city in panda suits on that MTV show, but I do. And I really hope you're actually trustworthy."

Shisui kind of smiled at him, "Don't worry. I trust you, too, for reasons I can't imagine. Even though you're a guy who belongs with the guys that have tons of teenage drama and expect us to believe that it _is_ a reality show on that MTV show."

Naruto couldn't laugh nor be angry at that. He cleared his throat, and then told the story Yashiro had told him exactly to Shisui, who unlike Naruto, didn't dare to interrupt, but his onyx eyes got wider and wider at each word that the blonde pronounced.

When Naruto was finished with it, there was a silence between them, as Shisui took it all in, his narrowing second by second dangerously.

"What can Fugaku use against you?" He finally asked, and Naruto blinked and then hesitated, "Well, I…"

"Naruto," Shisui said, "You know what Obito told me in the kitchen, when Sasuke couldn't hear us? He said that Sasuke had said that he wasn't sure of your love of him." Naruto wanted to protest at that, but Shisui wouldn't let him, "So anything you have ever done to him, Fugaku _will_ use against it you, believe me. Think!"

Naruto stared at him, desperate, before his eyes flickered across everything in the car, as if the answer was there, "T-There's nothing he can really use, I mean, Sasuke knows everything and I would never---" His words came to an abrupt halt, as he realized something.

"---The party." He whispered, and Shisui raised an eyebrow, "Elaborate that, will you?"

Naruto ran his hands through his hair, took a deep breath, and began narrating again.

"In middle school, I showed an exceptional natural talent for football. The captain on the high school team saw that, and when I went to high school, he asked me to join." A ghost of a smile took over his lips, "I was ecstatic about it. The football players were the most popular guys in school, and my whole life, all I ever wanted was that my name was known by _everyone_."

"You accepted." Shisui guessed, and Naruto nodded, "But it wasn't the paradise I thought it would be. Training was tough, I was on the bench most of the time, the other guys hated the idea of a freshman like me on the team, and nobody knew my name yet. As I was the newbie, I had to do stuff to impress them--- vandalize some stuff, moon some teachers, bully some kids… The usual."

There was a pause, and Naruto fixated his eyes on the steering wheel with a widening smile, "Then, in middle of the semester, this lonely pretty boy by the name of Uchiha Sasuke came to Konoha, with his black messenger bag with colourful buttons, his H.P. Lovecraft books, and his iPod."

Shisui smiled, too. That was a Sasuke he missed--- the sarcastic and dramatic teenager, huddled in a corner of the living room with a scowl on his face while he read something that was either depressing or horrifying, his feet absently dangling childishly under him.

"We hated each other at first." Naruto continued, "My blood boiled every time I saw him. We yelled insults at each other from across the hall, and we even got into real fights sometimes. The year was ending when we had the two worst fights we ever would have." His face darkened considerably.

"The first one was at the roof of the hospital my grandmother works in, that one was stopped by a voluntary nurse called Haruno Sakura. The second was at this field trip our school had for the weekend at a lake in Valley Of The End. Heard of it?" Shisui nodded, and Naruto continued, "No one stopped us then. I lost. Sasuke broke two of my ribs, dislocated my shoulder, and made the bones of my toes disconnect completely."**(1)**

Shisui winced, "That must've hurt."

Naruto chuckled, "You have no idea. But even though I lost, Sasuke was the most hurt one. I broke his leg, three ribs, gave him internal bleeding, a concussion, and this wound in the back of his head he still has the scar of." The blonde looked extremely regretful for what he had done to the brunette, and it showed on his face.

There was another pause, and then Naruto took another breath, "We apologized later, and for our sophomore year, we ignored each other. However, before winter break, there was a play. An adaptation of two Moliére plays, and we came up with _The Miser And The Bourgeois_.**(2)** Dared by my team-mates, I ended up getting the role of Jordan, the bourgeois. No girls auditioned, so Sasuke, who was our Drama teacher's golden boy, even though he didn't like the idea, was forced to play Marianne, the girl that the three main characters, me being one of them, were after."

Shisui laughed quietly, "Did Marianne end up with Jordan?"

"Nope. She ended up marrying the miser's son, while Jordan ended up with his money stolen by his science and his music teachers, and chased around by Marianne's grandmother."

The Uchiha laughed a little louder, "Amazing."

Naruto cleared his throat to get his attention, "The day of the play, there were some mishaps and to improvise, Jordan kissed Marianne passionately. I kissed Sasuke." He swallowed, "It wasn't in the script and there were tons of other ways I could've used to entertain the audience, but that was the only one that came to my mind. When it was all over, Sasuke gave me the Uchiha Death Glare™."

"I would've done that, too…" Shisui mumbled.

"Since it was my first Uchiha Death Glare™, I was terribly affected by it. Sasuke came to my house and apologized. He met my whole family in the process. And then…" He made a pause, with a giddy smile, "…He asked me out."

He continued, his smile fading eventually as he spoke, "We dated secretly for all of junior year, you know? I don't even consider that year as dating sometimes. I didn't want anyone to know I was dating another guy--- especially the football team. They couldn't stand those shower jokes, if they knew someone was at least bisexual, they'd beat that person to a bloody pulp, and stuff like that. Sasuke is bisexual, and back then he got his share of punches."

"You wanted your name to be famous." Shisui remembered. Naruto nodded, shamefully looking down, "That's why we kept it secret. Selfish and stupid, I know. It seemed important back in high school. Sasuke didn't really object to keeping it secret--- he kept things to himself all the time."

Shisui sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "He came to Oto every holiday break, every spring break, and every summer vacation, and he never mentioned you."

Naruto sighed as well, "His secretiveness and my inability to hear him out would be our downfall. I had a complete second life to keep my team-mates from suspicion. I even had a girlfriend!" The blonde shook his head, "In a way, Sasuke understood this, so he was okay with the other girl, though now, looking back, I can see it broke his heart."

He swallowed again, "I started caring more about my public image than about Sasuke. I even spent more time with her than with him. The two of us would always meet at this secluded cliff over Konoha--- I took out the girl and drove to that place." Naruto shook his head again, "It was when Sasuke broke up with me."

Shisui frowned, "Little Raven knows about this, so when comes the party you mentioned that Fugaku will probably use?"

"It's coming." Naruto told him, "At first I thought I didn't _need_ Sasuke at all, and that it had been a fling to experiment a little. The girl was attached to me, I didn't need his love. I had been perfectly fine before him, and I would be perfectly fine after him." He snorted, "What an idiot."

"I eventually came back to Sasuke, who was a mess. I told him it was all over with the girl and football. All I wanted was him. With his eyes red and puffy from crying, he looked at me, smiled the most beautiful of smiles, and threw himself into my awaiting arms without any kind of second thoughts."

"You broke up with her?" Shisui asked, and Naruto nodded, "We still weren't telling people about our relationship, even though by now, my family had figured it out. One day, we got caught making out under the bleachers by my now ex-girlfriend, who confronted me and said things that made me question whatever I had with Sasuke. I started dating different girls, without him knowing. God, I even had sex with them, then went and told Sasuke I wanted to wait for it a little more."

Naruto hid his face on his hands, and his voice came out a bit muffled when he spoke again, "Then came the party, when starting senior year."

He sighed and looked up into space, regretful, "The football team captain that had received me on my freshman year had graduated, and his right hand took his place. To celebrate it, there was a huge party at the head cheerleader's house. Drugs, sex, and rock 'n' roll was there literally. The new captain, the old captain, and I, now completely accepted into the clique, were having an orgy, because that's the only word for it, with some random girls when the police broke in. They arrested everyone."

Shisui looked at him, "Even you?"

"Even me. But no charges were pressed after I told the cops what I'm telling you. Help a fellow bro date another bro, they said something like that, and then I was free." Naruto finally permitted his ocean blue eyes meet Shisui's onyx ones, pleading for help, "But everything I told them was recorded. _Everything_. Fugaku could get that information easily."

The Uchiha didn't reveal any kind of emotion, "Did you ever do anything else, Naruto?"

He shook his head.

"Fine then," Shisui said, not looking at him, "I will help you. You love my cousin with all your heart. Unfortunately, Sasuke is obviously still hurting for what you did in the past and isn't sure of your love, and what you just told me could destroy what you two have built in such a long time in seconds. If my uncle is as revengeful as you and Uncle Yashiro think, then he'll use what he knows for sure, and if he knows this, which is very likely, he could even twist it to the point that Sasuke ends up thinking you are _still_ cheating on him."

Naruto paled.

Shisui turned to him and smiled, "We're here for you. I'll have to tell Tekka and Inabi, and probably Obito, Kakashi, and Itachi will have to be aware of it, too. You need to tell Auntie Miki what you know. And together, we'll all make sure Fugaku doesn't tell Sasuke anything before you two leave for Konoha again."

Naruto's eyes lit up with hope. This could work.

"But," Shisui face darkened so much it was scary, and he looked like a completely different person, "If this works, you'll have to set the record straight with Sasuke, and tell him everything. Otherwise this will blow up in your face like it's about to do if we don't do something 'bout it, and if my cousin is unhappy because of _you_," His eyes narrowed dangerously, "We will hunt you down and kill you, no matter how much we like you." His face then turned into a cheerful grin, "Got that, Fishcake?"

Naruto meekly nodded, scared out of his wits.

That was when Naruto learned that the Uchihas were valuable allies and terrible enemies.

* * *

**(1) **That actually happened to my brother.

**(2) **Thanks to a bunch of special guys for that idea :) Paul, Christopher, and Sebastian, I lovez you to death! 3

**A/N: **Yes, I know it's short. Don't kill me about it, something is something, isn't it? Hope you guys like it.

---**Not Really Yours**


	14. Psychic

**A/N: **I'm back with a new chapter! To anyone who's wondering, don't worry, the drama and angst won't last very long. It's not my thing. Actually, I'm not sure where the whole Mikoto-Minato and the Naruto being with a lot of girls came from, since they weren't in my original plans! But come on--- In a way, you like it! ;P

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. The horror.

* * *

**Meet The Uchihas**

**Chapter 14: Psychic**

* * *

"_No te preocupes, Camilo. Si algo llegara a pasar, aunque no lo creo, yo tomaré toda la responsabilidad de ello_." A woman with ridiculously long black hair and red lips said, talking to the same arrogant-looking man the sophisticated woman from before had been threatening.

"I'm back, what's up?" Shisui immediately asked his brother and his cousin, sitting on the stool between the other two brunettes without taking his eyes off the TV.

It was a good show.

Obito whistled, "Lots of stuff. Eduardo inherited all of Josemaría's fortune and wants to give it to Irene. Meanwhile, Camilo there is trying to seduce Lucía, who by the way, is Paulina's daughter who supposedly died twenty years ago. And the priest died!"

Shisui shook his head, "Can't believe I missed all that for Fishcake."

"What did he want to talk to you about?" Sasuke asked him, curious. Shisui kept his eyes on the screen, "Y'know, Fishcake stuff. He wanted my opinion for something."

"What would that something be?" Sasuke pressed on, but the other just shrugged, dismissing the subject. Sasuke sighed. He was obviously not getting any information from him. But it worried him--- the look on Naruto's face had been way too serious.

Ah, well. He'd flirt it out of Naruto later.

When Sasuke's attention was diverted by the soap again, Shisui leaned against Obito, and mumbled into his ear, "I need to talk to you."

"About what?" Obito whispered. Shisui gave him a look that practically screamed '_Not in front of Sasuke_!'

He nodded, and then made a strange pained expression.

"Maaa!" Obito whined, and Uruchi instantly turned to him, "What is it, my Little Rabbit? Is something wrong?"

Obito had the most pathetic expression he could muster, "I cut my finger!" He raised his finger to show the reality of this, as a bit of blood went down the finger from the cut like a drop of rain on a window.

Shisui couldn't believe him. He had actually cut himself to have an excuse to escape the kitchen. The Uchiha snickered mentally. Obito was the eldest, therefore, the wildest, it seemed.

"Oh, Dear God!" Uruchi exclaimed, and paled. She rushed to him from the other side of the kitchen and drove him to the sink, where she started cleaning the wound and scolding him for being so reckless. Then she started scolding Mikoto for giving her son a knife so large, and the woman just looked at her sister-in-law with surprise and confusion.

Shisui took advantage of the little scene to sneak out of the kitchen again. He heard Obito ask their mother to go rest somewhere--- the blood loss had left him weak. Uruchi immediately complied, and pushed him out of there.

Obito, his finger bandaged with a napkin soaked in blood, grinned at his little brother like there was no wrong in the world.

"Alright, Shisui," He started brightly, "Whatcha wanna talk 'bout?"

* * *

Uchiha Itachi.

Deidara had expected to meet him at a point--- the brunette lived there, after all. He was bound to appear roaming around his father's studio at some point.

Still, it was surprising. The blonde had lost all hope to see him.

But there he was, standing at the other end of the hall, with a bowl full of cereal, a spoon on his right hand, dressed in elegant pyjamas, his hair an adorable mess, and the same shocked expression on his face that Deidara had on his.

He nearly grinned ecstatically and jumped into Itachi's arms out of pure joy, until he remembered he wasn't allowed to anymore.

Meanwhile, Itachi couldn't really believe his eyes either. His sight was failing these days, maybe that was it.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, though, he knew Deidara was really there. He absently wondered the reason why, but all he was really thinking was how good the blonde was looking and how happy he was to see him.

The next thought that came up was something along the lines of '_Good grief, I can't believe this is the first time we see each other after the break-up and I'm just waking up_!'

It was late. Like, afternoon late. Itachi normally was up and running at six, but it hadn't been the case. Monopoly had been especially tiring for him.

Inside his studio, Fugaku rejoiced in the sound of silence that he was sure was the outcome of the encounter between Itachi and Deidara. If he was going to destroy a relationship that night, he might as well build up another one.

Deidara finally snapped out of it, mentally smacking himself. One of the two had to react soon, and apparently, Itachi wasn't going to be the one who'd break the ice.

"I-Itachi, yeah," The blonde managed to squeak out, an awkward grin gracing his lips, "Hi."

"Hello, Deidara." Itachi replied curtly.

Neither said anything else. It was getting nerve-wrecking for Deidara, and he was thinking of something to say.

Itachi beat him to it, though.

"Why are you here?" Gray-ish blue eyes blinked at him, "Well, yeah, your father made me come. He needed help wrapping up presents, yeah."

"And?"

Deidara cursed under his breath. He hated that Itachi always knew when he was hiding something, "He wanted me to give him a file, yeah. For a case."

"Oh. What case?"

"The Sound Five case," Deidara blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "You know the gang, yeah. Chief Fugaku is finally getting involved on catching them, yeah."

It was a lie. Fugaku didn't get involved in gang cases. He had created a special gang squad for something. Only when cases blew out of proportions did the Uchiha intervene in them, but he mostly left the job to his subordinates. They could do it, and if he solved everything for them, they wouldn't learn.

Itachi looked at him with surprise, "Really? Then something big must've happened!"

"Yeah!" Deidara nodded energetically, "They found a connection with Konoha!"

The blonde wished he had heard to what Hidan and Kakuzu said as they told him about the case. The two were in charge of it. If he had, he wouldn't have to make this stuff up. He could only hope Itachi wouldn't check with his father or at the station later.

"They did?" The Uchiha couldn't help but to be suspicious of what Deidara was telling him. He raised an eyebrow at the man in front of him, "Yeah, to some guy called…" Deidara quickly looked for the name of a Konoha criminal in his mind, before remembering a paedophilia documentary he had seen once, "…Orochimaru, yeah! Apparently, he's their boss, yeah, along with this other guy called… Yakushi Kabuto!"

"Yakushi Kabuto? Isn't he the guy from the Kikyo Pass Hospital scandal?"

"The very same, yeah!" Deidara had no idea who he was talking about.

Itachi was looking shocked. He cleared his throat and got his indifferent mask back on, "Well, that _is_ big enough for Father."

"Yeah." Deidara agreed.

Neither had anything else to add to the conversation, but at least it was no longer an uncomfortable silence the one they were in. Itachi cleared his throat, and looked at Deidara unsurely.

"Does Father know about… Us?" He finally asked in a mumble, afraid that Fugaku would be able to hear him. Deidara blushed a little.

"I think he knows I'm in love with you, yeah, but he doesn't know we dated once." Itachi nodded, relieved.

"Good to know."

Deidara chuckled nervously, "I should go, yeah. Chief Fugaku wants me to go help his wife cook, yeah. Isn't that crazy?"

Itachi smiled faintly, "It is. I won't retard you more--- go."

Deidara, inwardly absolutely ecstatic about the fact he had made Itachi smile, beamed back and turned to the stairs behind him. He was already half-way through them when the brunette called him out.

"Deidara!" He looked back at Itachi, expectant. He seemed shy about what he was going to ask.

"…Wanna stay for dinner?"

* * *

"Damn!" Was Obito's only reaction.

Tekka and Inabi hadn't said anything so far, just looking at each other with shock. Kakashi wasn't really revealing any kind of emotion, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

Naruto scratched the back of his head, nervous. Next to him, Shisui expected some sort of answer from everyone, and when no one said anything, he exclaimed, "Oh, come on, you people, _react_! It's not that hard to assimilate!"

Inabi was the first one to speak, "It's like, better than _Purasangre_, man! Of course it's hard to assimilate!"

Shisui sighed.

"I think just because of this live soap opera I'm willing to forgive the fact you left Mr. Ikku and Pakkun with Hyuuga Hinata." Kakashi said, "But consider yourself on probation, Naruto."

"Considering myself in probation means you're gonna help me out?" The blonde asked with a sad tone, though not on purpose. Kakashi's only visible eye ---the other one was hidden by his hair--- softened, and he wrapped an arm around Obito's shoulders, who blushed and smiled.

"We will!" The Uchiha chirped, "We like Sasuke and you together!"

Inabi nodded, "Count me in."

All eyes turned to Tekka. He blinked and growled, "Ah, what the hell, me too. But that doesn't mean," The Uchiha glared at Naruto viciously, "That I'm okay with what you did."

"I don't expect you to be," Naruto answered, looking down.

"Good. 'Cause I'm not."

"Okay."

"Alright."

"Didn't ask for anything else."

"Great."

"Awesome."

"Hey, when you guys are done with that, you come and help us plan stuff, okay?" Shisui told them, half-smiling. Both Tekka and Naruto felt the need to glare at him, "Geez, you two are sensitive."

"Won't we tell Itachi?" Obito wondered, tilting his head a little, "I mean, if this was happening to either of you, little bros, I'd like to know."

"Yeah, thought about it earlier, but it's too risky," Shisui replied, "We have the impression Itachi would help, but you never know with him. He could always tell Fugaku and then the whole thing is ruined."

"Or he could always tell Sasuke instead." Naruto added.

"And we don't want that!" Inabi exclaimed, with a slight smirk, "That's the whole point of this, isn't it?"

"It feels like a secret club," Tekka commented, "Like a special police squad, or something."

"Cool!" Obito exclaimed, "Thinking of this like that makes it a little lighter for my heart."

"It's better if things are light for us, we don't wanna go all gloomy if we fail on the slightest thing, right?" Shisui looked at Naruto, who nodded somewhat hesitantly. It was better to be optimistic and fun about this. Desperation could get the best of him and he wouldn't be able to think clearly.

"Let's call it Operation Winter Love!" Kakashi suggested, "It's abbreviated as OWL."

"Great idea, and we'll speak about the owl in front of other people!" Shisui grinned, "I already like your boyfriend, Obito!"

* * *

"You must be Mikoto-san, yeah. I'm Deidara." Mikoto smiled at the blonde in front of her, "Hello, Deidara."

"Chief Fugaku wants me to help you in the kitchen, yeah," He told her somewhat shyly, "And Itachi invited me to dinner, yeah. I hope that's okay."

"It is, don't worry!" She beamed, "Take an apron and help Sasuke, will you? Uruchi and I have the rest covered."

Deidara nodded, took an apron, and walked over to the brunette in question, who was expertly cutting some tomato slices without looking, and then eating them.

He obviously had done it before.

"Hey again, yeah," Deidara greeted Sasuke, who turned his head to him briefly and then back to the tomatoes and the TV, "Sasuke, right?"

"Uh-huh." Sasuke nodded, "And you're Deidara."

"Yep, yeah."

Deidara felt with the silence that followed as if he was back in that hall with Itachi, so tense he felt when talking to the youngest Uchiha. It seemed it was one-sided, though--- Sasuke looked more interested in what was happening on whatever soap opera he was watching than on Deidara and the silence.

"What are we watching?" The blonde asked.

"_Purasangre_." Sasuke didn't even have to look to know there was confusion all over Deidara's face, "That means thoroughbred. Didn't they teach you Spanish at school?"

"They tried, yeah." Deidara answered, "And my ex tried to teach me a little bit when we were dating so I could communicate with his relatives from the South, but no such luck. We broke up even before I had the chance to meet 'em."

"Your ex is Itachi, ain't he?"

Deidara swallowed. He had expected more anger from Sasuke if they had to address the matter, but he seemed so… _Mellow_ about it.

"Yeah. He is."

"Why did the two of you break up?" Sasuke asked after a few seconds, turning to Deidara with curious onyx eyes, "Looks like it was messy, for what I've heard."

"You could say that, yeah," Deidara chuckled, "I cheated on him and he cheated on me back, yeah. And we used the same guy."

Sasuke allowed himself to smirk, "Sorry 'bout that. I know cheating is especially painful."

"Ah, you're so young, how could you, yeah?"

Sasuke's smirk faltered a bit, turning a little sad, "Let's just say… I know the feeling first-hand, Dei."

Deidara didn't manage to register the nickname, blinking as he tried to figure out the meaning of the Uchiha's words. He then snorted. It seemed Fugaku was now dirt-less, if Sasuke knew!

"Oh, yeah!" He turned more serious, "But I guess you got it worse, I mean… It's all in the file, yeah, and I read it!"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, "What are you talking about?"

"You know, the cheating, yeah!" Deidara answered blankly. Before the brunette could ask anything else, _Tick Tick Boom_ resonated through the kitchen, and Deidara took out a small black cell phone from his pocket. He scanned the screen briefly, and then answered.

"What's up, Hidan?"

"_**I need to tell any motherfucker about this shit. You'll never fucking guess what we found on the fucking Sound Five case!**_" Hidan's voice came from the other side, and Deidara absently wondered how such a religious man could swear so much.

"Spit it out, yeah."

"_**We found a connection to Konoha. A fucking connection!**_" Deidara sat up straight. Now he was listening, "W-what?!"

"_**These motherfuckers are being run by this fucking paedophile at Konoha, fucking Orochimaru. And the motherfucker is being assisted by this other motherfucker, Yakushi Kabuto. You know, the one from the fucking Kikyo Pass Hospital scandal.**_"

Deidara paled, "Yeah?"

"_**Fuck yeah! Listen, man, I gotta go. Kakuzu says he found some new shit. Fucking imagine that, the motherfucker finding something that ain't fucking money!**_" Hidan laughed at his own joke. Deidara laughed too in a fake manner, but the other man didn't seem to notice, "Alright, bye, yeah. Good luck."

The conversation was cut, and Deidara put away his cell phone absently. Sasuke looked at him, "Something wrong?" The blonde looked at the TV, where two elegant men were arguing heatedly about something.

"A girl is gonna enter with a priest and tell the brunette man that someone tried to kill them both, yeah." He sentenced. In cue, a girl stormed into the room dramatically, a priest behind her.

"_Perdón por interrumpirlos así, Don Marco, pero trataron de matarnos anoche!_"

Sasuke looked at Deidara oddly, "She did."

"Whoa!" The blonde exclaimed, giddy, "I'm psychic, yeah!"

* * *

**A/N: **So Deidara runs his mouth! Is it enough to make Sasuke suspicious? And there's some ItaDei, finally! And will OWL be able to complete their mission? All this and more in next MTU's chapter! Anyway, now done with that, I'm off all February to the beach, in an Internet-less and computer-less home. Maybe I'll update one more chapter before I leave, but if not, don't expect any until March. Yeah, sorry. Please don't kill me.

**---Not Really Yours**


	15. Now Press Repeat

**A/N: **Lots of things happened to me while writing this. But the main one would be me uninstalling Microsoft Office by accident. I couldn't write! At all! So everybody, I want you to give my incredible uncle who's nice enough to give me an even better version of Office a hug, because without him, there would be no more MTU.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Insert witty comment here.

* * *

**Meet The Uchihas**

**Chapter 15: Now Press Repeat**

* * *

"Agent Extreme here," Obito mumbled into the pink walkie-talkie with heart and sparkle motives he was holding, "The eagle's on the nest, I repeat, the eagle's on the nest. Over."

There were a few seconds of silence before the walkie-talkie spoke in Naruto's voice, "_I'm sorry, what_?"

The Uchiha huffed, "I mean that Auntie Miki is alone. You can go talk to her now. And don't forget to say over, over."

"_Right. If that's the case, I'm going in_."

There was a moment of expectant silence.

"…_Over_." Naruto finally said.

"_Agent Knucklehead, I suggest you turn off your walkie-talkie to talk with the eagle in her nest. She's a cunning one, she might figure it all out. Over_." Shisui's voice spoke up, and Obito could practically see Naruto jumping up from behind whatever bush he was hiding, a vein throbbing on his right temple.

"_Agent Knucklehead_?!" The blonde exclaimed angrily, "_Who came up with these names_?!"

No one spoke.

"_Over_." Inabi finally said for Naruto, as it seemed he wasn't figuring out why nobody answered him by himself, "_And Shisui, Tekka, and I came up with names, Agent Knucklehead_. _Consider yourself lucky--- I'm Agent Magic Unicorn_. _Over_."

"_Hey, wait, I thought I was Magic Unicorn, and you were Rainbow! What the fuck, man? Over_!" Tekka protested, and Inabi sighed heavily.

"_No, I'm Magic Unicorn and you're Rainbow. Over_."

"_I think you're mistaken, Nabs. I am Magic Unicorn. Over._"

"_Uh, no. I am, Tek. Get over it. Over._"

"_I am! Over!_"

"_I'm telling you, bro, I am Magic Unicorn! Over_."

"_Well, I'm pretty sure I am. Over._"

"_Oh, yeah? Over_."

"_Uh-huh! And I'm also pretty sure Agent Awesome will agree with me. Right, Shisui? Over_."

"_I can't really remember._" Shisui deadpanned. There were a few seconds of silence before he spoke again, "_How about you two are Agent Cry-baby for Tek and Nabs is Agent Medical Condition Excuse? Over._"

It seemed both brothers were considering it.

"_Alright, over._" Inabi agreed first.

"_Why the fuck not? Over._" Tekka followed behind.

"_I can't believe I actually stayed put just to hear you guys argue about that shit._" Naruto said with an exasperated tone, "_Over and out, bitches._" There was a clicking sound, indicating Naruto had turned off his walkie-talkie. From the tree he was sitting on ---and freezing his ass off, mind you---, Obito saw Naruto walking over to Mikoto, who greeted him with a smile.

"He's really gonna do it, 'Kashi!" Obito whispered to the man next to him. Kakashi looked up from his Icha Icha Paradise book only for a few seconds, before looking down again.

The Uchiha didn't miss the worried glint shining in his eyes.

* * *

"I know about my father and you."

It was simple. Just a few words together, and easy words at that. It was just a sentence, one lonely sentence thrown into the air so it would be joined by other sentences that commented on the original. Nothing out of this world, really.

Yet, Mikoto couldn't bring herself to answer anything, to make the process that talking was continue.

She was speechless.

Naruto was staring at her, expectant and tense. She liked his eyes. They reminded her of the ocean.

Minato's eyes had been the same, but Mikoto guessed that the both of them only looked alike physically. She hadn't known Kushina for long, but it had been enough for the red-head's personality to stay with her until now. And Naruto was just like her on that.

"…And I know you cheated on Fugaku later on." Naruto added.

Now, that was a problem. Maybe Naruto wasn't just like his father or his mother. He had traits of his own, Mikoto mused. Kushina wouldn't have figured it out ---she hadn't figured out Minato and Mikoto had been dating, why would she figure this out?---, and Minato probably wouldn't have told her about it.

"I'm human." She finally answered, looking away from the blonde's eyes, "I make mistakes."

"Mikoto-san, I won't judge you. I'm the most inappropriate guy to do so, believe it." Naruto dedicated her a half-smile, "The reason why I'm telling you this is because… Your husband… Doesn't let go."

She gave her an inquiring look, and he took a deep breath.

He told her everything. With luxury of detail on every romantic part, because he knew she'd like that, and trying to make it less ugly on every bad part, because he knew what kind of conclusion she would reach in the end--- that it was _her_ fault.

He told her of Yashiro's suspicions, of his suspicions, and everything, and when he was done, she just gave him a blank stare.

"That is," She licked her lips, searching for the right words, "Quite expected, actually. I think I was waiting unconsciously for Fugaku to punish someone for what I did."

"I wanna tell Sasuke," Naruto said, "I'm gonna tell Sasuke. But I want to give him my version, not his father's twisted own. I need your help with that."

Mikoto nodded, already regaining her smile.

"True love always prevails at the end, Naruto. Fugaku won't tell Sasuke a thing, you have my word on that." She placed her hands on her hips, "Now call everybody--- dinner's ready."

Naruto felt himself grinning at her foxily, "Yes, Mikoto-san."

"Please, Naruto. It's just Mikoto."

* * *

Was it him, or there was tension in the air?

No one had uttered a word since Mikoto had asked for a round of applause for the cooks. It was scary. From time to time, a nephew would seemingly glare at Fugaku, but he didn't notice at all, busy looking smug. It was scarier.

The worst part was that no one looked like the silence bothered them. Not even the Naruto guy was nervous, and he looked like talking was one of his basic needs, along with breathing and eating.

The guy with crazy silver hair ---Kakashi, was it?--- seemed a bit surprised by the lack of talking in the table, but he paid no mind to it.

So, basically, Deidara was alone in this.

The blonde mentally pouted. Apparently, he'd had to be the hero to save them from the thick silence.

"So," He started, looking alternatively between Naruto and Kakashi, "You two are from Konoha, yeah?"

Everyone stopped eating.

"Uh, yeah, we are," Naruto gave him a smile, "We are actually friends back there."

"You know what they say, Dei, everyone knows everyone in Konoha." Sasuke commented. Itachi looked at his brother with surprise, "Dei?"

"Yeah, Dei. It's a nickname, Aniki. Don't tell you never thought of calling him that."

"I actually didn't," Itachi admitted, "Even during sex I called him Deidara."

"Oh, no, no!" Naruto exclaimed, "We're not going down that road again!"

"What road, Fishcake?" Shisui asked him, frowning. Naruto gave him a disbelieving look, "The sex road! Gay sex road, moreover! We did that yesterday's dinner, remember? And all because I said steak was delicious!" Shisui thought for a few seconds before grinning wildly.

"Oh, yeah! Now I remember! Auntie Miki said scandalous things!"

"I don't understand what could be so scandalous about it," Mikoto shook her head, "After all, it's exactly what they do, don't they? Why sugar-coat it?"

"We sugar-coat it so I can eat without gagging," Uruchi replied, "It makes me think of going to the bathroom to do, you know… Number two." There were collective groans of disgust.

"Good Lord! That's it, Kakashi, we're never having sex again!" Obito exclaimed, and Madara smiled at him.

"So you confirm it? You _are_ dating Kakashi?" Obito nodded meekly, "And we aren't going farther than that ever again!"

"See what you did, Ma," Inabi scolded his mother, "You destroyed a relationship."

"I'mma save your relationship here, Bits," Sasuke told his older cousin, "Think about the pleasure, and nothing else than the pleasure."

"…And what about the love?" Obito wondered.

"Right. Think about it, too." Sasuke added. Naruto feigned hurt, "Oh, you bastard! You _do_ use me just for sex!"

"Idiot, you know I love you."

"Don't go all lovey-dovey on us, you two," Itachi warned, "I'm still against the relationship."

Sasuke frowned at him, "That kind of things is what you'll teach our baby sister? To be against our relationship?"

"B-BABY SISTER?!" Fugaku yelled in a mixture of surprise and shock. He snapped his head at Mikoto, staring at her face, then at her tummy. The woman just smiled warmly.

Fugaku decided it was a good time to faint.

Deidara instinctively jumped out of his chair to help his boss out, but Teyaki stopped him, "No, no, don't worry. He does that with every pregnancy."

"I'm not pregnant, you know?" Mikoto commented, amused. Sasuke eyes widened, "You had an abortion?"

She nodded gravely, "A spontaneous one."

Sasuke's onyx eyes softened considerably as he stood up and went to hug her, "Aw, mom, I'm so sorry!"

"There, there, sweetie."

"You just had to speak, didn't ya?" Naruto scolded Deidara.

* * *

Once everyone was done with dinner and Fugaku had recovered, they all went to the living room, ready to set up the tree.

It was a tall and realistic-looking plastic tree that even though it looked like it was easy to assemble, it really wasn't. At all.

It took Naruto, Madara, Teyaki, Kakashi, Itachi, Izuna, a fight between the two twins, the tree falling apart the first time it was done, a milk and cookies break, a discussion about feng shui, a snowball fight outside, and trying to sing carols and failing miserably to finally get the tree up, and it was really fragile.

So technically, setting the thing up had been the easy part.

They let the more graceful ones do the decorating, meaning Sasuke, Inabi, and Mikoto put the adornments on the tree while everyone else tried to discover a way to disentangle the lights.

When they were nearly done and all that was missing was the star on top, Inabi suddenly fell asleep and crushed the tree under his weight.

No one tried to stop Shisui when he started beating the hell out of his younger brother.

When the tree was up ---again--- and the adornments were on ---again---, everyone decided they would chill in the living room until sleep was too much for them to take.

And that was where they were right now.

Sasuke would have liked to stay there. With Naruto's arm slung around his shoulder and pressing him against the blonde, the brunette's head resting on the other's chest, playing with Naruto's free arm's fingers, as they chatted animatedly with his relatives about everything and nothing all at once…

…Oh, he'd stay there forever. He'd stay wherever Naruto was forever.

But curiosity was getting the best of him.

What had been Deidara talking about? Obviously, the other blonde knew something about Naruto that Sasuke didn't, even though he probably thought he did. And the word 'cheating' was involved.

"Hey," He turned his head in a way that his lips were pressed against Naruto's neck, "I'm tired."

"Want me to join you in bed?" Naruto wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Sasuke snickered against the warm skin, "Nah. You stay here. They love your conversation, unlike me, you chat-box."

"Asshole," Naruto told him, "You love my conversation, too. You stay with me for hours just listening to me talk."

"Too true." Sasuke admitted, standing up, "I'm off to bed, everybody."

"Are you?" Fugaku asked him, "I need to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Bah, I'm sure whatever Uncle 'Gaku has to tell you can wait until the morning!" Obito stated, "Right, Uncle 'Gaku?"

The man shook his head, "It really can't. Let's go now to my studio, there's something there I need to show you and---"

"---Fugaku," Mikoto interrupted her husband with a disturbing smile, "You'll wait until the morning."

Though he would never ever admit it, Uchiha Fugaku was afraid of his wife.

"Tomorrow. Of course." Sasuke shrugged, "Fine, tomorrow we'll talk. Goodnight."

A chorus of '_goodnights_' accompanied him until he slid the door of the living room closed and he was on the other side.

Shisui sighed, "Close call."

"What was that about?" Fugaku demanded, scowling deeply. Teyaki frowned with him, "A father has the right to speak with his son whenever he needs to. What you just did was a total disrespect."

"I don't give a fuck if it was a total disrespect," Inabi exploded, "It's only fair, considering how you're disrespecting Sasuke!"

"Disrespecting Sasuke?!" Fugaku practically yelled, "How am I doing that?!"

"Oh, stop acting like you don't know, Fugaku," Yashiro spoke up for the first time, "The gig is up."

Both brothers shared an intense glare.

"What are you talking about?" Uruchi asked, bewildered, "What's happening?"

She was promptly ignored, as Naruto stood up and cleared his throat.

"You are disrespecting Sasuke by trying to get rid of me." He said.

Fugaku was livid.

"Everybody, out." He ordered, and everybody left the two of them alone.

* * *

Sasuke slid the door of his father's studio open, trying his best not to make any kind of sound.

The conversation downstairs had done it. Trying to keep Fugaku from talking to him had been too suspicious, and even though he couldn't understand anything of what they were screaming downstairs, it was obviously pretty heated.

Basically, everyone but Sasuke knew what was going on. Even Deidara. And it had been Deidara the one to get him suspicious.

Sasuke was tired of being in the dark.

He walked over to his father's desk, not sure of what was that he was looking for. Luckily, there was only a thing on top of the desk.

A file.

The brunette shrugged. That had to be it.

He took the file, sat on a chair in front of the desk, opened it, and began reading.

* * *

"I…" Naruto took a deep breath, and smiled a little sad smile, "…I know my dad's an ass."

Fugaku just glared at him.

"I knew that even before I met Sasu, I mean," He swallowed, "He left my mom! When I was a newborn! And then he came back like nothing had happened… Now that I know _why_ he left, I found him even more of a jerk than before! Wrecking one family and it's his family, I can eventually forgive him, but he tried to destroy you guys! I would care, even if I didn't know you, because… It was terrible that he did that."

Fugaku was only staring intensely now. That was a good sign.

"I would be surprised if you weren't furious at him. I totally understand you wish for his unhappiness--- after all, he caused you unhappiness before." Naruto's face went darkened considerably, "But I only _look_ like my father. You want me unhappy, too! And you know what? I would let you go on with this little scheme of yours if it wasn't because of the little fact that you will hurt _Sasuke_ in the process. And don't even care!"

"Are you that different from Minato, Naruto?" Fugaku bit back venomously, "You broke Sasuke's heart in the past. And you'll break it again, it seems. Isn't that exactly what your father did to your mother and to my wife?"

"Don't you think I know I've hurt him?! I DO!" The blonde yelled angrily, "And I've tried to make it up to him, even for the things he doesn't even know of! I was enough of an idiot to only realize I loved him far too much when it was too late, when the damage was done! And it kills me," He started to calm down, the anger in his ocean blue eyes turning into sadness, "It kills me to know that I was such a monster that I could hurt that beautiful and fragile boy over stuff so trivial as popularity, ambition, and sheer stupidity!"

Fugaku sat on the couch behind him again, looking into space.

"Hurt me. Insult me, kill me, do whatever you want to me!" Naruto told him, "But please, I'm begging you! _Leave Sasuke out of it_. All he wants is to make you proud, but you only hurt him. And can't you see you won't only destroy me? You'll destroy Sasuke, because whether you want it or not, he loves me! And you'll destroy your own family."

Fugaku looked up to him, obviously touched by that last statement.

"You'll destroy your family," Naruto repeated, "And this time, you won't be able to blame my father for it."

And there was silence again.

The blonde knew everyone else was pressed up again the door, listening. He didn't really care right now. All he wanted was for Fugaku to see what he was doing.

"…Sasuke… Doesn't even want to be a doctor, correct?" The Uchiha finally whispered.

Okay. That wasn't the answer Naruto was waiting for. But he'd play along.

"No, he doesn't want to." Fugaku chuckled. It was a hollow sound.

"It's almost as if the story was repeating itself. Only this time I'm my father, and Sasuke and you are Mikoto and I."

Naruto nodded slowly.

There was another moment of silence, before Fugaku spoke again, "Fine. I won't tell him a thing. And I apologize, Naruto. For… Everything."

The blonde let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Man, what a day." He commented, and Fugaku nodded, "Quite the stirred up day, I agree. But all is well now."

"Yes," Naruto replied, "All is well now."

Why he felt so uneasy then?

* * *

**A/N: **What's gonna happen next? Maybe Fugaku has desisted, but Sasuke has the file! You go crazy over this chapter while I go and try to figure out what I have just done :) See you in March! Or really soon, if I'm truly inspired…

**---Not Really Yours**


	16. He Knows

**A/N: **New chapter! You know, I've realized something--- MTU is reaching an end! D: So far, the poll about the sequel ---if you haven't voted yet, go--- has gone very well. Most of you want it! So I'm not _that_ sad about ending MTU. But I still am. Anyway, I'm bringing the sequel up so I could get real responses. I have something like an idea of what it's gonna be about, but I would really appreciate your opinions and ideas! So review with that subject or send me a PM about it. Thanks :)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. I wouldn't give you innuendos, I'd give you full-blown yaoi!

* * *

**Meet The Uchihas**

**Chapter 16: He Knows**

* * *

Naruto started to worry when he went into Sasuke's room, expecting to see the brunette asleep on the bed, but instead found the bed still made and no Sasuke at all.

But he didn't really think much of it. Maybe Sasuke was taking a really long time in the bathroom, or showering, or having a midnight snack downstairs. Naruto just changed into his pajamas, laid down on his mattress, and closed his eyes.

An hour later, Naruto couldn't sleep. There was this uneasiness in the pit of his stomach keeping him awake, though he couldn't figure out why. And Sasuke hadn't arrived yet.

_Maybe it's a really big snack_, he told himself, _Or maybe he's waiting for me in the shower! He has done that before!_

Minutes later, the blonde was walking down the hall, going into the bathroom and making sure he wasn't making the same mistake than before. Sasuke wasn't there, though. Naruto decided he'd check the other bathroom, too, but the Uchiha he was looking for wasn't there either.

Naruto considered more seriously the idea of the brunette being down in the kitchen eating something. God knew how many times Naruto had woken up in middle of the night, and hadn't found Sasuke in bed besides him but in the kitchen, usually naked or clad in one of the blonde's oversized shirts, eating a tomato or drinking coffee.

He went downstairs, making sure the stairs didn't creak too much under his feet so he wouldn't bother whoever was sleeping, that was probably, at this time of night, almost everybody. He checked the kitchen, but no one was there, either.

Then he heard laughter. It was coming from the living room, maybe Sasuke was there?

He slid the door open, finding Obito and Kakashi in middle of what seemed a make out session, staring up at the blonde with curiosity and mild annoyance respectively.

It scared him a little. How had they been kissing with that scarf Kakashi insisted on wearing?

He grinned sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head, "Sorry guys. I'm looking for S'uke."

"Thought he said he was going to bed…" Obito mused, pouting a little. Naruto shook his head, and the Uchiha shrugged, "Maybe he's talking to Mikoto or Fugaku upstairs in their room. Or maybe with Itachi--- hope it ain't him."

The blonde cringed. After his little chat with Fugaku, they had had to explain to everyone who wasn't aware of what was going on yet. And Itachi hadn't taken it so well.

"Alright, thanks. Goodnight." He slid the door closed and left the two of them alone again.

The making out resumed, if the sounds coming from inside the living room were anything to go by. Naruto scowled to the air as he made his way up the stairs again. He could be doing that with Sasuke if the brunette hadn't disappeared into thin air…

Now, we all know how hyperactive Naruto's imagination could be. The thought of Sasuke disappearing in thin air was followed by tons of other scenarios, all ending with the Uchiha's short life tragically.

And of course, this put Naruto into panic mode.

_Uchiha Sasuke, where are you_?!

"Naruto, yeah?"

Deidara's voice startled the other blonde, who snapped his head up to him, and followed him with his eyes as he made his way half-way down the stairs, meeting Naruto in the middle.

"Deidara," Naruto sighed, "Hi. You're staying for the night?"

"No, I'm finally going home, yeah." Deidara blinked, "Actually, to the station and then I'm going home. I have some stuff to pick up, yeah."

It was true. Although he would have loved to stay with the Uchihas, he didn't feel in his right to. He was Itachi's ex--- who spent Christmas night with their ex if they weren't depressed? Besides, Itachi had only invited him to stay for dinner, and dinner had ended hours ago.

He mentally cursed himself for not going earlier. When Fugaku had called him, he had thought he wouldn't be there more than an hour, so he had left all of his things in the station.

"Ah, alright then. It was nice to meet you." Naruto said with a grin.

"Right back at ya, yeah. Sasuke, too, yeah."

"I'll tell him you say bye once I find him…"

"He's in Fugaku's studio, yeah." Deidara replied automatically, almost unconsciously. Naruto eyed him oddly.

"You… Saw him there?" Deidara shook his head, smiling sheepishly.

"I have some psychic moments, that's all, yeah."

Naruto nodded. Why not give it a try? Sasuke wasn't anywhere else.

There it was again, that feeling of uneasiness. It still confused and unsettled Naruto, but he just jogged up the stairs and ignored it. He heard Deidara opening the front door, letting a gush of chilly wind into the Uchiha mansion, and then closing it again once he was on the porch.

Fugaku's studio was right in front of the stairs' end. There was no light coming from under the door, and Naruto found no logic in what Sasuke could be doing there in the dark without it being perverted.

He slid the door open and stepped inside. There was the smallest of lamps lighting up the desk and nothing else, but Naruto didn't need to see anything more. Sasuke was sitting on the chair behind the desk, just like Deidara had predicted.

He barely looked up to Naruto before his eyes down casted again. It was all it took, however, for the blonde to see the tears shining in them.

"Sasuke?" Naruto's first instinct was to run to the brunette's side and comfort him, but his feet were glued to the floor.

"D-don't speak," Sasuke's voice was shaky and sad, barely above a whisper, "You're gonna make me cry. I don't wanna cry. That's what I've been focused on avoiding."

Naruto slowly walked over to Sasuke, but he stopped half-way when Sasuke looked up again.

"Don't come over, either," Onyx eyes were looking at him, but through him, "I'm trying hard here."

Naruto found his voice, "Why?" He himself almost didn't hear his own question, but Sasuke did, and gave him a heartbreakingly tired and sad smile.

"Because… Y-you promised you would never hurt me again. You w-would never make me cry again…" Sasuke's voice was breaking--- any minute now he would start sobbing, "…I r-really want you t-to keep that promise."

Naruto's mind connected the dots the fastest it ever did. His emotions were a whirlwind and he didn't know whether to be sorry and grovel for forgiveness or if to hug Sasuke through his breakdown.

_He knows_.

"S-Sasu," He began, "I was gonna tell you---"

"---When, exactly, where you gonna tell me?" Sasuke started raising his voice, sounding somewhere in between anger and sadness. He was standing up from the chair, too, "Tonight? Tomorrow? When we were back in Konoha? When we were at Neji's and Tenten's wedding? Maybe you planned to tell me when we graduate! Or maybe you didn't plan to tell me AT ALL!" Sasuke was close to yelling now, standing right in front of Naruto, and with the first of many tears travelling down his cheek.

"Sasuke, please---"

"---I don't wanna hear about it, Naruto! I don't wanna hear you apologizing!" Only then did the Uchiha seem to notice he was crying, as he mumbled a curse and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands.

Naruto finally had a chance to speak, but he quickly realized he didn't know what to say. His mind was screaming at him to hug Sasuke, kiss him, do _anything_, but he couldn't. He finally dared to cup Sasuke's cheek, and even though the brunette leaned into the touch, he forced himself to push it away.

"Don't," He asked, his voice turning soft again, "It's hard as it is."

It was breaking Naruto's heart to know he had broken Sasuke's yet again. He had known that when he told him it would hurt him, but somehow he knew that if he had told him himself it wouldn't have been as terrible as finding out any other way. The blonde felt like scum. Maybe Itachi hadn't been so wrong about him in the first place.

"Sasuke," Naruto started again, "I'm incredibly sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. I love you---"

"---Saying '_I love you_' has nothing to do with meaning it.**(1)**" Sasuke cut him off without much conviction. Tears were streaming freely and silently down his face, "Especially when it comes to you, apparently."

"I mean it! Every time! Don't think otherwise, please," Naruto exclaimed, desperate, "I love you so much, every time I see you it's like my heart is gonna explode! I can't live without you. You're the air I breathe, the reason I wake up in the morning, you're my everything!"

Sasuke still looked sceptic, "If you love me so much, tell me," His voice was shaking again, "_Why_ you insist on hurting me?"

"Trust me, I don't do it with the intention of hurting you. All the times I've done so I've been so stupid, so idiotic, so…"

"Don't bully yourself." Sasuke told him.

"Then you bully me," Naruto asked him, grabbing Sasuke by the arms softly and looking into his eyes pleadingly, "I deserve it. Don't cry for me, be angry at me! I was young and selfish back then, but that is no excuse. Just _please_…"

He pulled Sasuke into a hug, "…Don't leave me because of what I did. Even if it's only what I have coming to me, don't leave me. I would die."

For a few minutes, the brunette just let Naruto hold him, not making a move neither to hug back or pull away. The blonde wasn't sure of what to do. All he could do was wait.

"I don't know if I'll be able to forgive you." Sasuke finally mumbled after what seemed an eternity to Naruto. He hugged the Uchiha tighter, "You don't have to. I wouldn't forgive me. I would kick my ass. I don't deserve even having my ass kicked by you."

"Don't say that. You deserve the world."

"And you deserve the Universe." Naruto retorted. Sasuke placed his arms between them, trying to separate himself from the blonde.

"I-I need to think." Sasuke took a deep breath, "Alone. A long time." He stepped back from Naruto, and left the studio. It took a few seconds for the blonde to react and follow, and when he did, he found Sasuke going downstairs towards the house's entrance.

"Where are you going?" Naruto asked, walking quickly behind him. Sasuke didn't look back to him, and just took his winter jacket from the hanger and his boots from under it.

"Anywhere but here." Was his answer, as he put on the winter clothing. Naruto swallowed, "A-Are you coming back?"

That made Sasuke stop as he opened the door. Again he had his back turned towards Naruto, refusing to look at him.

"…I don't know."

And with that, he was out, leaving Naruto completely alone.

* * *

**(1****) **Lyrics from a Maroon 5 song, _Through With You_. Is it some sort of omen? ;) (Good Lord, I'm mean.)

**A/N: **Terrible place to leave you hanging, I know! Sorry D: I thought Sasuke knowing about what was in the file and talking to Naruto about it deserved its own chapter, that's all! Anyway, remember my sequel questions, don't kill me, and 'till the next chapter.

**---Not Really Yours**


	17. Foxes And Bridges

**A****/N: **Last chapter I left you with a cliff-hanger, and a mean one at that. But you can put those guns away, 'cause I'm here with a new update and you don't have to keep waiting! :)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. This fan fiction wouldn't be fan fiction if I did.

* * *

**Meet The Uchihas**

**Chapter 17: Foxes And Bridges**

* * *

Naruto didn't know what to do. He had been standing in front of the door for two hours now ---maybe three, he wasn't sure---, staring at the inanimate object like the answer to all his problems and how to win Sasuke back was there.

He was beating himself up mentally, too. With insults of all sorts, punches, kicks, and things one only could see in WWE. But nothing was enough.

He didn't want to wake the other Uchihas up. They were probably going to hurt him, and even though he wanted them to kill him, he didn't feel like he could take it right now.

_That is the most selfish thing you have done yet. Worrying over _your_ feelings while the love of your life is out there in the cold trying to figure out his own and you…_

Naruto stopped himself. What was the point of feeling even guiltier? It wasn't going to make Sasuke stay with him.

**Neither will the stay-here-and-sulk tactic, kit.**

Ocean blue eyes widened. He knew that voice…

**That's right. I'm back.**

"K-Kyuubi?!" Naruto exclaimed, in pure shock. Kyuubi had been his childhood imaginary friend, an old orange fox with nine tails, who always called him 'kit' and made fun of him.

"But I got rid of you!" The blonde protested, bewilderment taking over him, "When I went on that summer road trip with the pervy sage!" He said, referring to his grandfather Jiraiya.

**You're bad ****at getting rid of things, kit. You also got rid of that stupid catchphrase of yours, 'believe it', on that road trip, but you still say it.**

"I haven't talked to you since I was thirteen! Where the hell have you been?!"

**In your mind. ****Taking a really long nap.**

Naruto blinked, and looked around with confusion, trying to find the unusual fox, "How come I don't see you?"

**Does it really matter? I mean, no one else can see me and you are gonna be considered crazy either way, kit. I'm imaginary, remember? Just a fragment of your imagination.**

The blonde nodded slowly. This was weird.

**Anyway, back to why I'm here talkin' to you in the first place****, what are you gonna do about that little vixen of yours?**

Naruto scratched his head, "Vixen? Oh, you mean Sasuke! He wouldn't appreciate being called a vixen, y'know…"

**It's not like you're gonna tell 'im about this conversation! You hate to be embarrassed in front of him and talking to your imaginary friend is quite embarrassing.**

"Nu-huh!" Naruto shook his head vigorously, "He thinks that it's cute! And when he thinks something about me is cute, I usually end up getting pampered, and I love getting pampered by Sasu."

**Y-you have told the vixen about me?**

"Yeah… Hey, wait a second! You like him!" Naruto accused. Kyuubi huffed.

**No shit, Sherlock. Of course I like him! ****You like him, and technically, I'm you! There's no way to not like him in here, is all you really think about.**

Naruto's aura turned depressed again, "It's not like it matters anymore. Sasuke probably doesn't wanna have anything to do with me…"

**I agree.**

A vein throbbed on the blonde's right temple, "Hey!" He exclaimed angrily, "You're supposed to cheer me up!"

**No, I'm not. I'm your pessimistic part, kit.**

Naruto just growled something and hung his head low. He couldn't even fight with himself at this moment.

**Like I was saying, I agree. You're here, doing nothing, and when you had the opportunity to make it**** right again, all you did was give him apologies and excuses after apologies and excuses. The vixen may be head-over-heels for you, but he's a logical and reasonable vixen, too. He's gonna leave your sorry ass for someone who will at least try to fight for his love with something else than words. And by the looks of it, that ain't you, kit.**

Rage built up inside Naruto, making his blood boil. He yelled, "What are you saying?! I don't just give him words!"

**Oh, yeah? And why is it that you are completely alone here and not with him getting tangled up in his bed sheets?**

Naruto glared at the air, "It's not all about sex."

**He thinks maybe it was, after all.**

The blonde felt his anger dissipate slowly, replaced partly by a new wave of shock. Kyuubi took the chance to keep talking.

**I know you meant every word you told him, kit. Deep inside, the vixen knows it as well. The problem is you don't back up those words with actions, and when you do… Well, they tend to give the opposite effect.**

Naruto snorted sadly, "That's a nice way of putting it."

**When was the last time you did something nice for him just because? Or when was the last time you two went out on a date? I bet you don't even wish him a happy anniversary!**

"I don't, but only because he doesn't either!" He defended himself from himself.

**Funny. The vixen doesn't because **_**you**_** don't. He even buys you a little something.**

"H-he does?"

**Check the bottom drawer on his night table when you two go home. **_**If **_**you two go home, that is.**

"Wait a second here!" Naruto stopped the body-less voice, "You said you were me, old fox! If I didn't know that, how come you do?!"

**Because you **_**do**_** know this stuff, kit. You just happen to ignore them.**

Naruto stayed silent.

**The point is the thing you do the most with the vixen after bickering over pointless stuff is having sex. So what would keep him from thinking it's only about that? You cheated on him when you didn't do it. You jump him every time you have the chance since you moved together. Why it **_**isn't**_** about sex?**

"Oh my God!" Naruto exclaimed, eyes wide, "You're right!"

**Of course I am, kit.**

"I need to find Sasuke now and show him I love him and we don't have to make love to prove it!" He proclaimed, taking his jacket off the hanger and putting it on. He then moved on to the boots, "What was I thinking this whole time?! I was probably killing us without even knowing it…" He finished tying his boots, and pumped his fist into the air with a determined expression, "If he's willing to let me after this, I'm gonna be the best lover the world ever met!"

**That's the spirit.**

Naruto grinned foxily to himself and opened the door, and was about to get out when Kakashi interrupted him.

"Naruto, could you stop yammering to yourself?" The man looked annoyed, "Obito and I are trying to make up for the lost time."

"Not all is about sex, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto told him. Kakashi eyed him oddly.

"Where are you going at this time of night?" Naruto rubbed the back of his head, "Honestly? I'm gonna run around until I find Sasuke so I can show him our relationship isn't only about sex, that all those girls I was with were meaningless flings I experimented with in a stupid and thankfully unsuccessful attempt to convince myself that the former statement was actually false, and to prove to him that I love him truly madly deeply."

Kakashi blinked, "Oh. It's important then. Well, I won't retard you more. Go!"

Naruto grinned at him madly, "Thanks. You happen to know where he could be, though?"

The teacher thought for a second or two, "If you were Sasuke, where would you go?"

"TO A BRIDGE!" Naruto yelled ecstatically, bolting out the door into the icy city.

Obito walked behind Kakashi and hugged him, "What was up with him?"

"He said something about finding Sasuke in a bridge so he could show him that their relationship isn't only about sex, that all those girls he was with were meaningless flings he experimented with in a stupid and thankfully unsuccessful attempt to convince himself that the former statement was actually false, and to prove to Sasuke that he loves him truly madly deeply." He cocked his head so he could look at Obito, "But I didn't really pay attention."

The Uchiha smiled, "Aw, that's sweet." He let go of Kakashi and punched him in the arm, glaring, "You never do stuff like that!"

* * *

Generally, the climate in Oto was bad. At least, to Deidara it was, but he was from Iwa**(1)**, where days were always sunny, so maybe his origins influenced on what he thought of the city.

Still, Deidara couldn't remember the last day he didn't have to wear a sweater in Oto. In summer, days had some sort of cold sun, which didn't make a lot of sense to the blonde, because how was that even possible? And in winter--- The cold was just too much. And they were _long_ kind of winters. How could the inhabitants of Oto take it? Deidara barely got through them, and that was because he focused on thinking of the poor people living in Kiri up north, where the weather conditions were almost arctic.

But he was sure not even in Kiri there had been a night as freezing as this one.

It was a long way to the police station from the Uchiha mansion. Deidara had to cross the bridge to get to the station, and then he had to cross it again to get to his own home. The worst part was that he didn't even have a car and his bike's chain had gone loose, so he had to do it all by foot.

At least now he only had to cross the bridge once to get to his apartment. He had tried to stay at the station for as long as he could, after hearing two of his co-workers commenting about how it was the coldest night of the decade in the country.

Unfortunately, Hidan was still working with Kakuzu.

They were in a roll with the Sound Five case--- witnesses that had kept their mouths shut were starting to talk, the results of different crime scenes' evidence were starting to come out, connections they hadn't made before were starting to show, and well, in summary, it was a good night.

"Now though, we gotta fucking tell Chief Fugaku, man!" Hidan told him, "We found another fucking connection to fucking Konoha, to the chief's fucking son!"

"What?!" Deidara had exclaimed, shocked, "To Itachi, yeah?!"

"Fuck no! The foolish little brother Itachi can't shut his fucking mouth about, fucking Sasuke." Hidan corrected the blonde, "Turns out he fucking pressed assault charges against that motherfucker Orochimaru. It was one fucking big case in Konoha, but they let the shit blow because they were lacking fucking proofs."

"For real, yeah?!" Deidara swallowed, "And chief Fugaku knew this and didn't tell you two, yeah?"

Hidan snorted, "Deidara, you don't have fucking shit for brains. All of fucking Oto's police force would have fucking know if Sasuke had mentioned the motherfucker to the chief."

The blonde blushed a little, embarrassed.

"But that's not even fucking all!" Hidan exclaimed, obviously excited. Deidara allowed himself a nervous grin, "I bet one of Orochimaru's one-timer followers told you he was hired to stalk Sasuke around, yeah."

The other man laughed, "Fucking almost, you fucking psychic! The fucking one-timer told us two of the fucking permanent underlings were the ones doing the fucking stalking."

"Who, yeah?"

Hidan checked the file in his hands, "The motherfuckers' names are… Sakon and Ukon."

When he had finally finished with his story, Hidan seemed to notice it was Deidara who he was telling all of this, and that Deidara was supposed to be at home at this time. Since Hidan cared a little bit for the blonde, he was immediate to make Deidara leave the station.

That was why Deidara was here, almost ready to cross the bridge, if it wasn't for the familiar silhouette he saw leaning against the rail.

Was that _Sasuke_?

A quick glance to the boy's hair made him sure. It was Sasuke. And he looked really depressed. What was he doing there at this time of night and with this temperature?

Under the Oto Bridge didn't go a river, but rather, a street. And on that street, Deidara was sure that was Naruto. What the hell?

"**SASUKE**!" The yelling confirmed it was the lovable blonde he had met back with the Uchihas. Sasuke snapped his head up and then looked down with confusion, "Naruto?!"

Deidara decided to stay out of the scene for now, this seemed important. He would just watch. He looked down to Naruto, seeing he was holding a strange object. Was that a guitar?

As Naruto began to play, Deidara decided that yes, that was an acoustic guitar. Interesting. Where had he gotten it from? And he knew that song…**(2)**

"'_Everybody needs a little time away,'_

_I heard you say,_

'_From each other.'_

'_Even lovers need a holiday_

_Far away_

_From each other.'_

_Hold me now._

_It's hard for me to say I'm sorry._

_I just want you to stay._

_After all that we've been through,_

_I will make it up to you,_

_I promise to._

_And after all that's been said and done,_

_You're just the part of me_

_I can't let go of._"

Deidara felt his eyes water up. Oh, that was so… So… Singing to your lover in a bridge how sorry you were! Ah, Deidara wished he had done that when he broke up with Itachi! And Naruto's singing voice wasn't half-bad, either…

"_Couldn't stand to be kept away_

_Just for a day_

_From your body._

_Wouldn't wanna to be swept away_

_Far away_

_From the one that I love._

_Hold me now._

_It's hard for me to say I'm sorry._

_I just want you to know._

_Hold me now._

_I really want to tell you I'm sorry._

_I could never let you go of."_

Deidara was sure Naruto's throat was going to be really sore after this. But he guessed that seeing the happy and surprised and loving expression on Sasuke's was worth it all to the other blonde.

"_And after all that we__'ve been through,_

_I will make it up to you,_

_I promise to._

_And after all that's been said and done,_

_You're just the part of me I can't let go of._

_After all that we've been through,_

_I will make it up to you,_

_I promise to._"

This was the part, if Deidara remembered right, of the guitar solo. Naruto just played the melody of the beginning again.

"_You're gonna be the lucky one._

_When we get there gonna jump in the air_

_No one will see us 'cause there's nobody there_

_After all, you know we really don't care_

_Hold on, I'm gonna take you there._"

And there was silence again, except for a dog barking in a nearby alley.

"SO?!" Naruto yelled. Sasuke seemed to be laughing, Deidara couldn't tell from where he was.

"YOU'RE CRAZY!" Sasuke yelled back, his voice endlessly amused.

"CRAZY IN LOVE! I KNOW THAT SONG, TOO, BY THE WAY! YOU JUST GIVE ME FIVE MINUTES AND I'LL PLAY IT IN THE GUITAR FOR YOU!" Sasuke hid his face in his hands for a few seconds before looking up again with a smile.

"YOU'RE A LOSER!"

"THE BIGGEST LOSER IN HISTORY!" Naruto agreed.

"JUST COME UP HERE, YOU IDIOT!" Sasuke ordered the blonde, who immediately starting down the street to find some sort of way up.

"WAIT FOR ME THERE!" He called out, his feet echoing every time they made contact with the street.

Sasuke did. Deidara had to sigh dreamily. Those two were adorable. They were lucky to have each other. And they didn't seem to mind that they had just looked like the two craziest people in the whole wide world to everyone around them, even though the only ones around them that night were Deidara himself and those two identical-looking guys on the other side of the bridge.

Said guys were talking at the other end for a few minutes, before they started crossing the bridge. Deidara didn't move, he wanted to see what would happen once Naruto came up.

The guys were almost by Sasuke now, Deidara could see them better. They looked familiar--- they were stopping behind Sasuke. They knew him, it seemed. Sasuke appeared to recognize them.

Deidara frowned. Something wasn't right. And he was sure he had seen those guys before! But _where_?

* * *

"Sakon, Ukon…" Sasuke started, "…Long time no see."

Both brothers smirked.

"Since school, I'm guessing," Sakon answered, and Ukon continued for him, "It seemed you avoided us after that golf ball incident."

"Yeah, well, you know how it was," Sasuke half-smirked at them, "I'm sorry."

"You're forgiven, after all," Ukon said, "We understand revenge."

"So there are no hard feelings between us." Sakon added.

"Great." Sasuke replied. He wished for Naruto to hurry. He wasn't feeling very comfortable alone with the twins and their strange smirks, as if they knew something he didn't.

"So, what have you been up to these days?" The brunette asked, trying to make small talk. Ukon's scary grin widened.

"Oh, you know, this and that… We went to Konoha recently." Sasuke raised an eyebrow, "You did? I live there now."

"Yeah, we know." Sakon said. Ukon chuckled, "It_ is_ our job to know."

"…Your job?" This wasn't good.

* * *

**(1)** Think Iwa is like… Sonora Desert.

**(2)**_Hard To Say I'm Sorry_ by Chicago.

**A/N: **I'm thinking there only going to be one more chapter before MTU is over and I get started on the sequel. Maybe two chapters. I don't want this to end! D:

**---Not Really Yours**


	18. Pop The Question

**A/N: **So, this is it. The last chapter. Man. Before I forget, about the sequel--- I don't know. I have a month to think about it starting Sunday. I would really like to write it, but at the same time, I'm all 'nah…' So I don't know.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. I only own this story and now it's over! D:

* * *

**Meet The Uchihas**

**Chapter 18: Pop The Question**

* * *

"You see, Sasuke, there's this guy," Sakon started, the creepy smirk still in place, "Orochimaru. Ever heard of him?"

"He's your… Biggest fan." Ukon chuckled at his own choice of words.

"I know who he is." Sasuke answered, frowning, "I can't believe he went as far as hiring two dumbasses to do his dirty job."

"Ah, such harsh words for such a sweet guy," Sakon placed a hand over his chest dramatically, "And don't try to deny you're sweet, because we've seen ya. Especially to that blonde guy of yours."

"You've said it yourself, there's a blonde guy." Sasuke's eyes narrowed, "So go tell Orochimaru to get through that thick skull of his that I'm taken and that isn't gonna change."

"Really now?" Ukon taunted, "I have sources that tell me he was more interested in others rather than you."

Sasuke's fists clenched.

"It must've hurt. I mean, he told practically everybody except you. Are you sure he even loves you?"

Sasuke didn't strike anyone as the pacific type, and he really wasn't. But he never took a fight further than hurtful words, unless he was really pissed off. Right now, he was. It had been one hell of a trip to see his family, with lots of questioning and feelings, and just when everything was alright, this dude came out of nowhere to make him unsure again? Nu-huh. He punched Ukon right in the face. The other didn't react immediately, shocked.

Ukon touched his bleeding lip. And before Sasuke knew it, he had been punched as well, hard enough to make him turn and hit his head on the bridge's rail. The Uchiha didn't have time to do anything when Ukon grabbed him by his jacket and shirt, threw him against the hard and icy sidewalk, and started kicking him in the stomach.

That didn't last long. Ukon was suddenly on the ground next to him, groaning in pain and gripping his waist. A familiar blonde made the twin turn and sat on him, grabbing his hands so he couldn't move with one hand and with the other dialling a number on his cell phone.

"Hidan, yeah?" Deidara said, "I've got a Christmas present for you and Kakuzu, yeah. Let's just say it's a couple of people you've been looking for a while. Yeah. At the bridge, yeah. Bye!"

"D-Dei?" Sasuke mumbled, his voice breathless, "What the…?"

Deidara grinned wildly. Sasuke's eyes searched into the night for Sakon, not finding him. It didn't matter--- a few seconds later, Deidara was being pulled by the other twin from Ukon, who tried to stand up, but Sasuke threw himself on him to keep him from escaping.

He watched as the blonde struggled with Sakon. Deidara wasn't exactly winning, and Sakon wrapped his hands around Deidara's throat. Sasuke's eyes widened as the blonde struggled to breathe. He closed his eyes, he couldn't look at this.

And then, there was a strange and loud bang sound.

Sasuke dared to open his eyes again. He stared with surprise and relief at the scene.

Sakon had fallen unconscious on the street. Looming over him was Naruto, jacket-less and checking his guitar wasn't damaged from the blow, as police sirens were heard coming closer in the background.

* * *

"On the way to the bridge I ran into a woman. She looked really frustrated with life and all, and when I saw her guitar, I was stricken by the idea of serenading you. So I asked her if I could borrow it and she told me that if I gave her my jacket, she'd give me the guitar." Naruto sneezed and sniffed at the end of the explanation.

Sasuke just smiled at him softly. The doctor finished up the last of the stitches on his temple, "All set. Let me just bandage you and you're good to go." He looked at the blonde on the other bed, "You sure you don't want anything for that cold?" Naruto nodded.

"A cold is the least I deserve."

The doctor patched up Sasuke's wound, "There you go. You two can leave now."

The brunette nodded, "Can we stay here just the two of us for a while? I'm not ready to deal with _them_."

Standing outside of the room were all Uchihas, sick worried. The couple could practically feel how many questions they wanted to ask. Through the glass, they could see Fugaku scolding Deidara for something, even though he had been the main responsible to arrest two wanted criminals and saved his son. Shisui, Tekka, and Inabi had their faces pressed against the glass, and the doctor put the blinders down to give them more privacy.

"Sure you do," He said with a grin, "Just don't stay for the night--- we're gonna need this beds any moment. Christmas is one of the busiest times."

And with that, he was out. Naruto stood up from his bed and sat next to Sasuke on his, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. You?" Naruto shrugged.

Neither added anything else. Sasuke let his head rest on Naruto's shoulder, and closed his eyes, tired. It had been an intense day, to say at least.

"I'm… Sorry." The blonde began, "For everything."

Sasuke searched for his hand and squeezed it affectionately, "You're forgiven. I haven't been a saint either."

"You have been," Naruto retorted, "You've been more than a saint, you're an angel." Sasuke laughed quietly and shrugged, "Well, I think you've been an angel, regardless of the past. It's in the past for a reason."

"Come again, babe?" The blonde had never really used endearments with Sasuke. It seemed like a good moment to start.

"I'm just glad we're okay finally." Sasuke answered, smiling, "Took us a while, but now we can be together in peace forever."

"Forever?"

"At least on my part," The Uchiha teased, "I'd be with you forever."

Naruto felt a pleasant warmth spread all over him, "You really mean that?" Sasuke nodded, "I love you. And I want to be with you forever and ever. I can't leave your side without dying."

"I want to be with you forever and ever, too." Naruto said, smiling brightly. He pressed his lips to Sasuke's briefly.

**Now's the moment, kit! Ask him!**

Should he? After his chat with Shisui, he had decided he would pop the question, but he hadn't planned it to do it during their trip. He would wait a month or a year on the worst case scenario. Butterflies started fluttering frantically in his stomach, and he looked over at Sasuke.

He hadn't pictured asking him to marry him in a hospital room after a street fight with his whole family waiting outside. It wasn't the most romantic it could be, and he didn't even have a ring, but he just had to ask.

"Sasuke…" The brunette opened his onyx eyes, staring at him with expectance. Naruto brushed a few ebony bangs from them, "I…"

"Don't say you're sorry again. I already forgave you, moron." Sasuke said. Naruto swallowed.

"Would you… Would you marry me?"

Sasuke looked at him, stunned. Naruto knew he could only wait now. Slowly, a _grin _made its way into the Uchiha's features, and the blonde was sure he had never seen him as happy as now, and he stored the image of Sasuke in his mind.

"Oh my God, **YES**!" The brunette threw himself into Naruto's arms, and started kissing him. Naruto felt like doing a victory dance.

The two of them were like that for a while, kissing and hugging lovingly, happiness radiating from them.

"Naruto…" Sasuke started, still smiling, "…Can we keep this secret for a bit? I wanna enjoy it just with you some time."

Naruto nodded, grinning, "I was actually about to ask you the same thing. We can wait until I swing you around and tell the whole world you're gonna be my wife."

Sasuke laughed, "Then we gotta start thinking of sad things. With these grins we have, they'll know something's up."

"Sad things, alright." Naruto said, nodding gravely and with a frown of concentration. He came up with one in seconds, "We're leaving to Konoha right after we open presents in the morning."

Sasuke groaned, "Idiot, that's _good_!"

* * *

"Hinata-chan! We're baaack!"

The pale-eyed girl smiled at both of them as she opened their apartment's door, "H-hi, Naruto-kun. Hi, S-Sasuke-san. W-welcome b-b-back."

"Good to be here." Sasuke mumbled, entering his home and dropping the luggage on the entrance carelessly. He immediately went to throw himself at the couch.

"Thanks for taking of everything, Hinata-chan," Naruto grinned foxily at Hinata, "We really appreciate it. Don't we, bastard?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"Asshole." Naruto muttered under his breath, "How are Mr. Ikku and Pakkun?"

"E-excellent." She answered, signalling to the plant and the dog. Naruto tilted his head to the side. There was something different on Mr. Ikku… And why was Pakkun looking like he had been retrieved from the pound? Ah, well.

"Did you get Sasuke's car from the garage?" Hinata nodded, "I-it's in the p-parking lot."

Sasuke took the TV's remote and turned it on. It was on the news channel. Wasn't that his mechanic Suigetsu? Someone had broken into his garage and stolen one of his client's car. Ah, well.

"Great," Naruto grinned again, "Thanks, Hinata-chan. I owe you."

Hinata said it had been no problem, said good-bye, and left. Naruto turned to his fiancée ---he loved being able to call Sasuke that, _fiancée_--- with a smug look on his face.

"See? Everything turned out fine here with her taking care of the house!" Sasuke snorted, "Yeah, well, maybe you were right. Loser."

"Your loser." Naruto added, dropping himself on top of Sasuke on the couch. He kissed Sasuke deeply, who made a nice pleased sound into the kiss. When they broke apart, Naruto nuzzled Sasuke's neck.

"God, I love you." Sasuke smiled, "I love you, too. I would love you more, though, if you went outside and retrieved all the bags and your new guitar from your car. I promise I'll give you a prize if you do."

"Hey!" Naruto protested, pouting, "You tricked me the same way in Oto! I'm not falling for it this time, you prick!"

"In Oto the circumstances wouldn't let me give you your prize," Sasuke said, running a hand through Naruto's hair, "Tell you what. You go do what I told you and when you come back, you'll get _two_ prizes."

Naruto grinned in a perverted manner.

On the way downstairs again, Naruto's cell phone rang and he flipped it open, "Hello?"

"_**Hey, Naruto.**_" Kiba's familiar voice greeted him, "_**Hinata said you two were back.**_"

"That's right!" Naruto replied cheerfully.

"_**Great. So how was everything in Oto?**_" Naruto sat on the stairs, completely forgetting what was his task in the first place, "Pretty crazy shit happened there. Sasuke's mother is a total MILF."

"_**Really? How does she look like**_?"

"Look, all you really gotta do is imagining Sasuke, right? And now give him breasts, a much kinder face, and long, long hair."

* * *

**A/N: **Yes, I know it's a terrible end chapter. Yes, I know you wanted more. But it's done now, I guess. So, here goes my Academy Award speech: thank you to all my reviewers, one-timers and the ones that reviewed every single chapter. Thanks to a certain author too shy to review but so cool :) You-Know-Who, you rock and you know why, too. To my brother for playing Madden with me, we make a killer team. To Kasumi for giving me almost all the ideas for this and not knowing about it. And thanks to Masashi Kishimoto for ever creating Naruto and Sasuke. 'Till the sequel if there's one.

---**Not Really Yours**


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